Part 26

when we last left off gordon was reminicising about how much he loves penis. YEAH I KNOW THE DRAWINGS AREN'T SO GOOD OKAY IM STILL BURNING WITH RAGE SO ITS HARD TO DRAW WELL GET OFF MY BACK


before commiting suicide gordon decides to check around one last time for his guns, and finds an escape. which may lead to more guns.


residue processing? more like resiJEW processing haha that should cover the manditory jew joke for this topic.


gordon flies out of the sewage pipe into a huge pool of shit, which is exactly what gordon is without his guns: a worthless piece of shit


please, valve, headcrabs? youre making me fight headcrabs with a crowbar? I ALREADY DID THIS AT THE BEGINING OF THE GAME YOU ASSHOLES


flow control? i thought this was a labratory not a tampon HAHA yeah that sounded funnier in my head


fuck you valve you know im scared of heights


i guess i just have to drop into this pool of water


wait a second THATS NOT WATER THATS WOOD


god damnit valve you assholes


jesus christ are you shitting me. i thought i was done with this stupid radioactive shit


finally, someone with a gun to kill.


hey you jackass dont run away. come back here so i can kill you


GOD DAMNIT. now where am i gonna get a gun? you only had one job asshole, DONT DIE UNTIL I KILL YOU, and you FAILED ME. now can you guys see why i hate the security guards?


fucking radioactive waste. why couldnt it be something cool for once, like lava?


well i could go over and explain the exact mechanics of this elaborate puzzle, but i think ill just summarize it instead


ITS GAY


well eventually i get through it. you see how im STILL taking radioactive damage, even after im out of the waste? i guess its trying to be realistic or something. i hope the game gives gordon ass cancer


oh boy, that tunnel leads to a NEW puzzle over a pit of radioactive waste.


although it isnt really a puzzle since its so fucking simple it might as well be a straight walkway


oh boy, conveyer belts. thats totally not gonna be annoying and retarded, right?


yay im excited. i cant wait to see what fun and interesting puzzles valve has created for me


god damnit


well valve decided to dump me into a huge pool of urine


i cant even think of any unfunny jokes to say. thats how boring this segment is.


jesus am i glad to be out of the water


time get back to the REAL game


GOD DAMNIT


i come across a room with a bullsquid fellating a dead guard


apparently hes really into it because he doesnt even notice me come in and bludgeon him to death



the securityfag didnt have a gun, but i do find these exploding backpacks on the table. oh goodie. im sure these will definitely be useful if i want to kill myself. which i do, actually.


wait... is that what i think it is?


THANK FUCKING GOD. i finally get a real weapon back


of course its not really that useful considering this whole chapter is composed mainly of stupid obstacles and puzzles


hmmmmmmmmmm


yeah fuck that


im not sure what a coinever is and why i would want to control it, but i guess its there for a reason so i throw all the switches and move on


i find a button that stops those stupid gordon-crushers which makes getting past them somewhat easier


what could be beyond this conveyer belt, you ask?


why of course, ANOTHER conveyer belt


with some stupid crushers


followed by more crushers


which eventually leads to yet another conveyer belt


which leads to another conveyor belt


which leads to, yes, a conveyer belt


oh look, fire, maybe i am in hell after all


whoa there valve, TWO conveyor belts? lets not get CRAZY now


bitch you best be joking


ANYWAYS past there is another ingenious puzzle by valve.


yes, i may actually have to JUMP WHILST MOVING.


gee thats a fuckin surprise.


its like the mouth of satan himself


whoa now valve, radioactive waste AND barnacles? slow down, i cant keep up with the originality


questionable ethics? more like questionable ethDICKS. yeah that was seriously the best i could come up with.


hey look the sounddogs are back


WITH A VENGEANCE


i hope you assholes are happy. you made me use almost all my ammo


this room is very science-y


wow valve, way to use another- wait a second what the fuck is that? something NEW? did i accidentally start playing a different game by accident?


HOLY SHIT HE FIRES BEES OUT OF HIS HAND. BEES ON FIRE. PURPLE FIRE.


THATS SON OF A BITCH IS LAUGHING AT ME. i dont believe it. im gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck.


im gonna piss in your mouth


im gonna...


...


yeah so thats all we have time for today. C U next time