Half-Life - Chapter 34

<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index

holy shit why is this chapter so fucking long.

before we continue, id like to show you some pictures i took of the funniest thing ever

that is fucking hilarious.

anyways back to prancing around like a gaywad

god damn that is a ridiculously big gun. unfortunately even though gordon is carrying around like 15 weapons already including a giant rocket launcher and wild snarks who want to bite his dick off, he's too much of a weak bitch to carry this cannon with him. Thanks a lot, gordon.

he can use it, but it's really not as useful as you'd think, since you can't really aim it, just move it from side to side

although firing it is pretty fun

unfortunately in the decade or so it takes gordon to turn this cannon three feet to the left he starts getting attacked.

ah, getting a kill with this gun is very satisfying

anyways you might have noticed that big metal door in the background. i have to use this gun to blow it up

yeah, it takes a couple shots

and then you gotta fire it AGAIN to kill all the aliens or whatever the fuck is in there

the game tells me to stop but im a total badass so i dont listen

"my, what LONG hallways you have, valve!" "All the better to BORE you with."

oh my god, a vortigaunt. i havent seen these guys in so long... ive forgotten what to do!

durrr better check the guide

oh yea, i can shoot them with my guns!

thanks, prima!

what the shit is this supposed to be?

if you get close, shit happens

HOLY SHITE

it launches you up like 20 feet in the air, which is actually pretty cool

i was getting tired of using stairs anyways

i find some more GAYliens fighting some more soldiWHORES.

they all kill each other before I can jump down and fight them. war is hell, folks

oh great, a god damn vent. here comes valve with their god damn vent sequences, 'oh look at us, we can put a headcrab in the vents' yeah you think your real fuckin funny valve well you arent tricking me, i know your going to put a headcrab in the damn vent and im goin in with my shotgun

HOLY SHIGFJDK A FUCKIN SNARK

fuck you valve. fuck you in the ass

theres like ten of them in the vent. what a mess

in this little hole are some more collectable snarks. i have no idea why these ones look nothing like snarks at all in either size or color, but whatever.

anyways in another TOTALLY NEW AND UNEXPECTED twist by valve i fall through the vents into the next room

with some more soldiers. the military is apparently an equal opportunity employer because they've hired a ton of the mentally challenged.

rot in retard hell

this place has a pretty sweet company car

unfortunately this isn't grand thefts automobiles so i cant take it

i guess this is the way out

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

HOLY SHIT. lets not go in there

so uh

i guess THIS is the way out

i have to stand on some stupid raised platform and jump out, but theres a bunch of asshole soldiers out there

heh heh heh ehfhseijfkd

if i ever have a son, im naming him "snark"

another giant gay gun (or g3 as i call them)

it can pretty much do one thing: fire into this door. which is convenient because exactly as i get behind this gun, a bunch of aliens start walking out the door, in single file, very slowly, and continuously even though they see their friend right in front of them die in a huge explosion