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Awight?

Summary of the previous thread:

Chroanopol started off, got up to asking people what the main character should be called and then completely vanished
I took over on Page 8, named him Robert, and showed everyone how Let's Play threads should be done
Ak Gara and Ramseyk nearly came to blows over whether Rinoa and Ultimecia were the same person or not, and then kissed and made up. It was very moving.
I hated Zell
I hated Rinoa and named her Worf and her dog Vaginal
I hated Selphie
I love Quistis
We ended on a high note, with Zell, Worf and Selphie being killed in a massive explosion.

That's right, folks, I'm back in action, now with my very own thread. Hell yeah. To celebrate, here's a massive update.

Chapter 5: OIL be back (lol)

Home sweet home.

Alright! But the missiles could still be coming, so let's go warn Xu and that hot Trepe groupie and then get out of here.

Oh, by the way, from here on in I'm not doing the Robin Williams thing because there's too much of Cid to do it for every image. Sorry fellas.

Ho-kay! Great. I'm going to sort this out...

...but there's just one thing I have to do first.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHA! AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alright, back to Garden.

Hey, with a name like that, how can we lose?

I see. I always knew the Faculty guys were fucking creepy.

Oh, fuck. Not you faggots again.

Hey guys, riddle me this. Why is "NORG" spelled in capitals? And how would Robert pick that up in conversation? I'd like to think that whenever 'NORG' comes up in a sentence, it is bellowed rather than spoken.

You know what? Never mind.

I'll tell you where we shouldn't look: sensible places.

Those guys sure are something awful!

OH GOD, HELP

Soon enough, we find Xu. She'll know where Captain Cid is!

I bet it's somewhere really sneaky. Like in the back seat of a car in the parking lot, under a blanket.

I see. And this... foolproof plan actually worked?

Say, I've got an idea. Since NORG!!!'s dudes didn't have the IQ to look for you in your office, let's just tell 'em that you're hiding in the magical room-temperature lava that exists in the Fire Cavern. It'll be easy. "Just jump in and swim around, guys! He's in there somewhere!"

"Because you'll just fuck it all up, sir."

'Rumor has it?' I mean, there could be anything down there. It could just be a bunch of classrooms. I bet it IS a bunch of classrooms, because there's only one classroom in this entire Garden and that's just silly.

This is getting better and better.

The missiles are coming!

The elevator jammed for no real reason, so we just used the floor hatch. Yeah, that's practical.

Anyone who's actually played this part of Final Fantasy VIII will please show me some respect for doing this in one try without an autofire facility. My index finger glowed red and snapped off.

After climbing a ladder which threw him through a plate-glass window, Robert continues into the bowels of Garden -

And had to fight these guys.

These weird, ineffective-looking slugs are actually arguably the toughest non-optional enemies in the game. I was more worried by these guys than I will be by Ultimecia. They do about 900 non-elemental damage per hit, and if you don't have your party up to scratch it's devastating. Mind you -

I'm a fucking badass so these guys were no trouble.

WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME! DAMMIT!

OK, jiggle the levers, see what happens.

I wish FF8 had voice acting, because I would LOVE to know what that sounds like.

The machinery springs to life -

And the platform is thrust, penis-like, into the cavernous vagina that is Cid's office.

Garden begins to glow...

SHIT, MISSLES!

In a rather unexpected twist, Garden lifts itself up and gets the fuck out of the way. That's a pretty awesome defense system. I bet the White House can do the same.