Part 18: Race!
MEGA MAN 4 RACE Mega Man racing is quite fun, as you may know. So yes, there will be a Mega Man 4 race happening in this very thread! You too can
ROUND 1 RACES Goal: Beat the eight robot masters in any order.
To advance: Make one of the top 15 shortest times, measured from press-start on the first robot master at the boss select screen to the final blow on the eighth robot master.
Group 1: Phiggle, Dragonatrix, TheGreatGuy, TheWanderingNewbie
"Trainwreck ahoy!" Actually this was a good race, but you can't win by skipping to the next game or surrendering, guys!
Group 2: Simply Simon, Syrg Sapphire, Dectilon, Vprisoner
Syrg gets so drunk, the video does too.
Simply Simon, Syrg Sapphire, Dectilon and Vprisoner take on the first eight robot masters. Nausea warning applies after about 35 minutes.
Group 3: Signal Interrupt, BreakTargets, unpronounceable, RaspberryCommie
BreakTargets tries to talk about Spiral Knights, the Japanese version of TF2.
Signal Interrupt, BreakTargets, unpronounceable and RaspberryCommie take on the first eight robot masters. Phiggle accommodates unpronounceable's request to be in the bottom left (you're welcome!). Syrg helpfully hosts the call, as well as a cooking show or something. I don't know.
Group 4: Volcano Style, Vicas, Star Man, CirclMastr -- plus this Group 4 BONUS VIDEO
Vicas and CirclMastr trashtalk relentlessly while Volcano Style dies enough for Star Man to finish Life Force. Meanwhile on Syrg's computer: "You searched "Mega Man VoidBurger" on fanfiction.net - Hits: 1"
Volcano Style, Vicas, Star Man, and CirclMastr take on the first eight robot masters. GROUP 4 LIVES! (for fanfiction evidently, ugh) Syrg and UZworm add flavor and Volcano Style and Vicas set game over land-speed records.
Bonus: Star Man plays Life Force to completion while Volcano Style, Vicas, and CirclMastr wrap up their round 1 race. Then other things happened in the rest of the call! To find out which things, turn to page 103.
Group 5: Ephraim225, Zain, Funktor, Taoto
The Died to Toad Man Club used to be so exclusive. Now they're just letting anybody in.
Ephraim225, Zain, Funktor, and Taoto take on the first eight robot masters. Group 5 before Group 4?! Yes, it's true. Vicas helpfully hosts the call and plays MM4 with his feet to everyone's delight. And Toad Man exacts his revenge on everyone everywhere.
Group 6: Diabetus, CherryDoom, Faceguy, Binjin
"Just push right, that's all you need to do to win Mega Man 4." - Bright Man, the Smartest Robot Master
Diabetus, CherryDoom, Faceguy, and Binjin take on the first eight robot masters. Dectilon hosts a lively discussion about Mega Man comic books while CherryDoom fights for sandwich cookie supremacy. Also the other three were pretty good all around.
Group 7: FraudulentEconomics, Bellmaker, KingEffingFrost, Greywords
Holy crap, a fully competent group? With a legit photo finish?? I'm confused.
FraudulentEconomics, Bellmaker, KingEffingFrost, and Greywords take on the first eight robot masters. Signal Interrupt hosts the race. Dive Man holds his own in a 1-on-4 confrontation. And nothing ever happens in Alaska.
Group 8: Trizophenie, Mr. Locke, Zebrin, FighterKnuckles
Mr. Locke has a race route breakthrough while Zebrin makes a joke he can't quite take back.
Trizophenie (also known as Eglador), Mr. Locke, Zebrin, and FighterKnuckles take on the first eight robot masters. Signal Interrupt keeps the group in line. Elephantgun also tried to race but vwa vwaaa vwa vwaa vwa.
Group 9: Elephantgun, Some Strange Flea, Volfogg, Janderbuilt
Caution: racers in Group 9 will get wet. And not just because Toad Man jiggles and pees on them.
