Part 26: Democracy Doesn't Work
Update 17: Democracy Doesn't Work
Well, you voted for the party to tackle the dungeon under Dragadune next. About 50 TPKs later, it's complete. Witness the results of my suffering.
"Castles! Dungeons! Treasure! This is the adventuring life as it should be! Especially the part with the treasure."
"Also, monsters that keep killing us and deathtraps that you keep failing to disarm."
The party ventured down into the dungeon. What would await them there? Wealth? Experience? Horrible death?
The answer, of course, is "all of the above".
"Are the walls glowing or did I drink too much absinthe last night?" "Is that an inclusive or an exclusive 'or'?"
If you noticed Jostiband's armour class in this picture, then you're less of an idiot than I was.
"Hey, look, it's some kind of temple devoted to wolves. And, uh, passes, apparently." "Ooh! Are they the Clerics of the South?" "Nah, I'm pretty sure they're just random heretics, which means it's okay to smite them. Let's go in."
"Wait a minute, those aren't wolves! Wolves are smaller and hairier and don't have the upper body of a human where their heads should be!"Battle ensued and a good time was had by all, except for the centaurs, clerics and ogres, who were killed.
Continuing onwards, the party found a narrow tunnel leading west. Being explorers at heart, the party followed it without hesitation to see where it led.
The tunnel opened into a natural cavern, widened and furnished with supporting beams.
"Huh. If my Location spell can be trusted, we're directly under the town of Dusk right now." "There's probably a way down here from Dusk, then. We can come back here and explore this cavern from there. For now, we should focus on the dungeon under Dragadune."
And so, the party ended their brief foray into the cavern under Dusk and returned to the dungeon.
"Corak... wasn't there a statue of Corak back in Sorpigal?"
"That's right. He mapped Varn and rediscovered the lost town of Dusk." "I guess he must have come back alive if anyone found out what he discovered, right?"
"Either that, or someone found his journals on his corpse." "Well, in any case, if what Lord Kilburn wanted was for us to retrace Corak's steps, we're succeeding."
"That makes no sense. The last part of what? Anyway, if it's the last part, it can't possibly be the first." "It can if there's only one part." "Nobody asked you."
"Any cult that worships New Order can't be all bad. Bizarre Love Triangle was a great song."
"Love may tear us apart, but gargoyles won't!" "I'm pretty sure they were still Joy Division when they released Love Will Tear Us Apart, actually." "What the hell are you two talking about? Let's get moving before more monsters show up."
"Stupid messages. We'd better find a way to decode them soon, or else!" "... did you just threaten a message etched on a wall?" "No, I threatened every message etched on a wall."
"And there's another of those useless chequered rooms like the one we found in the dungeon in that forest. You know, the one we had to enter by blowing that stupid ruby whistle, which I'm still carrying around because you idiots think it 'might still come in handy'. I'm just about ready to declare a one-man war on dungeon designers."
"Oh, great. The dungeon has more than one floor. Of course. Fine, let's get this over with."
"Hey, guys, let's see what's behind that door over there!"
"Awww, it's just another stairway leading back up. Time to turn around and--"
"Hey, what gives? There was a door there before!" "This is what we get for listening to you." "You'd think we'd have learned by now to simply ignore Drewjitsu's advice, but apparently not."
"Don't worry, it's Jostiband to the rescue! I'll just cast Etherealise and we'll be through that barrier before you can say... well, before you can say some word that takes longer to say than it takes me to cast Etherealise!"
"Damn it, it's another of those chequered rooms. What's the deal with those?" "At least this one doesn't rub it in with the exclamation mark and everything."
"What just happened?" "Earthquake." "Well, obviously. But why?" "Do I look like a geologist to you? Let's just explore this place and get out of here before the roof comes down on our heads."
"We've walked down this corridor for a long time without getting anywhere. I think it's one of those magical endless hallways." "Sounds like it's time for Jostiband to come to the rescue once again!" "Actually, I was just about to cast a Jump spell myself." "Oh. Well, okay, I guess that's fine too. I'll be here when you need something disintegrated." "Even after all this time, I can never tell your offers of help from your veiled threats." "When have I ever made a veiled threat?"
"So the Clerics of the South have sequestered themselves in this dungeon after all. It will be a great honour to finally meet them."
"A third floor? Screw this. We're leaving." "Aw, don't be like that. I'd kinda like to meet the Clerics of the South, and I'm sure there are more evil monsters down there for you to smite." "That's exactly the problem." "Well, too bad. There's bound to be more treasure down there, and we're not leaving until we've found it all."
"Why do I get the uncomfortable feeling that the left wall means it's curtains for us and the right wall means we're coming out of here in a box?"
Each wall concealed a secret passage, leading to a series of unremarkable rooms.
Unremarkable, that is, except that each room was full of powerful monsters.
"Hey, that's XX!XX!XX! He's the guy who left that ruby whistle for us to find!" "How can you tell?" "Easy. He's wearing a name tag."XX!XX!XX! fled as soon as the battle began, but the rest of the monsters were eventually slain.
After leaving the secret area and continuing down the main corridor, the party soon came across a series of three numbered doors. It's worth noting that most of the doors on this level are locked, and the traps are strong enough to wipe out the whole party if they're unlucky. Eventually I got sick of dying that way and had Jostiband Etherealise her way through every locked door we ran into.
"Well, I suppose we should try door number 1 first. It's only logical."
"Hey, there's that prick who gave us the ruby whistle again! Don't let him get away this time!"
"Excellent shot, Drewjitsu! You'd have made a fine archer if only you had the brains to use magic." "Well, that wasn't such a hard fight. I was somehow expecting worse from--"
"... uh-oh." "Maybe it's just a devil that likes to hang around in archways?"
"Or not."
"See how you like getting disintegrated, you big jerk!"
Not that kind of stoned.
"I think it's time to cast Time Distortion, scoop up Mattybee and get out of here."
"And not a moment too soon. Boy, were we ever lucky." "Says you. I'm the one who's gotta drag three statues all the way back to Dusk."
"Well, we made it back alive. Now to get everyone turned back to flesh and maybe cure my lower back injury."
"If they're such great healers, how come they're still ghosts?" "Maybe they like it better this way. You have to admit, being a ghost is pretty cool. You can walk through walls and stuff." "I know Etherealise. I can already walk through walls."
"Can you heal Mattybee? He was on the wrong end of a disintegration spell -- not my fault, I swear. I've got him in this bag here."
"Ah, eradication. That's tricky to cure. 2000 gold." "I knew we should have bought health insurance when we had the chance."
"By the way, would you like that cursed item removed while you're here?" "What cursed item?"
"That cursed item." "Whoops. Looks like those new bracers really were too good to be true after all. Now I wish I hadn't already sold the last set."This update is getting kind of long, isn't it? With the party restored to life and back in Dusk, now seems like a good time to break it up. We'll finish exploring the dungeon under Castle Dragadune tomorrow, and maybe, just maybe, we'll find some equipment to more than make up for those lost bracers!
"Stay tuned! The next update has magic dongs in it!" "Gongs, Jostiband. Magic gongs. Why isn't there a Cure Deafness spell?"