Part 33

is this game over yet?


no matter how many times i use STRENGTH on this truck it doesnt move


so im just walkin along when SHIT THE FUCKIN WALL STARTS EXPLODING


did whoever built this place just think it would be funny to line the walls with C4 or something?


anyways as we walk outside another manta GAY drops off some alien pricks


and it gets chased off by a badass fighter jet


and a bunch of shit gets blown up and we all die. the end.


lets watch that again in hide-o-vision


yep turns out its another one of those gay tanks


UPDATE: apparently no one gives a shit about gordon when the aliens are alive so fuck him. i just run past the tank and it leaves me alone. for now.


i run through some back alleys and shit. why the hell does this game even have "back alleys" anyways, it's a research facility not a god damn city


these enemies have appeared several times before but i have neglected to mention them because they make taking any pictures ridiculously difficult when they're alive and i cant think of anything funny to say about them. they are the snipers, and they lick my balls. they are extremely accurate, have a high rate of fire, due tons of damage per shot, and are relatively difficult to kill


but its not too bad with the rocket launcher


ps i learned the hard way rocket jumping isnt particularly useful in this game


there are some soldiers in the building or whatever but im way overlevelled by this point so i can kill them easy


heres a picture of some stuff


im too busy to go to gamefaqs to check the game script but let me summarize what's said here
soldier 1: hey other soldier whats our gayness level
soldier 2; its over nine hundreeeedddd!!!1


i come acrross a security guard and am about to do something that will blow your mind


not immediately kill him. no i actually need this guy to open a door for me


this room has a ton of explosives and ammo in it and its fuckin awesome


fuck yea


shit yea


fuckin shit yea


hmmm i have all these gay cameras im never gonna use. i wonder what i could do with them


heh heh heh eh


you stay here mr. guard i need to go finish collecting items down at the far end of the room


oh look whats that. some rockets i missed. i better just walk forward and grab them


hahahahahahahaha


your probably wondering by now "geez isnt he ever gonna stop killing those secrity guards and scientists? its gettin kinda old." well i have done a lot of thinking about this subject and have come to the conclusion that no, no im not.


i have to climb out of the window and walk on ledges and shit. i thought i was gordin freemen not batsman


gotta take care of these assholes first


now i gotta do some jumpin. i thought this was a first person shooter not a first person jumper


ogmo is gay


you may be wondering why i felt it neccesary to take a picture of every jump. because you need to feel my pain, thats why.


oh boy i get to climb a ladder. how new and exciting.


im on some blown up roof or something. it looks pretty cool until i take one step forward


you have to do a lot of precision walking on these tiny little bars.


look a soldier. lets have some fun with him


hehehehehehehehehehhhhh


don't let the DEADbugs bite.


hahahaha what a stupid idiot


FCKUCK


shit. i accidentally fell


luckily its pretty easy to get back up but this whole area is still pretty annoying


this part requires some more precision jumping


which i make in one try obviously because im so good at this game


im so glad this didnt take me 27 tries and only one try. Only one.


i prepare to rush in with my guns-a-blazin'


however it turns out theres already a fight in progress.


obviously the alien wins, so i decide to follow him while he goes around killing more soldiers


although you gotta keep your distance because if you dont he'll turn around and attack you (fig 1, shown below)


SHIT. i run into even more soldiers.


yeah, thats... thats all for this update. yeah i know it was pretty gay but this section of the game is pretty gay so cut me some slack