Part 79: Holiday Update: Let's Read: Planet X - Part 4

Yup. Here's hoping I have some time to do some filming, as it's the week before Christmas and work is going to be crazy-busy this week.

STAR TREK The Next Generation / X-MEN: PLANET X - part 4

Last Time: The transformed brought the house down, and nearly killed Administrator Getskilled. Worf and Wolverine killed some holograms. Geordi vomited some plot points all over my rug.



Chapter 10

Yup, still with Dongs on NotEarth. It's mentioned earlier that there are more of them than he'd bothered to count. It now turns out that there are 37 of them, not counting the crazy guy who thinks he's a charmander.

Dongs then thinks about how amazing Rahatan is, that the rest of the transformed were such reasonable people cowards that they would've given the government time to figure out what was going on instead of breaking out of the prison as an unruly mob which, let's face it, an average city's police force should be able to deal with in a matter of hours.

Everyone starts chanting Rahatan's name. I'm sure it's fine, he's not going to let his power go to his head or anything. Someone then asks where they're going to go.


One of the transforms protests that that idea is both stupid and crazy since there are 37 transformed and even a small city would have 40,000-50,000 people. The transformed who's objecting is a maker of illusions, and she advocates splitting up and trying to blend back into society. Her plan is reasonable and wouldn't result in getting anyone caught or killed, so Rahatan is against it. She leaves anyway, and two other transformed join her.

So Rahatan, being a reasonable person, buries her alive in solid rock.


… while kicking a puppy and burning earthquaking down an orphanage.




Chapter over SCENE CHANGE, because this isn't a cliffhanger so the chapter can't end yet.

We then join Mary Sue #2, Lt. Sovar, Dongs' older brother who is in Starfleet, as he's visiting his friend Lt. Robinson, another bit character he may or may not have a crush on. In her quarters. Which he's visited enough times to be able to spot when she's added something new to the décor.

We then learn that Lt. Sovar's first name is Relda (gay), and that he's an expert on 20th century human artists. Even though he's from NotEarth, and not Earth. Lt. Robinson finishes getting herself dressed, and is apparently friendly enough with Lt. Sovar to refer to him by his first name (and be able to spot when he's feeling depressed). In another spooge of foreshadowing so heavy and blunt it could crush a cinderblock, Relda (gay) tells us he's homesick.

We then learn that Lt. Sovar got a message from home about his brother, Dongs (this is where we first learn the two are brothers), and that he didn't get a message from Dongs directly. This means that Dongs is still angry because Relda (gay) is the first Xhaldian in Starfleet, apparently, and Dongs does not approve.

Lt. Sovar then says it was Worf's arrival and immediate acceptance by Picard and the crew that depressed him, because they treat Worf like family and poor Relda Sovar feels like he doesn't have any family left to connect with.


Ooh,

She is, of course, joking; but it's funnier out of context.

They then leave to go to the Enterprise E's lounge for drinks, but bump into Worf and Wolverine returning from murdering a bunch of holograms together and joking like best friends. Their dialogue is especially painful.




Anyway, this depresses Lt. Sovar even more, and he comments on it as he and Robinson head for the lounge. We then… end the chapter before we get there, because this sorta counts as a cliffhanger.



Chapter 11

We then rejoin Rahatan and Dongs on NotEarth, and there's still no sign that the NotHumans have called Starfleet for help (because they haven't). Rahatan has decided that 'living like a bunch of homeless bums' in the city of Verdeen is close enough to his goal of conquering it. For the time being, at least.

Rahatan then conscripts Erid and Leyden (the super-strong guy who looks vaguely like a bug) to go scare drifters out of a block of condemned buildings the city has been planning to tear down for the past seven years but hasn't actually gotten around to. The buildings have no power, but they do have water. Dongs and Leyden do all the heavy lifting here, while the other transformed settle in behind them; then take the last building for themselves.

Dongs then settles in to his rooms, but before he can get comfortable he receives a visit from Corba. She says she's lonely and doesn't feel right staying in a huge set of rooms by herself; so he invites her to stay in his guest bedroom.


… because no transformed is warmer than a giant purple dick monster who spooges rays of sunshine at people.

The scene mercifully ends, and we cut back to Dr. Crusher; who is studying Archangel's scans and not liking them one bit. His blood is full of nanoprobes. She comments on this, but Archangel explains that Apocalypse cut his wings off once and grafted a set of living-metal wings on in their place. The living metal wings were a shell to gradually regrow Archangel's natural wings again which… goddamn comic book logic, really?!

Even Archangel comments that the whole thing is kinda stupid and makes no sense. Just like this scene, which ends as Wolverine enters for his scans.

We then cut to Geordi, who is going over his findings. He hasn't discovered anything useful, but he does confirm that Verteron particles were probably involved with bringing the X-Men here, which makes the whole mess Nightcrawler's fault. He then asks some pointless questions about why the X-Men turned up on Starbase 88, of all places. If any of you have guessed that Picard's old timehook was in the cargo bay where the X-Men first arrived, give yourself a cookie.

… But we don't learn that yet, instead Geordi leaves us with a bunch of as-yet unanswered questions that kinda qualify as enough cliffhanger to end a chapter on, and the chapter ends.



Chapter 12

Hey, look, it's Dongs again. It's (heavily) implied that he slept with Corba, since she's still in his arms and he's just been woken up by Paldul, the telepath. Rahatan has stolen food for everyone, but says Dongs has to help 'forage' from now on because clearly sending the most easily identified (and one of his most powerful) transformed out where he'll be more easily spotted and caught is a brilliant tactical ploy on behalf of our illustrious leader Rahatan.

Paldul then wakes up Corba with telepathy, and after the conversation she asks if she can stay with Dongs on a more permanent basis. D'aww.

We then immediately jump to Commander Data, who notes that someone is singing and that someone is Banshee. His first song is completely free of his Irish brogue, which shows he does it just to annoy the hell out of us.

Lt. Sovar and Robinson, Counselor Troi, and Guinan (who is here for some reason) all clamor for an encore, but Banshee is out of songs. He asks Data if Data happens to know any. Data does, and we're treated to another textual rendition of a song. Specifically, this song. Believe me, it's far less compelling on paper. Especially since it's supposed to be sung by a woman, apparently. Banshee joins in for the last part of the song, and the whole purpose of the scene is to show how amazing Data is.

In case you'd forgotten.

Banshee then asks where Data learned the song, he relates the story of Omicron Theta and the Crystalline Entity and totally buzzkills the entire room. To drive the nail in the coffin of everyone else's fun, he then escorts Banshee out so Dr. Crusher can test him. I guess they won't be able to use 'unmapped voicebox' to describe Banshee after this, since I'm sure the Enterprise's sensors will manage.

Because we haven't had enough pointless text-dumping yet, Data then asks Banshee why he's called Banshee. Banshee says Data will learn if he ever gets to hear Banshee sing in battle, and Data decides to go ask Commander Riker instead.

We then cut to Troi, who is mildly irritated that Data killed the fun. Archangel then shows up, buzzing everyone in the bar because he's a dick, and invites Troi to invite him to come sit with her. No, that wasn't a typo.

Archangel asks Troi if she's a rich girl, which she confirms. This scene also goes nowhere, but it establishes that Troi thinks Archangel is a good and honorable man, even if he is a bigger dick than our friend Dongs.



Next Time: The Xhaldians finally call for help, and we are introduced the villains of the book. I hope you're ready for them, guys, because they're even dumber than the one we already have.