Elephantgun, Some Strange Flea, Volfogg, and Janderbuilt take on the first eight robot masters. Syrg helps them to solve the puzzle of the worst robot master. Elephantgun (spoilers, however insert Splash Woman joke here). And the steady shoving of prior qualifiers off the top-12 cliff continues unabated.
Group 10: Chip Cheezum, General Ironicus, VoidBurger, Wogturt
In today's PowerPoint Presentation, VoidBurger illustrates why Macs are bad.
Chip Cheezum, General Ironicus, VoidBurger, and Wogturt take on the first eight robot masters, with Dectilon and Faceguy along for the ride. VoidBurger's game lags, she reasonably resorts to save states, and her save state window needed obscuring due to "sensitive infobits." She, Chip and everyone else suffer their own special blends of entertaining disaster. Never surrender unless you are too metal to continue.
Group 11: Studio, GuidoAnchovies, Charkie, Mr. Swoon
Three competent racers vs. "I just picked this game up 10 minutes ago because Blister sucks."
Studio, GuidoAnchovies, Charkie, and Mr. Swoon take on the first eight robot masters. Dectilon hosts and manages to coach very few players to collide with icebergs. Meanwhile, Mr. Swoon harnesses the power of lying.
Group 12: Robviously, Xenoveritas, atwulf, Jazerus
Which will end first: the longest Round 1 run so far or the entirety of Super Mario Bros.?
Robviously, Xenoveritas, atwulf, and Jazerus take on the first eight robot masters. Vicas helps them along and provides FF5 chat. Controllers and microphones suffer horrible. Plus this episode is almost 90 minutes long, eep.
Group 13: FreezingInferno, A_Raving_Loon, Golden_Zucchini, Dresh
A_Raving_Loon races to the bottom in this 2 hour epic. Hang around (get it??) for a full LP of Ninja Gaiden.
FreezingInferno, A_Raving_Loon, Golden_Zucchini, and Dresh take on the first eight robot masters. And entire other games. And meta-games. And TIME ITSELF in this feature film-length nosedive into madness. Xenoveritas and Jazerus hang in there for as long as you could ask.
ROUND 2 RACES Goal: Beat the fortress stages. Times aren't cumulative, so if you were in last place last round you can still make it to the Final Round.
To advance: Make the top four shortest times from press-start on the Dr. Cossack
Who plays: Typically 2-3 qualifiers with the rest being wildcards playing for fun.
Group 1: KingEffingFrost, TheGreatGuy, Syrg Sapphire, FighterKnuckles -- also Group 1 Bonus Video
Races always go better with a little advice from our guest racer, Mr. Nicolas Cage. He reminds us it's not drunk driving if the dog drives.
KingEffingFrost and TheGreatGuy take on the fortress stages as contenders, with Syrg Sapphire and FighterKnuckles along as wildcards and Volfogg hosting. Well, Syrg was supposed to show up... but a special guest did instead and revealed the mysteries of everything.
Bonus: KingEffingFrost, TheGreatGuy, Syrg Sapphire and FighterKnuckles play on after their race. Volfogg hosts. All progress has ended. Syrgvision returns but cannot help Syrg locate certain keys. You may regret watching this.
Group 2: Ephraim225, Charkie, Jazerus, unpronounceable
While the other three move quickly, unpronounceable hangs back to kill all the Cossack bosses with the Wire.
Ephraim225, Charkie, and Jazerus take on the fortress stages as contenders, with unpronounceable along as a wildcard and TheGreatGuy hosting. A trap gets sprung on Ephraim225. Meanwhile, unpronounceable attempts to wire Cossack bosses to death, Emasculation Station-style.
