Part 18: A Load Of Bull

Update 13: A Load Of Bull

Following the directions in XX!XX!'s note, the party flew to area B-3.



"Well, this is about as close to our destination as we can get without trying to force our way through the trees."
"Let's do that, then."



"Well, would you look at that. It actually worked. Time to stumble blindly through the forest and hope we can get to the stronghold from here, then."

A mysterious force nullified all the party's magic while they were in the forest, making monster encounters far more dangerous than usual. But the party persevered, and soon they arrived at their destination...







"Blowing that stupid whistle actually worked? Huh."



"My magic is working again, but be careful. I sense great evil in this stronghold."
"Aw, you're always sensing evil. Like that time I tried to put an ice cube down your dress and you caught me when I was still like ten feet away! How'd you do that?"
"Far be it from me to help you in your mischief, but you probably would have done better had you approached from behind, rather than from directly in front of me with the ice cube in plain view."



"Specimen tank? What the hell is that?"



"Apparently, it means 'room full of weak monsters.'"



Behind a grate to the northwest, the party found a strange room.

"Either somebody set up a very large 3-D chessboard in this room, or... or..."
"Or what?"
"I have no idea. I was hoping somebody would interrupt with a suggestion before I got to that part."
"Or whoever decorated it was colourblind?"
"Oh, sure, now you think of something. Let's forget this whole shameful incident and go check out those other grates."



"Damn it all, Successhands! Succeed more!"



"Hey, I got the grate open, didn't I? And once our corneas thaw out, we'll be able to see what's on the other side!"



"Um, guys? Can anyone tell me what this message is supposed to mean? Because I'm stumped."
"Easy! 'For tasks and rating' means that someone will set us tasks and then assess us on our performance. 'Be from 6th Frustrations!' means that to get tasks from whoever it is, the six of us have to annoy him a lot. And 'the to in' was just added at the end because whoever wrote the message had some spare gold ink and didn't want it to go to waste."
"Well, that seems plausible enough, except for the part where it makes no sense whatsoever. Does anyone who isn't Jostiband want to have a try at deciphering it?"
"It's no use. It says it's Message 3, so I expect we shall have to find at least two other messages before it makes any sense."



"'Do Not Disturb', it says. Good. Then they won't be expecting us when we barge in."

Behind the door waited a group of thieves and clerics, who were no match for the party.



"More like the Council of Weakness, if they're on the same level as the rest of the pathetic slime living down here."



The barbarians proved to be a minor challenge, but still well within the party's abilities.



"Successhands, if you set off a trap that kills us all, you're dead."
"I know you intended that to be a threat, but it's actually a tautology. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."



"Cool, a hammer! Can I have it?"
"Go ahead. All I need is my sword."
"I know. I've seen you polishing it."



"Ewww, minotaur dung!"
"Wait, how do you know it's minotaur dung? Are you really so familiar with minotaur dung that you can distinguish it from other kinds of dung by sight alone?"
"I grew up on a farm, so I can tell cow dung by the smell. And I figure there probably aren't any cows down here, so that means it's probably from a minotaur."



"Also, that tapestry over there is kind of a clue."
"... touche."



"Hey, Tarquinn, I think that's an invitation!"
"You just keep at it, kid. You'll get yours."



Trolls regenerate and Cave Giants are strong, but the party is stronger. Victory is theirs once again!



"Wait, this dungeon has a second floor? How deep does it go?"



The second floor was much like the first, but filled with significantly more dangerous monsters. After a few battles, the party needed to rest and recover their strength.

I'm sure you can all guess what happened next.



"Oh gods, it's a basilisk! Mattybee, shoot it! Or use your magic to wake everyone up so they can kill it! Just do something!"
"I'm on it. Jostiband, get us out of here!"



"I... don't think that spell works here."
"We'll just have to fight, then. Tarquinn! Break through the enemy's lines so we can attack the basilisk!"



"Okay, time for Plan B."
"..."
"... does anyone have a Plan B?"
"Blast everything with lightning bolts until either it dies or we do?"
"Good enough!"



"Well, that's one threat dealt with. At least the mage can only kill one of us at a time."



Amazingly, the party was victorious, albeit with one member dead and the survivors' strength almost depleted.

"That was far too close. I'll cast Surface to bring us back to relative safety under the protective light of the sun. We can come back here once Tarquinn is revived."



A couple of spells and 200 gold pieces later, Tarquinn was revived.

"What the hell happened? Last thing I remember was that old fart in robes pointing at me."
"When a wizard gives you the finger, he doesn't mess around."



"Let's try not to get killed this time, shall we?"



"Hey, remember what I said about not getting killed? Fighting giants isn't the way to do it."



"Especially not giants who can conjure up giant magical swords to carve up the whole party."



After another close battle, the giants were defeated.



"Well, I think we all learned a lot from that. Most importantly: don't fuck with storm giants."



"I hope this treasure is worth it. Let's see here... I'll just open this latch, and..."



"Hey, you once again failed to set off a deathtrap! Great job, Successhands!"
"Are those magical bracers? Let me try them on! They provide excellent protection from physical attacks, and they match my earrings!"



"Demons? This should be easy."



The party should count themselves lucky that there was only one rakshasa: those fireballs pack a punch.



