Part 134

Music: play track 2

The light from the window wakes me up.
"---I didn't have any dreams."
It really was just a sleep without dreams, good or bad.
Thanks to that, I don't feel bad at all.
Today's Saturday, so I should probably thank Hisui and Kohaku-san for taking care of me.

It's only just past six.
All I did was lie down yesterday, so I don't feel tired anymore.
"---Time to get up!"
I get up from bed.

"-----Eh?"
My body doesn't move at all.
...... I haven't healed at all.
If anything, it's worse. Yesterday, I could move my arms, but today I can't even do that.

"----Kk----"
I try to bring my arm straight up.
......
.........
............
"----Ha...... ah."
I finally manage to do so.
Using all of my strength, it takes me about a full minute.

"Hey, Hisui---Kohaku-san---"

I was going to tell them to come here, but I stop.
I can speak, but using a loud voice makes me extremely dizzy.
...... It almost feels like a loud voice uses too much muscle, placing too much strain on the blood flow to the brain.

Better hope Hisui doesn't do anything overly cute.

"Ha-----"
I breathe out.
I guess all I can do is just wait for Hisui to come wake me up.

Music: stop

Music: play track 3

---After that, it's pretty much like yesterday morning.

Since I was already in bed, it went by just a bit faster than yesterday.
After coming to wake me up, a pale-faced Hisui called for Kohaku-san, who did a little check up.
Hearing this, Akiha once again ran into my room, called the same doctor as yesterday, who did the same examination, and I end up resting in bed.

...... Since sleeping in bed all day makes me pretty sick, I am now leaning my upper body on the headboard.

"...... I am very sorry, Shiki-sama."
"I told you it's alright...... Geez, you really are worrisome. Well, I guess you two really are sisters. You're a lot like Kohaku-san in that way."

"Eh----I'm like Nee-san?"
Hisui asks, very surprised.
...... Well, I wasn't referring to appearance, as that's pretty obvious.

"Say, anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like your sister?"

"Yeah, it's a pretty old story. Did you know that Kohaku-san has acted like an older sister since we were small?
Whenever Akiha or I would get hurt, Kohaku-san would get so worried. ...... No, it's fine if it was only when we were hurt, but even when we were not feeling well, she would be very fussy, telling us to go to sleep, go to sleep."

"Eh...... She was really, that fussy?"

"Come to think of it, this time around, I think Kohaku-san wasn't worried as much as I thought, but maybe she wanted to act as a nurse or something. She really did seem to enjoy it."

"........................,"
"Ah, but I don't mean I didn't like what Kohaku-san did. I liked what she would do, and playing with Akiha was also fun.
...... That's right. Come to think of it, I had a pretty happy time as a kid."

"---Yes. I am sure Nee-san feels the same way."

"Your sister ...oh, and your sister .... oh and also, there was that time when your sister "

"---Sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with this kind of talk."

"Please do not worry about it. I enjoy it."
"Eh, really......? In that case......"
Certainly Hisui doesn't look bored at all.

"Yes. As long as it does not bother you, please continue on. The doctor said that any sort of activity is preferable."

...... I see. They say to move my body, but it's really just my mouth I can move right now.
"Geez. I don't really have much to talk about, although I do have a lot of memories of my childhood."

"I do not mind. Please, tell me about your childhood, Shiki-sama."
"...... Really? But I think it'll just be boring, are you sure?"

"Shiki-sama? Is there something wrong?"

He's just starting to get dizzy.

"Ah---no, it's nothing. Well, let's continue talking about the past then."
Hisui nods.
As I continue to remember more and more about the past, I continue my boring, inane monologue.

At lunchtime, Kohaku-san comes in and trades places with Hisui.
Kohaku-san brings a wash pail and several towels.
"............"
I get a really bad feeling about this.

"Shiki-san, we have to wash your body, so please endure this."
"----"

I knew it.

"......... Um"
Even though it is something I'd hate to do, I can't exactly say no.
It's obvious that since I can't move my body, someone has to clean it for me.
I've been laying around since yesterday, and to be honest, I do feel sticky and pretty gross.

