Introduction

Alternate cover:

What the hell is Vandal Hearts II?
Vandal Hearts II is the sequel to Vandal Hearts, an underrated tactical RPG released before Final Fantasy Tactics and one I honestly prefer to that game just because of the unnecessary gore and dark storyline. Vandal Hearts II, coming out a year or so after FFT, suffers from trying to mimic that game even more.
The reason why the title of this LP thread is about mediocrity, instead of blood, is because this game was dumbed down in myriad ways. There is no blood anymore, just a bunch of T-rated destruction. The storyline isn't even half as dark, albeit a bit more complex. The gameplay has been radically changed, and the artwork isn't even much better. Why am I playing this, then? Because SOME crazy people believe this game is better than the first (they're wrong), and because I should finish what I started.
Do you have to have played Vandal Hearts to understand this game, or have read my previous LP of it? No. Aside from a character or two and a few references, this game is entirely stand-alone.
How does Vandal Hearts II play?
Vandal Hearts II uses an obnoxious, ridiculous gameplay system called the Dual Turn system. What this does is that it attempts to blend the Active Time Battle of mainstream Final Fantasy games with a tactical setting. Instead of stuff like clockticks that FFT popularized, in VH2 enemy units will move simultaneously with your own. This causes a lot of frustration because you are very, very prone to miss attacks entirely because your character swipes at fucking thin air.
There is a bit of a way to predict how enemy units move, though: They tend to, like most tactical games, attack you from the side or behind when possible. You can then intercept a foe as he's moving to blindside you by instead blindsiding him. This doesn't always work, since an enemy could go behind a character while you go to their side, and you'll still miss.
Let me be frustrated, take it out on LP updates, and let you watch as I hate this game to death.
Here's some fanart to make you cringe:

There's something special I'll be doing with this LP that you can read on the post directly below this one. It may be more entertaining than the LP itself. As far as how I'll play this game, that's entirely up to you. The game has multiple endings, many of which rest solely upon three key decisions two of your main characters make. YOU will be deciding what decisions we make, because they change the ending.
In Vandal Hearts II you have unlimited freedom to swap classes out on basically every character. The way jobs are handled in this game is by what equipment you wear. You can swap between Warriors and Healers on the fly -- your weapons and armor determine your HP, MP, move rate, defense, strength, and skills. Weapons and equipment have different skills you have to learn through using them and acquiring SP, similar to the AP system in FFIX and FFTA. Since there's basically unlimited customization, and no defined classes, I'll be doing this on my own.
Table of Contents
- Chapter 1: Let the Averageness Begin
- Chapter 2: The Adventures of Ash! the Idiot
- Chapter 3: Ash! the Idiot Learns How Swing Axe Good
- Chapter 4: Smooth Moves
- Chapter 5: I don't need your loose change!
- Chapter 6: Ash! the Idiot Learns About Free Will
- Chapter 7: A Tribe Called Quest worked on this update
- Chapter 8: The Actual Plot Begins
- Chapter 9: Miscommunication
- Chapter 10: And Now For Something Completely Different
- Chapter 11: Raper Bandits
- Chapter 12: Ash! the Asshole Adult
- Chapter 13: NO ME GUSTA THIS GAME
- Chapter 14: Fat is the new Gorgeous
- Chapter 15: In the Name of St. Nirvath
- Chapter 16: Enchirito... NACHO, BURRITO!
- Chapter 17: Prison Break... In
- Chapter 18: Much Ado About Nothing
- Chapter 19: Dude Looks Like a Lady
- Chapter 20: Ash! Is Pussywhipped By Pratau
- Chapter 21: Adele's Rolling in the Deep
- Chapter 22: Fuck Dybosa Ridge
- Chapter 23: More Ideas From The First Game
- Chapter 24: Adults-Only Pub
- Chapter 25: Ash! The Homosexual Deals with Drama
- Chapter 26: Am I Supposed To Care?
- Chapter 27: A Difficult Decision
- Chapter 28: We Play The Good Guy
- Chapter 29: Sea Troubles
- Chapter 30: I Wasted Seven Seasons of My Life on Weeds, and Got a BIG FUCK YOU FOR IT
- Chapter 31: The Last Party Member
- Chapter 32: The Puppet Is Stolen Again
- Chapter 33: A Marriage of Invalids
- Chapter 34: A United Natra
- Chapter 35: A Character From the Previous Game
- Chapter 36: Old Friends, Tough Decisions
- Chapter 37: Burnt to a Crisp
- Chapter 38: Agatha Witnessed Infidelity
- Chapter 39: The True Identity of Godard, the Diviner
- Chapter 40: The Final Decision
- Chapter 41: Every Douche Gets A Happy Ending
- Chapter 42: II Straeh Landav
- Vandal Hearts II Goonart Contest
- THE CONTEST TO ASCEND WITH THE METATRON