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Chapter Chapter: Give Me The News, I Got A Bad Case Of Lovin' You
I decided to junction Batman to Zell, since Zell strikes me as the type who Mugs people. Oh, I also set Batman to learn Mug.
Having 100 Demi is awesome. 
Zell and Selphie are severely underleveled, but I don't really like either of them anyway. Quistis's Blue Magic is a pretty essential part of my game, so I'll either be choosing Rinoa or Irvine for my third main character.
In Balamb, we find some bint named the 'Card Queen'. I'm pretty sure it's a self-appointed title since I took like ten cards off of her.
To get to Dollet, we must board a train. WHOO WHOO HERE COME THE CARRIAGES
It begins.
So... I don't have to use the ticket until I'm already on the train bound for Timber? Couldn't we just stay in here and get there for free? This is stupid. Zell is stupid.
You can't take Zell anywhere.
Absolutely fucking batshit loco.
No. I don't care.
Hahahaha. 
. From now on I'm going to be referring to Zell as Mr. Know-It-All-Zell.
What's the matter? Heavy flow?
That's probably because you've got heavy flow.
Same to you, Mr. Know-It-All-Zell.
...oh.
What in Hyne's name? Who are these guys?
They fight pretty well...
Well, let's see who they are, then.
Well, they're way cooler than Robert, Selphie and Mr. Know-It-All-Zell, that's for sure. Check out that goddamn anchor. That is the epitome of manly weaponry, right there.
Looks like they're soldiers of some sort.
Ah, the Timber Army. Mr. Know-It-All-Zell said something about that. So these must be Galbadian soldiers!
Stupid Galbadian soldiers.
Mutinous, stupid Galbadian soldiers.
Well, this Laguna has his priorities sorted, at least.
We're regulars here, so it seems. Laguna has his eye on the piano player. Proper totty.
Hell yeah he is, aren't you, Laguna?
A good start -
- then his leg cramps up -
- and he stumbles back to his table, looking completely retarded. Crash and burn.
Kiros: "Laguna sucks, hahahaha. Hey Ward, check it, Laguna's gay. HEY JULIA, THE GUY WHO JUST FELL OFF YOUR STEPS IS GAY." *stands up and points to Laguna* "ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF THE GALBADIAN HOTEL: LAGUNA LOIRE AT TABLE 3B WITH THE SISSY LONG HAIR IS GAY AND IS NOW ACCEPTING GAY OFFERS FROM ALL MEN IN THE HOTEL."
Amazingly, Julia is not repulsed by fuckup Laguna. In fact, she immediately sits down and invites him to her room. Maybe it's Laguna's lucky night.
"You're the gay fella I heard from downstairs, right?"
Julia is not corporeal, how about that.
Yawn. This is boring. You're boring, Julia.
It better be, like, 1000g. Because that's about how much the time I'm wasting is worth. I don't get you women, you wear low-cut dresses and whisper "hey wanna come up to my room?" like it's a clandestine thing, then all you want to do is bitch about how much you suck at writing songs?
Thank Christ for that.
No. Hey, did you ever hear of "the ladder theory"? Basically, it means if I ever see you again, I'm pretty sure I'm going to beat you to death with a ladder.
God damn it, Loire.
Also, to the guy who said there was a physical resemblance between Laguna and Robert earlier in the thread: You are mistaken.
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