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Episode II: Home Invasion

When last we left our hero, he was dumped in the middle of nowhere in NoestaEspaña with little more than a handgun and a photo of a girl he’s supposed to rescue on the vague pretenses that she may or may not have possibly been seen in a rural village by a tip from some guy. Don’t mind the details, let’s get to it!

A nearby house catches Leon’s attention. Little does he know the peril which awaits him.

BIRDS FUCK!

FUCK!!

Leon does the rational thing to protect himself…

…ooh. For profit too, it seems.

Elsewhere, a shadowy figure spies our hero.

¡Jesús, ese hombre está tirando a pájaros en mi yarda! (I speak Spanish good )

Leon charges into the home, gun in hand, fresh crow blood coating his boots.

Strikes a pose! A man is tending to the fireplace.

"I keep telling you, this isn't 'a few birds'! These are gulls, crows, swifts...!"

Leon is ignored by the man. He approaches and gains his attention.

"I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?"

Leon pulls out a picture of his objective

Ears like a chimp? Slightly more masculine haircut than I have? Wearing the exact same outfit as this stock photo we have of her? Seen her?

Which is, honestly, a perfectly reasonable response. How would you like it if some guy speaking a foreign language shot at animals in your front yard, barged into your home, then shoved a picture of someone in your face while holding a pistol in the other?

Judging by the lack of actual translating of dialogue (there’s not actual any subtitles, you ingrates), I’m going to assume Leon cannot speak Spanish. Which, with the careful mission planning thus far, does not surprise me in the least.

The villager makes a move to protect his home. Or make a tacky Lord of the Rings Gimli joke. (Note: there’s some weird blur effect on the axe here, so I couldn’t get it without ghosting)

Leon zones out and is nearly killed by the scared homeowner. He manages to roll across the room at the last second and strike a pose.

“No hablo inglés, Señor.”

Yup. Not a lick of Spanish.

Leon does the American thing and shoots him right in the ear.

Outside, a truck starts up and speeds toward Uno and Dos!

Shooting and gunfire from the pair ensue, followed by a loud crash. I said they’d make it up to twenty minutes. I didn’t say the whole length.

This will be the first in a series of progressively intense emotions for the loss of characters Leon barely knows. Culminating in a near crying outburst for a guy he knew all of ten minutes.

Leon then receives a call, no doubt scolding him for brutally murdering that villager.

No big deal. Just…murder.

Well, hostile post home invasion. Well within his rights to attack me, actually.

Then loot his corpse. His wallet was also hostile. Oh yeah, the cops with me are dead too. That wasn’t me. Remember to hit up corpse wallets

*cocks pistol* Hostile, of course.

I’m sure a backwoods farming community will have no quarrel with you after gunning down a middle aged man from the edge of town.

The lives of dozens upon dozens of farmers are irrelevant. You have an American to rescue.

With the Fifth Freedom apparently granted, Leon continues.

Six years later Leon still checks every last corpse for signs of the undead.

Who could that have…

…oh.

Leon heads upstairs, checking out the pleasant decorations of the modest home.

Upstairs little aside from some ammunition and a window. Leon could just sneak out quietly through it and slip off. But, that’s far too obvious. He instead decides to heave himself out from the second story.

The locals are less than impressed.

But quickly pacified

With no less than four kills and a few foul feathered fiends dispatched, Leon observes a post directing him to the village he seeks.

Leon S. Kennedy will return in... Episode III: Sure is Taking a While to Get to That Damn Village.


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