Part 8: Journal of a teenaged Shinkicker
8. Journal of a teenaged Shinkicker.
1st May, 1212.
Dear Diary, today Papa made me go to Church for me Teeology classes.
I hated learning about mysticism and dietings and stuff. I thought it was useless, but Papa said that I'd need to know it all in case I end up in a knife fight with God.
I also went back to Mr. Carl's log-kicking school. I got sent home early after I kicked mine into another student. He stopped yelling after awhile. He also stopped breathing.
Papa also bought another useless bit of junk that the pig-man keeps trying to sell us.
Before I knew it it was June!
Papa sent me over to meet Mr. Toscal.
Everyone said it was strange that a 12 year old girl was working on a house, but then not many girls have drinks with Mr. Lucifer either.
I saw Mr.Ko today too. I dont know why he wears a dead raccoon on his head.
I caughts a bunnie too! It was so cute! Mr. Ko said I couldn't keep it though, then cut all its skin off.
And a bat-man snuck up on me! I guess I should have been more prepared.
But it was okay. He was actually a nice person.
We had a tea party!
The tea party was kind of tiring, so I took a nap in the middle of the forest after exploding all the trees so I could put up my tent. Hehe!
I didnt get any sleep because of some dancing fairies! (they were all naked too)
I was sooo tired, but at least they showed me some fancy steps!
Papa says I'm a sensitive child and called me a 'sickopathic Doctor Dolittle'.
There were more fairies in the forest having another tea party! They taught me how to prepare and cook the flesh of my enemies, yay!
I also went back to the big tree and saw a strange man there.
I think there was something wrong with his head. He could not hold it up straight and was falling over all the time. He asked me to lend him some help...
I did not know he meant it this way.
It was okay though, because I get to burn more things now.
And there was a man with doggie ears! He wasnt very nice, even though he gave me a lot of candy. So I hit him until he stopped moving, then I burned him.
He was very poor. Cube says I shouldnt hate poor people, but I think he will think it is okay here.
Then just when I got home, this blue man tried to do the same thing! Cube says I shouldnt judge people by the colour of their skin neither.
Cube said a guy from the Palace was
He looks like he hates his work and his life.
But he gave me money so he must be nice! I told him so, but he started crying instead!
Dear Diary, July was soooo boring!
I dont know why Cube sent me to this lady's house.
I fed them sugar for a little bit, but then they wouldnt stop screaming. After a while, I couldn't stop screaming either.
Sister Lee was there to pick me up so I could help clean up the church a bit. I caught her drinking some of the sacremental wine, so she gave me 12g not to tell anyone. Yay!
Later I learned that due to God's size, I can reach none of His major organs, but a blow to the kneecaps can bring Him down long enough to allow me to aim for His face.
Ms. Valkria came by today! She's so awesome! She stuck a needle in my arm and I felt strong enough to punch through a mountain.
Dear Diary, it's August already, can you believe it!?
I kicked more stuff until it exploded!
Papa took me to the beach, but accidentally locked us in the room the whole time we were there! We survived by eating the bedsheets until the recepshunist came and threw us out.
Then it was September!
Papa insisted I take more fighting classes before the Harvest Festival. I dont know why he makes me learn how to hit stuff when I can just imagine people burning alive and it happens.
Dear Diary, Papa said he'd go out to the lakes today, but when I was admiring the waterfall, he snuck up behind me and pushed me over.
A snake lady helped me out. They're all so polite now after I set so many of them on fire.
These fairies are everywhere! They were nice and gave me lots of stuff!
The fish-guys were there too! I had to smack them a little until they would give me free things.
There was also a not very nice lady. She must have thought I was a boy because she kept trying to kiss me.
I told her to stop, but she wouldnt! Now she's all cold and not moving.
I took this but I think she wouldnt mind when she wakes up and finds it gone.
Mr. Hates His Life came again and gave me more moneys!
And even richer after selling all my treasure!
My gosh! It's October already! That means it's time for the Tournament!
Cube an' I went to see who I was going to fight! It was Chan Kuron! I love his plays, even though I can see the wires when he's flying around.
Heheheee, it tickled!
He needed help leaving because he said his legs didnt work anymore.
Salam's a funny name, but there are all sorts of people in this contest.
I think I caught him too early. He didnt even have time to dry out his hair!
Then it got all dirty again when he lied down on the ground.
Next was my old school teacher, Leftor!
He was being a little mean, but I know he didnt mean it.
But he actually did mean it! So I had to set him on fire.
Dear Diary, I cant believe I'm here at the Final Round!
Halbar was this big guy with an axe!
He was slow and couldnt hit me with that heavy axe. He was really strong though, and I had to set him on fire again and again until I was really really tired. I just wanted to go to sleep, but his screaming kept waking me up.
I won! I won! Papa look!
They gave me a biiiig sword, a huge bag of gold and they even let me keep all the gold I took from the people I fought!
Cube, could you see who that is? I'm writing in my diary right now...
Very well, Mistress.
Oh wonderful, there was something I wanted.
I'm not taking those.
Oh, I'm afraid you are sadly mistaken if you thought these were for you.
Dear Diary. I hate my life.
Well, some of her skills are truly off the scales now. Cooking has truly been broken as I continue to exploit the fairies for stress reduction. The time at the church has helped keep her Sin level for now, but it's still pretty high. And we've got a ton of gold from the tournament! Yay!
Next update will be November 1212 through to April 1213!