Group 3: Dectilon, Phiggle, Studio, Vicas, PART 1 -- also, PART 2
Two racers go neck and neck AW DAMMIT at breakneck speed DAMMIT while Vicas gets loaded and DAMMIT RUSH NO
Dectilon, Phiggle, and Studio take on the fortress stages as contenders, with Vicas along as a wildcard and Zain hosting. The trains that start the fastest wreck the hardest. Just ask Vicas, who will tell you that beautiful and crazy things happen once in a Blue Moon. Just scooch onto the edge of your seat at the start to save yourself some time.
Part 2: After Dectilon, Phiggle and Studio finished their runs of Round 2, Vicas swore vengeance on the Wily stages and set on a crusade to beat them while wasted. I don't know how you could watch all of this madness, but good for you if you do I suppose!
Group 4: Greywords, Taoto, Zebrin, Vicas
Is it really possible that the only guy drinking wins this race?
Greywords gets the green light to go solo as a qualifier, while Taoto, Zebrin and a sober Vicas go along for the ride as wildcards. Dive Man also makes his presence known again. Who will the refights favor? Is it possible that alcohol really is a performance enhancing drug?
Group 5: Vprisoner, Volfogg, Janderbuilt, Charkie
Vprisoner teaches us the benefits of reading comprehension.
Vprisoner, Volfogg, and Janderbuilt take on the fortress stages as contenders, with Zain hosting and Charkie joining in to race again, drink heavily and distract racers in an attempt to hold on to the fourth slot in the finals. Charkie's drinking is the least of this video's problems. This is attempt 2, because Vprisoner forgot to record attempt 1 and that's a worse sign than you might guess. Yay for reading comprehension.
ROUND 2 BONUS RACE (just for fun)
Bonus: Some Strange Flea, atwulf, KingEffingFrost, Volcano Style
"By the end of this run, I will be like five words away from a Nuremberg trial. Oh, fuck you Slinky!"
Some Strange Flea, atwulf, KingEffingFrost, and Volcano Style take a fun run through the fortress stages with Volfogg hosting. Special guest star: lots of hard liquor. Volcano Style reclaims his rightful throne. This race only counts for humor/shame purposes.
FINAL RACE (for all the Mega Marbles) Goal: Beat the whole game using the Mega Buster only, except for bosses where weapon usage is mandatory. Rush, Wire, and Balloon are OK.
Who plays: The top four racers from Round 2 go.
Final: Dectilon, Phiggle, Volfogg, KingEffingFrost
The race for second place takes endless shocking twists!
In the finale of the Mega Man 4 races, Dectilon, Phiggle, Volfogg and KingEffingFrost take on the whole game with just the buster, Rush and adapters. Simply Simon hosts, along with Simply Simon (who recorded the call, with an echo, but did not record his own audio). Did Volfogg and KingEffingFrost benefit from practicing with drunks? Is Dectilon still the big Mega Man on campus, or was there a colossal upset? What IS Pharaoh Shot, anyway, and do you really want two of them rubbed in your face, Wily? These questions and more will be answered... or they won't. I forget.
Final Round Bonus Race: Taoto, Zain, Charkie, Vicas, Part 1 and Part 2
Vicas experiences love, loss, serious inebriation, and the revolution of the punk genre. A marathon Greek tragedy in two parts.
Taoto, Zain, Charkie, and Vicas try to beat the game with "just the buster, Rush and adapters." Which means "just the buster, Rush, adapters, boss weapons, alcohol, more alcohol, and we're not sure we'll beat the game." But a good time was had by these guys and perhaps you too. Volfogg and KingEffingFrost tag along to chat and warm up for the real final.
Part 2: Wow, you got to this point? Impressive. Taoto, Zain, and Charkie are done, Volfogg and KingEffingFrost are still hanging around, but Vicas just never quits. Perhaps alcohol shut off the "quitting" node of his brain. Godspeed, Vicas.
GOT BANDWIDTH/PLAYBACK ISSUES?
The race videos can get huge (well, relative to most NES footage), so click this link for smaller versions you can download in chunks.