"And now, to claim our just reward for smiting those fiends!"
"Yeah, and maybe we'll find some treasure, too!"
"That was what I-- never mind. Successhands, you do the honours."



"Any objections to my taking that crossbow?"
"Actually, let me take a look at that first."
"If I use it, it'll mean I set off traps less often."
"Objection withdrawn."



"What? Oh, don't tell me there are nine of those stupid messages."
"Well, we don't know there are only nine. There could be more."
"Damn it, don't tell me that either!"



"Gee, I wonder if there could be minotaurs somewhere in this dungeon?"
"I think there must be! Otherwise, there wouldn't be all this minotaur dung on the floor and all these tapestries of minotaurs on the walls."
"When your mother dropped you on your head as a child, was it accidental or deliberate?"



"Watch out! Those are deadly spores!"
"What's so deadly about them?"



"That."

1-10 damage to the entire party can add up fast when 13 spores are exploding all at once. It's best to kill exploding monsters quickly.



"Everyone, attack the eye first! It can cast Finger of Death!"
"How? It doesn't have any fingers."
"Okay, so it's more like Optic Nerve of Death. The death part is the important part, surely."



"It's dead now. And there's sticky goo all over my sword."
"Sounds like someone got overexcited again."



"Huh. That eye was somehow carrying a treasure chest around."
"A gold chest, no less! I hope that crossbow is as lucky as you say it is, Successhands, because I don't think we can survive whatever trap this has in store for us."




"Well, we survived. And I guess I'll be taking that scimitar, since I clearly need even more luck."
"Successhands?"
"Yeah?"
"I hate you with every fibre of my being. I hate you with my head, my arms, my legs, my hands and my feet. I hate you with my liver, my kidneys, my heart and my spleen. I hate you with parts of my body that I didn't even know I had until now. Medical science will be advanced immeasurably by the discovery of organs which exist for the sole purpose of hating you, Successhands."



"And as soon as you get out of that solid block of ice you're frozen into, I am going to beat the tar out of you."

After resting to thaw out and heal their wounds (and then resting again to heal Successhands' wounds after Tarquinn made good on his promise), the party moved on in search of more treasure and, hopefully, fewer traps.



"Aw, what a cute little dog! Here, boy! Fetch!"
"It's a statue, Drewjitsu."
"I knew that!"
"Also, you just threw your hammer and hit me in the face."
"Whoops."

One more severe beating and several hours of rest later, the party inspected the statue.



"Who?"



"Oh, hey, it left some treasure for us."



"Great. It gave us a key we already have. That was completely worth coming all the way down here for."



"Hey, guys, I think there's a minotaur in this maze!"



The maze proved difficult and confusing: every time the party took a step or even turned in the wrong direction, they were teleported back to the start.



Through trial and error (mostly the latter), they finally reached the opposite end.



"Hey, guys, look! Minotaurs! I was right!"
"I'd noticed."



Might & Magic has decided that these minotaurs are too easy for a level-8 party, and is therefore throwing in random monsters to spice the battle up. Ghosts can cause party members to age, so it's best to avoid letting them attack the party in melee. Unfortunately, they're strong enough to resist Turn Undead most of the time.

"Good thing Agent Jostiband is on the case!"

Meanwhile, the Gray Minotaur hits for around 50-80 damage per round, and any character rendered unconscious by its attacks will be asleep when revived. Regular minotaurs are considerably less deadly, but still a threat, especially when only two party members are absorbing all the damage.



"Finally! That took far too long. Time to mop up the rest of the minotaurs."



"Can I help with that?"



"This is awesome. No wonder Jostiband's gone crazy with power."
"Hey! I'm not power-crazy, I'm just the regular kind of crazy!"



"Successhands, how the hell did you manage to kill the Gray Minotaur and the last minotaur? You're the weakest fighter of us all!"
"I guess my magically-enhanced luck is good for something after all."




Never before has an experience award been so hard-earned or so well-deserved.



"Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went all this way and defeated all those minotaurs only to be killed by a trap on a chest."
"Eh, I'm sure it'll be fine."



"Successhands, I can't believe you actually risked opening that!"
"Well, I was kinda hoping a minotaur lord's treasure would have something better than a short sword and some gold in it."



In a secret passage behind the minotaur's lair, the party found even more gold.

"Y'know, this would be a lot more useful if we still had anything substantial to spend it on besides training."



"And now I'm going to get us out of here before something else comes along to kill us."

And that's what the party's first real dungeon looked like. If you thought that was tough, well, you ain't seen nothing yet.



"Can I get rid of this stupid whistle now?"



"I'm the luckiest gnome in Varn! I mean, except for all those traps I still keep setting off."



"This hammer smashes enemies and makes my magic better! Awesome!"



"This wand served me well today, but I can't wait until I can cast my own Fireball spells."



"With the forces of light on our side, neither man nor beast nor horrible man-beast hybrid shall stand in our way! Oh, and exploding plants won't stand in our way either. I suppose those weren't covered in any of the previous categories."



"Who needs chainmail when you've got pretty, pretty bracers and the ability to set things on fire with a wave of your hand?"

Next update: the party does some exploring outdoors, and maybe if we're lucky we'll see some new faces! _{and then laugh as they suffer for the main party's benefit}