Shiki sure didn't put up much of a fight for THAT, now did he? <>

...... And it's over.
It was deadly embarrassing, but I can't fight Kohaku-san.
After all, Kohaku-san helps me get to the bathroom when I have to go.
After receiving so much care from Kohaku-san, I think being embarrassed is rude to her.

"All finished. Thank you for your cooperation."
After changing me into a new set of pajamas, she replaces my sheets.

"But Shiki-san, you really have no strength at all, do you? I was surprised when you didn't even flinch when I was washing you."
"...... You're right. I wonder what's wrong with my body?"

Normally, when someone is taking care of you, if they move your arms and legs, there is some sort of muscular reaction in the body.
Since the reaction is there, the one doing the caring usually takes a lot of work, but I don't even have that reaction right now.
It's like I'm a boneless jellyfish.

"My armsies no move no more, my boneses not work good."

"Jellyfish...... I might be quite right."
I meant it to be a joke, but I don't feel like laughing.
...... How do I put it, it's almost as if I'm not quite alive.
The fact that I can't move my body.
I didn't think that not having any feeling in my body would be this scary.
It's like I'm almost in a dream, just a vague existence.

"Shiki-san, please don't make that uneasy face. Whatever the reason, I'm sure you will be able to return to normal soon."
"...... I'm sure. But I wonder what the reason is."

...... If there is a reason, it would be this scar from eight years ago.
The doctor said that it was simply a miracle to be alive.
Perhaps this is the price of my miraculous recovery.

---If that is the case, then I, Tohno Shiki,
may never be able to even stand on my own for the rest of my life.

"As long as you understand. You understand things pretty well, and you always seem to accept your circumstances.
So I think it is okay if you complain every once in a while."
...... Kohaku-san seriously offers some advice.
Suddenly, I remember what I was telling Hisui earlier.

"...... Geez. Kohaku-san, you still do like to nurse people, don't you?"

"Huh? What do you mean by that?"
"Remember way back, when I caught a cold and wanted to play anyway? It's just like back then."

"Hmm, I guess something like that happened. You never said anything about how you felt, Shiki-san."
"But you found out quickly. Afterwards, you made me go back to the detached building, and I never forgave you for that."
...... Not really; I was actually extremely grateful, but I thought I'd tease Kohaku-san a little bit.

"---------"
And then...
Kohaku-san tries earnestly to remember, and she freezes in place.

"...... Huh. What's this, did you forget?"

"I guess so. I'm sorry, my memory is not all that great."
"No, it's hard to remember stuff from eight years ago, so it's no big deal."

"You're right. I remember most of the things, but it's something from eight years ago, so maybe I might be forgetting something important too."

...... I completely agree.
Before I went to that garden in the forest, I had forgotten entirely the image of the accident eight years ago.

Shiki forgets a lot of things

"Well then, I'll bring you some food, so please rest until then."

Music: stop

"...... Well, my body can't move, so I can't say my health is good or bad."
Leaning back against the headboard, I stare aimlessly.
It's been ten days since I came back to the mansion.
At first, I felt out of place, but now I feel very comfortable in this room. You can't underestimate the adaptability of the human mind, I suppose.

---And.

---My headache.

Music: play track 6

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----

"----, Who is it!?"
I move my head.
There's no one in the room except me.

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----

I can hear someone breathing.
Something that sounds like a wild dog's salivated breathing reaches my ears.

"----Wh--"
I manage to turn my head.
But there is no one behind me.
I can't even sense anyone.
Is it some sort of auditory hallucination?
No.
It is a hallucination, but it is real.

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----

It isn't echoing through my room.
It's echoing inside of my head.
In that case,
this breathing, is without a doubt,
coming from inside my brain.

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----

Triangle cogwheels and / Diamond cogwheels
Noise / Echo
Panorama / Strings
There shouldn't be any point of connection between us
Even in an illusion, knowing should be rejected.

Strange
Strange
What are you
What are you
I am
I am!

