Part 67: Sirocco: Update 2
I'm still doing some preliminary stuff - setting the scene for later. The proper first update will be soon coming, don't worry.
Sirocco's Year: Part Two
'WHAT?!'
I have never heard so many dwarves say a single word at the same time before! I asked them to do it again but they just swore at me.
'Who the hell put YOU in charge?!' asked tehsid incredulously, stepping forward.
'Mr Eiba did of course,' I replied, directing a beatific smile at the dwarf (he's my BFF).
'He's insane, YOU'RE insane. Why did I ever come here?!' tehsid screeched and then burst into tears before being led away by the other soldiers.
It's nice to know he's so happy for me.
Anyway, things to do! Places to be and people to see! I had a look at our supplies and it all looks pretty dandy but the nobles aren't very happy with their lot. They frogmarched me into a broom closet and started shouting at me. My chin wobbled, but I did not cry, journal! I think I scored some points that day.
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I followed Queen Sankis, Baroness Accursed, Baron FebrezeNinja, Eiba the tax collector (which he claims is a mistake but no one was listening), Daeren the hammerer, Phrederick the dungeon master, mayor Bobthethurd, and Jazzimus Prime our hoardmaster. Skullbuggy and 64bitrobot, our town manager and captain of the guard respectively excused themselves saying they didn't need anything. The minutes of the meeting are as follows, or at least roughly so anyway. I'm afraid our mayor had a bad turn halfway through and ate some of the pages.
I'll try to fill in with what I can remember though.
'Why are we in this closet?' I asked, squeezing into the corner.
'This is my ROOM,' said Baroness Accursed. 'When are you going to fix it? We can't live like...' her nose wrinkled. 'YOU. It's unseemly.'
'I'll see what I can do, ma'am,' I replied. What do you, uh... want?'
Then the lot of them besieged me with all sorts of demands! I almost thought my beard was going to fall off! But eventually we did get things sorted out.
'So, we need seventeen chests, nine cabinets, nine weapon racks, nine armour stands, three offices, four bedrooms, five dining rooms, and three tombs.'
'Oi!' shouted Bobthethurd.
'And three bismuth bronze items and a green glass window for Bobthethurd,' I said.
'Keep going,' he growled.
'And a bag of salt and vinegar crisps,' I added, looking further down the list.
'Aye,' the mayor muttered. Then he sat down on the floor and dribbled all over his trousers. But he's like that sometimes. He's really a sweet guy underneath it all.
'OK, guys, I'll see what I can do!' I said. 'It might take some time though... your majesty, I hate to ask but... why do you need five whole cabinets when you've only got one set of peasant's clothes?'
'DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION ME YOU INSIGNIFICANT SPECK OF GREMLIN SPUTUM! I AM YOUR QUEEN AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!' the queen replied. Rather loudly actually. But hey! A nickname already, journal! I just know Queen Sankis and I are going to laugh about this someday over a bottle of dwarven wine.
'So... is there anything else you guys want?' I asked.
'I couldn't help but notice that when I arrived there were no royal guards waiting to protect my noble person,' the queen said. 'Where are they hiding, for Armok's sake! Some of these peasants look quite uncivilised and... dangerous.' She looked me up and down at this point. 'And really, really quite repugnant. Now where are they?!'
'We don't have any yet, uh... or fortress guards for that matter. 64bitrobot says it's because FlocksOfMice is the only one around here who can play gin rummy properly.'
'That is unacceptable!' the queen screeched. 'I demand you remedy this at once!'
'I could teach them how to play snap.'
'No, you moron! Guards! We need more guards! Impossible, you people are impossible...'
Looks like I've got a lot on my plate, journal! I hope I can do this before I get shouted at again. Fingers crossed!