INTERESTED IN THE SOUNDTRACKS?
A list of song titles for the races can be found here.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SONG IN GROUP 4?
Here it is. It is an UZworm exclusive made for Star Man for I don't know what reason.
ROUND 1 SCOREBOARD
0:20:22 Dectilon
0:25:41 Funktor
0:26:25 Ephraim225
0:27:16 KingEffingFrost
0:27:43 Charkie
0:27:58 Phiggle
0:28:08 Jazerus (with controller breakage, 39:31)
0:28:16 Studio
0:28:28 Vprisoner
0:29:09 Volfogg
0:29:17 TheGreatGuy
0:29:37 Janderbuilt
0:29:41 FraudulentEconomics (29:41.633)
0:29:41 Greywords (29:41.800)
0:29:52 Mr. Locke
------------TOP 15 ENDS HERE------------
0:31:01 BreakTargets
0:31:36 unpronounceable
0:31:44 Diabetus
0:33:28 Faceguy
0:34:08 RaspberryCommie
0:34:16 Trizophenie
0:34:21 Simply Simon
0:34:47 Star Man
0:35:18 TheWanderingNewbie
0:36:10 Binjin
0:37:04 Taoto
0:37:27 FreezingInferno
0:38:15 Chip Cheezum (with glitch restart, 49:06)
0:39:11 Zebrin
0:40:55 Dresh
0:42:12 Vicas
0:42:58 CirclMastr
0:45:21 GuidoAnchovies
0:46:16 Elephantgun
0:47:29 Signal Interrupt
0:58:14 Bellmaker
1:04:01 Robviously
1:04:39 atwulf
1:23:33 Xenoveritas
1:55:31 Golden_Zucchini
1:56:17 A_Raving_Loon
-:--:-- General Ironicus (7 robot masters completed; with Dive Man update, ~169:07:05)
-:--:-- Zain (5 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Voidburger (5 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Dragonatrix (3 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- FighterKnuckles (3 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Some Strange Flea (2 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Volcano Style (1 robot master completed)
-:--:-- CherryDoom (0 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Wogturt (0 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Mr. Swoon (0 robot masters completed)
-:--:-- Syrg Sapphire (god only knows)
ROUND 2 SCOREBOARD
QUALIFIERS
0:21:13 Dectilon
0:22:14 Phiggle
0:23:10 Volfogg
0:25:46 KingEffingFrost
---FINAL ROUND CUT LINE---
0:26:38 Charkie (while drunk: 41:42)
0:31:04 TheGreatGuy
0:32:22 Janderbuilt
0:34:29 Ephraim225
0:35:48 Greywords
0:36:49 Jazerus
0:47:45 Studio
-:--:-- Vprisoner (reached Wily 1 and remedial reading comprehension course)
QUALIFIERS WHO DIDN'T RACE ROUND 2:
Funktor, FraudulentEconomics, Mr. Locke
NOT QUALIFIERS, RACED ROUND 2 ANYWAY
0:51:38 Zebrin
0:53:59 Taoto
1:00:16 Vicas (sober redemption run)
1:17:05 unpronounceable (beat Cossack bosses with Wire!)
-:--:-- Drunk Vicas (reached Wily 3)
-:--:-- Some Strange Flea (reached Wily 1)
-:--:-- FighterKnuckles (reached Cossack 3)
-:--:-- Syrg Sapphire (reached Cossack 2)
-:--:-- atwulf (reached Cossack 2)
-:--:-- Volcano Style (reached AA meeting)
FINAL RESULTS
0:45:26 Dectilon - wins the race!...........................
0:53:55 Volfogg - wins Platinum for his awesome performance!
0:54:21 KingEffingFrost - tells the best jokes!.............
0:54:41 Phiggle - colon gonk colon..........................
Also, thanks to Signal Interrupt for these images used in various race situations:
Phiggle deserves this and more. Thanks, Deargodalion.
