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Chapter 9999 - oh wait Ultimecia blew away all my Full-Life 
Oh, it's Laguna again. Maybe he's a bit smoother this time around. Oh wait, no.
Jackass.
Remember that idiot in Balamb Library who was talking about Sorceress Adel? She ruled Esthar. And we've established that Laguna and co. are in the past, so it's a pretty good bet they're at war with Sorceress Adel! It's fun to learn!
Good God, Ward! He's been dead for ten minutes already!
Laguna and co. escape into some kind of jewelled cave made of, I don't know, Materia or Espers or something.
Kiros: "Hey Laguna. You've got quite a bit of experience with tunnels, right? Like, male anal ones. HEY ESTHAR SOLDIERS, LAGUNA IS GAY"
I dunno what that is but I didn't pick it up because you never know, Laguna might have a hole in his pocket and lose that thing, and then maybe if somebody else wanted it later they wouldn't be able to because Laguna lost it. Just sayin'.
Hey look guys, a cave that leads to a hole half-way up a steep cliff! Hooray for realistic geology!
Oh god, what if we can't one-hit them? We might have to fall out of that hole.
Laguna and his lackeys fight wave upon wave of Esthar soldiers, effortlessly kicking the shit out of every single one. It's almost like they're not soldiers, but Thalidomide babies. Note that Ward is suffering from Blind right now. It's ironic, because in a minute or so that's going to be the least of his problems.
Well I don't think now is the time.
:owned:
When the game decides that it's had enough of 'playing fair' and 'following rules', the last Esthar soldier uses Soul Crush to bring Kiros and Ward to 1HP before dying.
"Yay! It will wash our enemies away like a sea of angry, biting Thalidomide babies."
Kiros will be played by Stevie Kenarban from Malcolm in the Middle in the FF8 movie.
I think he's trying to say 'ITT I wanna fuck you.'
I should think not.
Kiros: "HEY, GUYS IN THE BOATS, I'VE GOT LAGUNA LOIRE UP HERE AND HE'S GAY AND HOT FOR SAILORS"
Kiros: "HE SAID HE'S GETTING OFF"
So anyway, Laguna pushes both his friends of a cliff.
And then falls off himself like a complete retard.
WAKEY WAKEY STUPID POOPHEADS
Since when has he been Sir Laguna?
An excellent question.
What the hell, Robert? You've got enough time to argue with Worf and Zell about stupid trivial shit, but when everyone's psychically linking with people in the past it's just "Hey, let's not worry about it, keep going because we're short on time".
Dealing bad agar.
Why doesn't Balamb have goddamn rocket soldiers? This shit ain't fair.
Time to have a PARTY REARRANGEMENT!
Zell is still banned.
Bitter much, Zell? Well, your ban is doubled. Got any more funny comments, motherfucker?
Alrighty, mysterious voice! First, though, I go Test Robert up to SeeD Level A. I'm rich! Rich!
Aw, dagnabbit. I wanted Zell to become a suicidal drunk.
.... YIPPEEEEEEEEE! Ding ding ding, Robert is the winner!
I would imagine that he was incredibly annoyed by you, because I certainly am. Did he used to beat you around? Because since you're the love interest in this game and Robert is a bad motherfucker, you better like getting beaten around like a Thalidomide baby.
Well, sure, I guess they will, Robert. It'd be pretty creepy to talk about some dead dude in the present tense.
Hahahahahahaha. What? Way to look crazy, dude.
Talk about your outburst out of nowhere. Robert storms off into the next chapter, furious that he might die one day.
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