Part 71: Dress of heaven / Tiger Dojo 6 / Tiger Dojo 7Better late than never! This update features guest commentary from RedMagus. I'll be using small graphics to distinguish between our comments.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Today on National Geographic: The Loli - Nature's Jailbait
I don't know how serious Ilya is.
I'm sure it's just a metaphor or something when she tells me to be her Servant, and even if I did become her familiar, nothing would change.
I won't be of any use, and Ilya already has Berserker.
Ilya shouldn't need a crappy magus like myself.
Will you be with me ?"
Ilya's voice is full of expectation.
" All right. I'll be your familiar."
Answer with a lie as a temporary measure.
Here we see a male of the bishounae species being hunted by the stalker loli like common prey. Though his charming looks help him escape many predators, today he will complete the great cycle of life by becoming food.
Music: Madder Red Town
Oh god, she's sparkling.
A happy loli can generate approximately 1.21 gigawatts of power over a period of 24 hours if properly attached to a generator. This method of power generation is being used today in Japan to power rail lines and giant defense robots.
I guess that explains why loli are such a common theme in Japanese stories - they have to attract prey for the lolis.
She must be really happy as she is jumping around in joy.
My heart's in pain.
I convinced myself that I could not help it since I'm a captive, and I deceived Ilya.
Seeing her this happy makes me feel sorry, and makes me feel like I could listen to her selfishness a bit
I call out to Ilya, driven by the unknown uneasiness.
" That's not it, butI feel a bit sick."
I feel like I'm about to throw up, so I desperately adjust my breathing.
"What? You don't feel well, your body's heavy, and you can't help feeling uneasy?"
Looking at that cruel smile that knows everything about me
The mating ritual of the loli is very similar to that of the praying mantis or black widow, in which the male's vital juices are devoured in order to ensure continuation of the species.
Why must you say things that hurt my brain?
This is bad.
Directed by the unknown uneasiness different from the former direct uneasiness, I stand up.
But my body won't move.
It's not bound by Ilya's magical energy.
My body doesn't move at my will !?
First, the male is injected with a paralyzing toxin.
"Ilya, what have you !?
"It's you yourself that did it. You feel sick because you lied to me. You're so kind that you hurt yourself."
The weight on my back digs through my skin and permeates inside me.
"Come on, admit it, Shirou. Your soul is mine now."
In the wild, the loli consumes up to twice its weight in souls per day.
My mouth opens by itself and my tongue repeats the words without thought.
"All rightI'll be your familiar"
"Yes. I have accepted Emiya Shirou, in the name of Ilyasviel.
Fufu. I've seized your soul now."
Why does the loli always have to be the unspeakably evil one?
Throughout time, the loli has been a symbol of evil due to their unusual colouration and the legal age of consent.
I have to get up, tear off this rope, and run away as fast as I can.
Even if Ilya gets in the way, I can push her to the side.
Things will get out of hand if I don't.
Yes, things will get out of hand, so why
"My body won't move "
My limbs won't respond as if telling me I'm not their master.
"Oh, you don't have to worry, Shirou. It's just that all the commands to your body are shut out right now.
I'll make that body something that'll hold your soul, and I'll quickly make you a new body.
Human bodies are fragile, so I'm going to transfer your mind into something that won't matter if it breaks."
Using their own natural excretions, the loli can build a structure with the tensile strength of steel, yet the flexibility of cloth.
You just made me remember every h-game image I never wanted to remember again, all simultaneously.
...where does it all come from?
"Oh, but I guess you don't understand what I'm saying, huh?
Hmm, I guess you won't understand even if I explain, and it's more about getting used to it than learning about it.
"Sella, Leysritt. I'm going to start the Apport right now, so bring me a suitable doll."
I can't even talk now.
Even though I'm here, I feel like I'm watching it all through a screen.
Music: In the Sunlight
"Yes. I really don't want to wear it, but I'll use the heavenly garment since I don't want to fail no matter what. Liz, can you get it ready?"
Captured for the first time on film, we are about to see the strange ritual of the loli queen in which she garbs herself in the traditional dress of her tribe, somewhat more colloquially known as hot pants.
" It is done. But is this all right, Ilya ?"
"W-What? Are you going to tell me what to do even though you're a failure, Leysritt!? S-Shirou agreed, so I can make him my familiar !"
"No, you are not mistaken.
You are saying too much, Leysritt. We do not care what happens to such a human. No, since he is able to feel her miracle, it should be an honor for him."
" Sella, you indulge Ilya too much. Do you realize that has the opposite effect ?"
"Leysritt! Do not speak of Ojou-sama like that ! Ilyasviel-sama is the successor of Einzbern's miracle. She is different from failures like us."
" Sigh. Ilya, let's start. Sella is really annoying."
Of the two servants, the calm one approaches me.
Blanks my vision as if turning off a switch.
"Oh, Ojou-sama. It seems someone has trespassed in the forest. What should we do? Should we send Berserker?"
