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Chapter VIII: Get Your Hands Off Of My Woman, Robin Williams
Before proceeding with the story, I decided to do a little training, and raised Robert and Quistis by about eight levels each. Yeah, that's a stupid idea. I actually prefer some challenge to the game. Pikachu now knows Card and Card Mod. Also, due to my Can't Run Away problem, I had to fight like three T-Rexaurs. Icequeen is now 1000 familiar with Quistis. Arousing stuff.
So what was it that Quistis invited Robert here for, I wonder.
...Oh. She wanted to tell him that she got fired. Well, that's rather an anticlimax.
Well, great. Nothing like unresolved sexual tension to make a mission go well.
Attaboy, Robert.
How can anybody dislike this guy? He's cooler than a cucumber in Moss Bros. threads.
It shocks me that Quistis is only 18 (this is also said in this scene, but for bandwidth concerns I've left it out). It's also treble hot, because she is - get this - a barely legal schoolteacher who whips people.
On the way back they hear a cry for help. Probably a first year getting chomped by a T-Rexaur. Should be good for a laugh.
Oh, it's her... she knows them both? What the slimy bejesus?
This is Granaldo. Despite sounding like a Brazilian breakfast cereal, he's pretty tough. Oh wait, scratch that, he's not. He does about 30 damage per hit, and Robert and Quistis are both approaching 1500 HP. However, he and his lackeys hold useful spells, especially Shell and Protect, so I spend a while drawing them out of his insectile ass. I think I drew more spells from him than he took hitpoints off of me. A few physical attacks were enough to see him off at the end of it.
Sure, go on, it's not like we want to ask how you know us or anything.
I want to be more like this guy.
Now that he's a full-fledged SeeD, Robert has his own room, but that doesn't stop that cutesy little slut Selphie from waking him up with her high-pitched waffle. It's mission time!
Stupid shitbag Zell is late.
Oh, I didn't realise we were playing at skateboards and going Back To The Future, Marty McFaggot. Can I have a different assistant, please?
Haha, sucks for Zell.
Now whos captain, motherfuckers?
Before we set off, Cid also gives Robert a Magical Lamp. And all we gotta do is rub like so...
AND WOAH
Mr Diablos, sir, please do not murder me
Gravity brings my health down, so Limit Break, Selphie. HO HO HO
So yeah. None of Diablos' magic attacks can kill you outright, so blinding him renders him useless. Not only does this allow Robert to draw a ton of Cure and Demi out of him, but it forces Diablos to use Gravity attacks only, which soon bring your entire party down to single-digit health. Limit Breaks abound, then. And one of Selphie's Slot moves is Aura. I cast it on the entire party, and then go back to Selphie. Her limit break level is now so high thanks to Aura that she rolls The End first time round.
This is a game-breaking move. It instantly kills anything. Absolutely anything. Including Omega Weapon and Ultimecia's final form.
Nobody can say that I didn't play this game through to the end now.
There's only one possibility.
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