The Let's Play Archive

Half Life 2

by Cybershell

Part 34




holy shit why is this chapter so fucking long.


before we continue, id like to show you some pictures i took of the funniest thing ever


that is fucking hilarious.


anyways back to prancing around like a gaywad


god damn that is a ridiculously big gun. unfortunately even though gordon is carrying around like 15 weapons already including a giant rocket launcher and wild snarks who want to bite his dick off, he's too much of a weak bitch to carry this cannon with him. Thanks a lot, gordon.


he can use it, but it's really not as useful as you'd think, since you can't really aim it, just move it from side to side


although firing it is pretty fun


unfortunately in the decade or so it takes gordon to turn this cannon three feet to the left he starts getting attacked.


ah, getting a kill with this gun is very satisfying


anyways you might have noticed that big metal door in the background. i have to use this gun to blow it up


yeah, it takes a couple shots


and then you gotta fire it AGAIN to kill all the aliens or whatever the fuck is in there


the game tells me to stop but im a total badass so i dont listen


"my, what LONG hallways you have, valve!" "All the better to BORE you with."


oh my god, a vortigaunt. i havent seen these guys in so long... ive forgotten what to do!


durrr better check the guide


oh yea, i can shoot them with my guns!


thanks, prima!


what the shit is this supposed to be?


if you get close, shit happens


HOLY SHITE


it launches you up like 20 feet in the air, which is actually pretty cool


i was getting tired of using stairs anyways


i find some more GAYliens fighting some more soldiWHORES.


they all kill each other before I can jump down and fight them. war is hell, folks


oh great, a god damn vent. here comes valve with their god damn vent sequences, 'oh look at us, we can put a headcrab in the vents' yeah you think your real fuckin funny valve well you arent tricking me, i know your going to put a headcrab in the damn vent and im goin in with my shotgun


HOLY SHIGFJDK A FUCKIN SNARK


fuck you valve. fuck you in the ass


theres like ten of them in the vent. what a mess


in this little hole are some more collectable snarks. i have no idea why these ones look nothing like snarks at all in either size or color, but whatever.


anyways in another TOTALLY NEW AND UNEXPECTED twist by valve i fall through the vents into the next room


with some more soldiers. the military is apparently an equal opportunity employer because they've hired a ton of the mentally challenged.


rot in retard hell


this place has a pretty sweet company car


unfortunately this isn't grand thefts automobiles so i cant take it


i guess this is the way out


uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


HOLY SHIT. lets not go in there


so uh


i guess THIS is the way out


i have to stand on some stupid raised platform and jump out, but theres a bunch of asshole soldiers out there


heh heh heh ehfhseijfkd


if i ever have a son, im naming him "snark"


another giant gay gun (or g3 as i call them)


it can pretty much do one thing: fire into this door. which is convenient because exactly as i get behind this gun, a bunch of aliens start walking out the door, in single file, very slowly, and continuously even though they see their friend right in front of them die in a huge explosion


oh well, im not complaining. its pretty fun


thats a pretty sight


anyways the doorway leads to a warehouse with some homos fighting some queers


i should probably take advantage of them being too busy fighting each other to fight me and walk past them


ah, what the hell. i jump down and kill some bitches


yea motherfucka


o wut you want sum too?


good thing they put this ladder here, im all out of licorice jellybeans


more jumping. go to hell.


anyways im walkin along down this hallway when a fuckin soldier is thrown through the wall


sucks to be this asshole.


don't throw shit at me, asshole


i come accross another warzone


i do the manly thing and run past everyone


oh boy, another one of these jumper things


haha this rocks


oh shit


god damnit. i suppose misjudged that jump. tune in next time to see if this fucking chapter will ever end.