"Ah-----"
The torrent breaks through.
Spinning. Spinning. Spinning spinning the world is spinning.
Sun and moon. Female and lion. Angel and pollution. Colliding uphill paths. Broken hourglass. Upwards falling sand. Shattered window and a door without a handle. Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. Darkness.

I don't even know what to say. 'This chair' was easy to make fun of, this is just creepy

Haha ahahaha.

"What, is this----"

Cessation is disregard. The bleeding earth. Trade your blood for poison and you will attain immortality. Rose. Rose. Rose. Rose. Your splendor will not last forever. The way to reach Lohan's temple, eat this bread. Spreading defilement. The April that's farther than May, the reversal of limbs, awaken in the shrine of balance beyond the dual serpent and scorpion. The skin of rotten fruit. Burned puppet of celluloid. The cannabis of Legion. Grinding and friction. Sun and Moon. Colliding uphill paths. Female and lions. Broken hourglass. Spiraling clouds. I am unparalleled. Upwards falling sand. Eight years ago. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. You. Killed!

Ha hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Music: stop

"---What the hell----was that just now----"
I don't know.
Just random words filled my mind, and I couldn't think about anything.
Anything at all---not being able to think, and all those words repeating machine-like in my head.

"............ Ah."
I notice that tears are streaming from my eyes.
Mucus and drool are streaming down my face as well.

"Ag----!"
My head hurts.
It's not a normal headache I get from my anemia.
My brain feels like it's about to explode.
It's because even though I have a limit to my memory, much more than I can handle has flowed into my brain.

"............"
Once more.
Once more, if that inexplicable headache returns. At this rate---my mind will surely break before my body does.

"Wh----"

Pointless all of it.

"St---op."

As long as you keep your eyes open,

I will become one with you.

"-----Ch!"

I desperately close my eyes, as if imploring for help.

"............... Ha............... ah."
It's subsided.
The flow of information and the voice inside my head ceases.
"...... Thank...... goodness."
I breathe a sigh of relief.
But on the other hand, I feel a chill go down my spine.

"...... If I open my eyes...... that will happen again?"
I don't know.
Maybe that was instantaneous.
But I'm too terrified to open my eyes.
A disgusting sensation.
It feels like a caterpillar is crawling within my brain.

"-----"
...... I become sleepy.
But if I sleep, I might see those nightmares again.
"----I don't care. That dream is much better then what happened now."
I relax my consciousness.
With my eyes still closed, I fall asleep.

*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----
The animalistic breathing.
*pant*----*pant*----*pant*----!

The figure bites into the doll.
The feeling of teeth breaking the skin.
The fat of the abdomen is not exactly what you can call grade-A meat.
The hot blood sticking to the throat.

---I feel a chill.
All these sensations are completely transmitted to me.

"Y, y y y y you again, Shiki!"
It screams.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it-----!"
It acts as a child throwing a tantrum.
Breaking all the desks, and pulling off pieces of concrete from the floor.

"I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you...... !"

Saying so.
It thrusts a knife in its own hand.

------Gi----!?

The pain of the knife is transmitted to my own hand.

"These fingers, this skin, even these eyes!"
He pushes in his eyes.

I think the Hisui path just transcended all of the rest combined by the sheer power of WHAT THE FUCK!?

---I start to go crazy.

A dream. If this is a dream, please, wake up!
It hurts. I'd rather. Die.
This pain is enough to kill me from shock, but I am not dying.

Music: play track 6

"A----hh!"
But my body still can't move.
Even though I feel like there is a hole ripped in my palm, I still can't move my body.
"Ah-------ah."
At least if I could move---I could thrash around and maybe reduce some of the agony, but I can't even do that.

"Damn----it."
What is, this?

"Why---do these things..."
Earlier, I thought my mind would break before my body would.

"Why, do these, things happen, to me...... !"
But if I sleep, my body may very well break before my mind.

Music: stop

"Hi---sui......?"
"Shiki-sama, was that your voice just now---!?"

Hisui walks to the bed with an urgent expression.
"Wha----Shiki-sama, what, in the world----"
Hisui's voice is shaking.
...... I look down.
My sheets are soaked in blood.

