<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
Chapter 9: The Most Retarded Story Ever Told
We've been here, like, ten seconds, and we saw you on the previous screen.
Haha, no. It's not happening, you're Level 12 and Robert's Level 60. Seriously, not in a million years.
Yeah, all 200HP per hit of it.
It begins.
At four years old? Jesus Christ, Irvine. That's illegal in all 50 states, that's what that is.
FUN FACT: You can't name Selphie, Quistis, Zell or Irvine in this game because if you did there wouldn't be Sefie, Quisty, CRY-BABY-ZELL or Irvy.
If you didn't pick it up from the previous caption, Sefie is pre-puberty Selphie. Well, I guess Selphie is pre-puberty Selphie.
Oh my. This is certainly interesting and also retarded.
BECAUSE I FIGURED YOU'D KNOW ALL ABOUT IT HAVING BEEN THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN IT
Haha. Even at the age of 4, Zell dresses like a fairy.
Hey, it's that kid who we earlier established as Robert.
She's not even here. She's off in Winhill. With your dad. Hahaha.
"Hey Zell! Fuck off!"
HAHA ZELL YOU'RE ADOPTED
Ahahaha.
I guess Seifer's not such a bad guy after all.
Yeah, this is not a surprise to us.
How can you be a whiny emo faggot at the age of four? It boggles the mind.
DING DING DING, Selphie. You're a fucking genius. I swear.
Uh, you forgot, too.
Sorry, what? You can't just postulate something like that without any sort of backing up, Irvine.
Unless you're talking to Zell, who will buy anything.
Here's Selphie doing that incredibly irritating dance she does when she has a secret to tell - in this case, the secret is "I junctioned a GF when I was about 12".
WHY ARE WE ALL TAKING THIS AS GOSPEL 
Is it OK if we just don't summon them? Because I don't even do that anyway.
Why the hell would I want to keep memories of you idiots?
I hope Matron's hot.
Good so far...
Yeah, I think she's going to be hot!
SHIT! She's married.
Oh yeah, and that as well.
No, not really. I mean, if I had Sorceress powers, I'd totally take over the world.
That seems to be an ongoing theme.
Why would that be 'best'?
Fuck yeah we are. Lion Heart 
Let's not do that, then.
Everyone but the player.
Snow? In the mountains? The mountains near the north pole? INCONCEIVABLE.
Dear Selphie,
You are batshit.
Yours sincerely,
Robert.
I'm gonna look through her underwear drawer.
So yeah. We got the stupidest bit of story ever ('we all grew up together and completely forgot and never questioned the fact that we had no memories'), and to top it all off, the Random rule got introduced in Cards. Fuck.
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index