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Episode XXXV: Clock Tower 3

When last we left our heroine, she’d just completed a twenty-five minute endurance match with her grandpa, only for the following cutscene to completely ignore the battle. With that said, let’s continue…


Right, then. Apparently Alyssa only had one bow she could pull out of her ass. So, she’s stuck having to face Dick unarmed.


Umm… Okay, disembodied text… I’ll get right on top of that.


Control is returned to the player as Burroughs continues his assault. Of note, if you beat Dick with only a sliver of health, it’s still possible to die to him here and have to do the whole battle again. That one last kick in the nuts push before the conclusion…who could resist? Also, I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, but the background music is replaced by one of Dick’s earlier file monologues. I suppose a dramatic reading of a file is fitting for this climactic moment.


I guess the earlier text was referring to the stone dead Nancy. Not a pun. She is indeed stone and dead. What else could I call her? Dead stone? That doesn’t even make sense.

Things take a swing back to the uncanny valley for the ending.


Alyssa takes a rolling leap and scoops up her mom’s head.


She then lobs that sonuvabitch at Dick’s head.


It meets its mark and he goes tumbling off the side of the clock tower. The end…

Well, no… That’s not how it actually happened. It’s much stupider…


Alyssa scoops up Nancy’s head. Assumingly, to ‘draw strength from her’. Despite earlier in the game it being mentioned Rooder power climaxes at fifteen and goes down the shitter by their twenties. Nancy is at least in her thirties so… Well, let’s just see where she goes with this…


Then, in an act of rebellion, she shows off her mad bling to her ornery grandpa.


“Didn’t I buy that at a J.C. Penney?”


There’s a ‘power level’ joke here, but I’m not going to make it.


“Grandpa, I’ve got a magic trick for you.”


“I find female hygiene an unpleasant topic of discussion.”



I might have to check back a to reference earlier updates. The section about Rooders being able to pull flaming swords out of their armpits… It seems to have slipped my mind.


“It’s good to see you’re developing into a woman, honey.”


I would love if Dick just shrugged his shoulders and muttered, “eh, alright.” It’d make for awkward family gatherings.


Pictured: The stance of a true warrior.



Alyssa leaps off the alter and a short battle ensues. Those CGI flame effects drained the budget to the point they had to lay off the script writing department.



“Not the Hamilton family jewels!”


Alyssa drives the Soul Reaver into Dick with all her might.


“Alyssa! I feel as though we should have some dramatic final words.”
“It would be fitting.”
“Indeed.”
“…”
“…”
“Yeah, I’ve got nothing.”
“'I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”
“No you haven’t. That’s from Blade Runner! If you haven’t anything meaningful to say, just keep quiet!”
“Tch. Fine.”


Dick tosses Alyssa across the room. He neglects to make sure she takes her fire sword with her.


“I am NOT loving this shit!”



And so Dick plummets to the inky depths of the clock tower. I’m sure this would be quite the dramatic death… Ya know…


If they hadn’t already done the same scene…


Twice… Oh well. At the very least, he’s doomed to be stuck in the initial cave of Chopper’s level. Since there’s no way that prick is crawling through that schoolgirl sized hole.

Meanwhile…




The shattered pieces of Stone Nancy reform into the real deal. Nancy gets straight down to business with the tearful reunion. No pedestrian lag time in which she ponders why she isn’t dead, isn’t stone, is in a sacrificial chamber on top of a tower trapped in infinite darkness, why her daughter is dressed like an extra in a sub-par high school production, or any of the usual rot.


“Are you alright? What happened to you? Where were you?!”
“Honey, you know how it is.”
“…How it is?”
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”


“I’ve missed you so much.”
“Me too, Alyssa. Me too…”


“So very…very much…”







The family reunion, as per tradition, is cut short…


You see, the clock is busted. It’s got to be at least 12:30 by now. Oh yes. One more thing…



It’s crumbling around them.


So ends the Clock Tower. A place of fun, whimsy, and an utterly minor role for being the title of the game.



Well, that’s certainly going to kill tourism in the Dark Realm.

Some time later…


Aaaand… she’s dead.



Or maybe it was all just a dream. I think this is one of the sole occasions in which I’d be perfectly fine with it all being a fucked up coke dream a schoolgirl had while passed out in a field, lying in a pool of her own vomit.




No… Do not pull the ‘it was all just a dream…or was it?’ angle I swear to fucking god, there will be blood.


Dennis is here? Goddammit! It actually did all happen!


“Falling twenty stories is surprisingly less painful than it looks.”

The two run to each other.


Don’t worry. We won’t get any horrific uncanny valley version of Dennis. The developers were too lazy to render a FMV version of Dennis’ face.


Yep, kiddo. Congratulations! You defeated your grandfather and stopped the Ritual of Engagement. Too bad your mom is still dead, your house exploded, and you did nothing to stop the actual Entities from just possessing some more pricks and continuing their killing sprees.


But, you murdered your grandfather and that’s all that counts. Enjoy being a homeless orphan. I’m sure the sanitarium will greet you with open arms, after what you just went through.


A “Rooder pts” score is awarded upon completing the game. What determines it? What is it for? No idea and absolutely nothing, respectively. It’s just an arbitrary, meaningless number stuck on the end of a familiar term to give some feigned importance to its utterly worthless existence. Ya know… That sort of reminds me of something else…


You read my mind.

Bonus Content:

Clock Tower 3 Ending

In Closing…

I’m going to quote what I said at the end of the Resident Evil: Dead Aim thread.

A Younger, Foolish The Dark Id posted:

Holy fuck… I think that may have been the single stupidest piece of media ever put on print. Just think, at your darkest hour when all seems lost… “It could be worse… I could be playing Resident Evil: Dead Aim”. And all will be better…

Now fuck off, I don’t care if it’s two in the afternoon. I’m drinking…

Now, having completed this game, I can safely say the following:


Holy fuck… I think that may have been the single stupidest piece of media ever put on print. Just think, at your darkest hour when all seems lost… “It could be worse… I could be playing Resident Evil: Dead Aim Clock Tower 3”. And all will be better…

Now fuck off, I don’t care if it’s two in the afternoon. I’m drinking… This game is going to cause my liver to fail. I blame all of you.


This game killed Kinji Fukasaku… I now think I know why…


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