I hear their voices.
My mind isn't connected to my limbs and my senses are already gone.
If I'm not connected to my body, what is listening to their voices?
"Of course not. They came a long way to come here, so it's impolite unless we welcome them properly. You two hide yourselves with Berserker.
I will have Rin and Saber see that Shirou has become mine. After that, I'll let Berserker do what he wants."
I don't have any senses, but I feel like my arm has been grabbed.
As has been mentioned, this dead end is remarkably similar to the previous one. All the same stuff happens, it just cuts about two thirds of it out and abbreviates the rest. Let's take a look at just the last part:
I've been waiting for this moment for ten years, so I can't let him go now."
What? I can't move.
No, I can't even feel my body.
What's going on?
Am I really here ?
"Stop, Leysritt. Ojou-sama, the preparation for acceptance of the prime field has ended. All that remains is to conduct the heavenly garment "
"Yeah I'll begin. Stay back, you two."
My vision is shut off.
Within it, where no light exists
Only Ilya's red Command Spell is
My mind is taken to a different place.
Even though I have no senses, I think something grabbed my arm.
Not a whole lot different, is it? The Tiger Dojo is quite different, though, and Tiger Dojo 7 does sort of reference Tiger Dojo 6 a bit, so I'll show them both in order.
This program is brought to you by Disney and Square-Enix.
Video: Tiger Dojo 6 (mirror)
Music: Gentle Everyday
Kyaaaaaa! Who are you!? I didn't call for a maid!
Bring my senior student!
In the wild, the tiger is the natural enemy of the loli. Curiously, only the female tigers participate in this hunt.
No, Ilya is resting. She seems to be depressed at the moment.
Hmmm. How unreasonable. Killing at your own convenience and being depressed at your own convenience
But that's good. I want to go to the gorgeous castle as well-nya.
After exterminating the local population, the tiger moves into the loli's den and makes it her own. This cycle of predation and nesting has led to the loli being a migratory creature.
The need to find a new home after one's sugar daddy has been jailed might also be a factor.
Well, putting that aside.
Who are you? You're drawn differently from us.
Leysritt. A friend of Ilya's. I'm her substitute today.
Oh. Ilya-chan had friends, huh?
So what kind of relationship do you have with her? Are you her slave?
Well it's like I look after her.
Guh. I knew the kid was from a rich family, but she's this rich?
If you think I'm interpreting that wrong, I'd like to know how you interpret it right.
Notice how the video doesn't have voice effects for that part. I'm guessing that little exchange was removed from Realta Nua along with all the sex bits.
This show contains graphic depictions of animals in real-life situations. Rated TV-14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Daaa! Onee-chan won't permit such a thing!
Geez! Anyways, this bad end is the result of Shirou being a coward!
Go back to the previous choice and see through the whole battle!
Yes. I don't think Ilya is happy about this result.
Oh. I thought you were blunt, but it seems you're pretty understanding. Good, I shall give you a Tiger Stamp!
and the next.
Video: Tiger Dojo 7 (mirror)
Music: Gentle Everyday
Haha, oh god, please let that be the 'doll' Ilya put Shirou into.
The loli often shows great forsight, having an uncanny knack for ambushing its prey. The loli also exhibits prudence, saving a portion of the meal for later consumption.
Hi. I don't think I need to tell you now, but this is the place that comforts you at bad ends, the drop of water in the desert the Tiger Dojo.
This time is the commemorative lucky number seven.
This is the memorable day of when Shirou finally became mine!
Please clap, everyone!
Music: Gentle Everyday
Geez! What happened to that talk from last time about getting depressed because you made Shirou yours by force!?
Hm. Now that you say that, it seems like a paradise.
Captured by a young princess could that be beautiful and good?
So, Shirou and I end up going on a corrupted honeymoon!
Something is corrupted alright.
The loli is native to Innsmouth, Silent Hill, and the basements of many North American homes.
Ugh that hurts, Senpai. I thought you promised not to mention that.
Don't be conceited, buruma.
Kuh, she got away again who is she anyway?
Oh, are you all right, Ilya-chan?
Osu, it filled me with spirit. Senpai's words are always profound.
It feels like they have more of a relationship of mutual trust than master and student do.
Oh, by the way. You say "doll" a lot, but, um not that doll, right ?
Oh. You don't like scary stories, Taiga? Do you like stories about dolls that are alive?
So everyone, this Tiger Dojo is finished!
You made the wrong choice again this time, so go back and choose the other one!
Hey, you're trying to change the subject. Master, I think you should listen to what your student has to say!
No! I hate scary stories and horse racing stories!
Geez. It's fine, this is just a normal stuffed toy.
The thing about the doll will come up later on, so I'll explain it to you then.
Maybe now that it's over with, we can all do our best to forget that any of this ever happened.
Make sure to tune in next week for our feature special: The Tsundere - Beneath the Ice.