Music: play track 1

---It looks like the blood came from my hand and my thigh.
I say 'looks like' because I just think so.
Because there's no wounds on my body, so what's wrong is the fact that the blood's there...

"Hisui-chan, I will prepare an IV, so please watch over Shiki-san."

"Wait, Nee-san, Shiki-sama is----"

"Hisui-chan. Don't you think it's best to listen to what your older sister has to say once in a while?"

"Ah----"

"Now, Shiki-san, you are going to have a blood transfusion soon, so please relax until then."

After taking care of me, Kohaku-san leaves the room.

"It's just a little out-of-place blood. I'm fine! It happens all the time... really."

---Saying this roughly, I hate myself.
I'm sorry for Hisui, but I can't calm down.
There---must be something wrong with me.
If I sleep, I dream of the killer and hurt myself.
I know that's the cause of the bleeding.
I know, but I can't tell Hisui or Kohaku-san that.

They wouldn't believe me, and worse, they would think I have simply gone crazy.
I'll admit my body is weird.
But Hisui, Kohaku-san and Akiha, I just don't want them to think I am crazy.
I do not want to say that.

"But Shiki-sama, your body is not working properly. You appear to have a fever, and your breathing is wild, I do not---"

"Oh, don't mind that... I was just thinking about your sister again."

wish to see you like this. Hisui swallows the rest of her sentence.
"...... I'm fine; go away. Thanks for worrying about me, but I just want to be alone for now."



"...... Then, is there something you want? If you are thirsty, please tell me, and I can bring you something."

Music: stop

"Something---I want?"
Something I want?

"Now that you mention it, your sister is kinda hot..."

I don't really want anything right now.

"Ah----"

"...... Shiki-sama?"
Something I, want.
Of course there's something I want.

That is...

Hisui's body I saw in my dream.

"Say... now that I think of it, you're her sister, so you'll do after all. Or both of you. Would you do both?"

"No, no, no, no! I love Arihiko, dammit! I will not cheat on him, especially not with a woman!"

"...... Don't come near me...... If you do, I don't know what, I will do."

"But, Shiki-sama---"
"I told you not to come near me......! I'm not crazy......!"

Nobody... said you were.... crazy...

I scream, refusing Hisui's help.
But if I don't do so, I will violate Hisui for sure.
Like that time in my dream.
Being controlled by my pulse through my veins.

"---Just leave. Hisui, you don't understand, anything about my body."

"...... Yes. As you wish, Shiki-sama."

Hisui leaves.
As she leaves, I stare at her with hazy vision.

Music: play track 6

---My excited body thinks about the same thing, no matter who I saw.

When Kohaku-san came to give me transfusion, I had the urge to sink my teeth into her white throat.
I----I can't retain my sanity unless I'm alone.
So I made Hisui and Kohaku-san, even Akiha go out of my room.

---The result doesn't change.
If I am alone, all I can do is break.

But then, if I sleep, I will dream about him.
Every time he inflicts pain on his body, I also feel the physical pain.

"----Agh."
That pain causes me to wake up.
But as soon as I do so, the splitting pain in my head returns.
So I close my eyes---and I fall asleep again.

..................... And I repeat this process.
I go into a light sleep, and wake up from the pain of getting my brain stabbed through.

Breathing is painful.
I gasp for air.
My limbs won't move, but they shake from the pain.

I have no sense of time.
An hour feels like infinity.
Truthfully, I...
I don't even think that I will be able to maintain my sanity until the morning.

Music: stop

Music: play track 8

---The door opens with a creak.

The sound of approaching footsteps.
...... I am half asleep, and I can't tell exactly who it is.

NO! No, no, no! Not this again!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Throb.
Throb.
Throb.

Matching the sound of my IV, Akiha's body temperature flows into me.

---Warm.

It feels like my rotten wall of my consciousness got rebuilt by just that.

Music: stop

Oh... phew, no sex this time. That was awfully close.

Coming in all likelihood tomorrow: Part 5 of 6