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Chapter K: Smooth Criminal
We're SeeDs! Huzzah and hooray! Who's for margaritas and clubbing in Ibiza?
In an uncharacteristic show of gentlemanliness, Seifer leads the applause. Hey, maybe he's not such a tool after all. I should grab a beer with that guy.
Wow, I really fucked up on the test, it would seem. 20 for Attack? This is because of Zell getting his shit ruined by Elvoret, that little bastard. Dragging me way down.
Despite what the test score would have you believe, I really know my shit about this game, so it only takes a few minutes to beef Robert up to SeeD level 20.
That girl Robert hung out with for like five minutes during a mission has found his dorm and broken in.
More new threads! Robert's a regular Versace. I mean... wait.
Oh, please. I look like a prancing little queer.
Well, I am. You're still a faggot.
Oh, shit. I forgot I signed Robert up for that. Now, how did the song go?
"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..."
Hey, who's that?
Oh, my god, she saw me! She saw me!
"Hey. I'm up there."
Robert: "Continue stating the obvious and I just might rock your body."
What a half-assed come-on. You know, all you have to do is press your tits against me a little and...
Oh, come on. This is tantamount to rape. Slow, graceful rape.
Robert fucks it up from the off. He never learned slow dancing, because his dance teacher was the original black Power Ranger.
"Is that a Gunblade in your pocket or did I accidentally cast Petrify on your yoghurt slinger?"
Alright, let's dance, bitch.
Robert isn't too skilled at the romance, and goes in for a kiss and a grope at an early stage.
When told to keep his hands to himself, he decides to go get another drink instead, but little Princess LookAtMe won't let herself be shown up on the dancefloor.
"Hey buddy, is that your girlfriend? She looks like a porn star, heh heh heh."
"Oh yeah? Well how do you like death face."
"So anyway, Robert, this is my real face. Isn't it purty?"
Suddenly Robert pulls out a big ol' glass of funk and busts out some cool moves...
...deftly unhooking his partner's bra, Sam Malone style.
Aww. How womantic.
Attention Whore is bored with Robert now. What a cold bitch. In true Robert style, it's time to go and mope about like a crying toddler on the balcony.
What the hell dance was Quistis watching? Also, where the hell was she during the dance? I would have danced with her, if you know what I mean. And if you don't, I mean I would have shagged her brains out in my dorm.
...alright then.
DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, ROBERT
"Why is this... figurine... in my... house?"
...oh. You invited me here to teach me about Status attacks? I thought we were gonna... you know. Get bizzay.
If 'secret area' means 'vagina', I'm both excited and thoroughly confused.
Wow, what a night. I wonder who that girl was? I wonder what her NAME was? Did you hear me, goons? I WISH I KNEW WHAT HER NAME WAS.
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