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Chapter 4: Soul Bruthas
No wonder Galbadia are so powerful. One of the students at their Garden is Professor X.
While walking around and weeping copiously because one day people might use the word 'was' about him, Robert runs into Seifer's lackeys, Fujin and Raijin.
Ya, I know.
Like I said, I know.
If you're going to shout, I'm gonna be short with you. That's how it is.
...OK then
You won't find him, because he's dead. Ha.
Suddenly the SeeD members are called out to the front gate for a mission briefing.
What the hell? No way, Worf. I trained for three years to be a SeeD so I could have respect from folks, and you think I'm going to let you sample some respect for free? Well, ain't going to happen.
Huzzah! What's the mission, duder?
Oh.
Way to be melodramatic. "Without us, Galbadia will... TAKE OVER THE WORLD".
IT'S FMV TIME 
Oh, God. We need a decent, badass sniper, and we've got the lovechild of Indiana Jones and Richard Simmons.
Even his name is gay. Kinneas is an anagram of sneakin', though. Sneakin'. It's like what Solid Snake does, only with Ray-Bans.
...oh my god. He's an idiot.
Seriously, Zell. He says 'hello', and what the fuck are you doing? Honestly, what does that pose mean? I'll tell you what it means, it means Zell is gay.
Ah ha, just what we need! A rogue. A loose cannon. A renegade maverick who always gets his man. Well, I'll tell you this, Kinneas. You're off the case. You're off the force. You try any of those crazy stunts of yours, and I'll have your badge.
I'm not putting anybody with Zell.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN
So first we have to plan our attack, which means we must go to Deling City. Laguna used to hang out here all the time.
First off, though, I have to go and show Irvine how not to get the shit beaten out of him. We go outside and run around fighting Belhelmels for a while, earn another 30000g and teach all the GFs a few more abilities, like Scroooge's curative magic refinery ability.
We sure are. For as has been established hitherto, we are not only distinguished mercenerical individuals, but we are also rich motherfuckers, dig?
Who cares? Go in and lie down.
HERE COMES THE MORON PARADE, MAKE WAY, LESSER MORONS
Then Irvine goes off after Selphie.
hey Zell, listen. You are not one of us cool SeeDs. You are a faggot and God knows how you passed your exam because you spend most of it alternately staring at Robert's crotch and lying unconscious on the communication tower floor. My point here is, do not try and fit in by being all "hey, Irvine is annoying, am I right guys? What are we gonna do about him?" because there is no 'we', there is 'us' and there is 'you'. Besides, Irvine is about a billion times less annoying than you. You are the most irritating Final Fantasy character ever. Think Wakka was annoying? You are a shitstain on the bottom of his Blitzball, fucker. Now shut the fuck up and don't say a word for the rest of the game.
Worf, ditto.
Right. Well, it seems that I'm doomed to work with dumbshits throught this entire game.
You're excused. Get out of here.
Oh, for crying out loud.
WHOO WHOO
After they hit Deling, the gang head for the shops with a shitload of cash and a brand new LF-Mag-RF ability. Subsequently:
Then it's off to the house of Commander Something to plan the Sorceress' assassination.
Ah-ha-ha. A Galbadian soldier is going to stop us. Bring it, sport.
...this doesn't even make any sense. We're SeeD. We're good. You don't need to test us. You suck.
Wealthy mofos, so yeah.
Here's the Tomb of the Unknown King. Some kids are having a 'who can run and shit their pants at the same time for longest' competition, I guess.
Well, that was easy. Let's explore some more.
"It is I, Aladdin."
Alright, so here's Sacred, or Minotaur, I forget, and I don't care. Whilst in contact with the ground, he has Regen, so casting Float on him makes this battle winnable.
Basically I just cast Haste and Berserk on Robert (I don't have Mad Rush yet) and beat the fuck out of him.
Hey, check out these guys. The reason I include them is because they're the most ironically designed characters in any Final Fantasy game. They have shells which make them resistant to physical attacks, but hitting them knocks them over, making them spectacularly weak to physical attacks. So the armor basically makes them weak to physical attacks. I think that's cool.
After running around like an idiot pulling switches and shit, Robert catches up with Sacred and his brother, who demand that we get our shit ruined by them. This does not fly.
Stuffed like a fuckin' TURKEY.
Hans+Franz did not fit. I liked BrosB4Hos but it'd get old fast, so yeah.
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