Xenogears Part #2 - Episode II: Fei Fong Wong and Clichés Onslaught of Lahan Village

Part 2: Episode II: Fei Fong Wong and Clichés Onslaught of Lahan Village

Episode II: Fei Fong Wong and Clichés Onslaught of Lahan Village

Hey, I’d like to talk but...holy SHIT is there a lot of exposition coming this way!! Keep your heads down!

Music: Bonds of Sea and Fire

Goddamn, son! So, you don’t have to worry too much about that monster chunk of text. It will be revisited in a much more easily digestible fashion during the course of the game.

TLDR Version: Two countries, ~~The Union~~ Aveh and the Kislev Empire having been fighting for a really long ass time for control of the continent. Then some archeologist jerks called Ethos started digging up sweet ass ancient weapons from underground. Chief among them, mecha suits called “Gears”. Not Xenogears, mind you. That’s a different thing. Aveh started getting its ass kicked because they were only digging up like Zaku IIs and other crappy mechas on their side of the fence, while Kislev was digging up fucking Voltron and shit.

And then after a while some other jerks called Gebler tagged in for Aveh’s team with some sweet, tricked out Gears. So both sides are now pretty much back to being even. And now Aveh thinks it is hot shit and is invading Kislev’s border territories. So it kind of sucks to be living on the border of either of those two countries at the moment.

Hell that still came out pretty long... Oh well...

So, guess where the story proper opens up.

I suppose the writers felt that was just way the hell too much of an opening info-dump, so let’s just jump straight to the hero’s home town being razed to the ground and giant robots, eh?

Music: Steel Giant

Amidst the burning chaos of Lahan Village, we come upon our hero, Fei, practicing his Mecha Kung Fu in the town square. Yeah, you can totally do kung fu in a Gear. They have guns and such too. But, who needs a gun when you can do a cybernetic sucker punch to defeat your foes?”

And Fei does just that immediately upon entering battle.

Hmm... I was unaware mecha suits could be, as quoted by the lord, be ‘knockethed the fuck out”.

Oh... Nevermind, I guess they can’t...

“No matter how often I knock you down you still get up!"

One of the villagers runs up to Fei’s Gear...

”You are RUINING the real estate value of this neighborhood! This is a terrible economy to be robot battling in!’

Fei ignores this Citan jerk’s protests. After all, would you listen to a guy wearing a bright green sweater if you were in a giant robot? I think not.

Fei performs a Shoryuken on the enemy Gear before contemplating why his home village had to be destroyed by mecha kung fu treachery...

Why...? Why indeed...

Eh...? The hell...? Is this emulator shitting itself again? I thought I’d worked out all the kinks to get it running smoothly. I don’t even know what the he—

Music: My Village is Number One

Oh... It was a painting. Apparently, that was all just an imagined sequence by an artist who wishes to burn down his village. Or maybe it was a weird cross-fade from a flash-forward and they’ve really been off the Island for over a year! No... No wait. I’m mixing up my overly convoluted plots again...

*stretch* "Alright... Now for a short break."

So, meet our hero for this sprawling tale of god and mind: Fei Fong Wong. Yes...they’re really going with that name for the protagonist... We’ll be seeing a lot of Fei here, so get used to his goofy ass. As that little opening segment might suggest, Fei is an artist. We can take a look around his room to observe some of his other artistic achievements.

We’ve already seen his newest creation: “Threnody to The Victims of Lahan”.

There is also the lovely piece, “The Rape of a Hometown”...

...”Blissful Ignorance to the Coming Slaughter”...

...and “Morning Sunrise Over the Horizon”. What... They’re not all about the destruction of his hometown... That would be creepy. Anyway, if we wander across the hall from Fei’s room, we can chat up the maid for a bit of awkward exposition on Fei’s past. So let’s go do that.

“My, how time flies! Why, it has already been 3 years since you came to our village...”

”Yup. But, it feels like I’ve lived in this town all my life. Anyway, I got a few errands to go run. So take it ea—“

“When they first saw you brought in all bloody and soaken, to tell you the truth, they didn't think you were going to make it.”

<I don’t even think ‘soaken’ is a real word...>
“Listen, ma’am. I really have to ge—“

“And that strange masked man who carried you here that day...Do you think that maybe he was your real father? Don't you remember anything? Why, they say you had terrible nightmares and constantly called out for your father."

<I’m not getting out of this conversation without a flashback, am I...?>

Three years ago...

A cloaked man enters Lahan in the middle of a raging storm with an unconscious Fei in his arms. Fei has apparently not grown an inch or changed his clothes since he was fifteen...

The masked man just sort of stands outside one of the homes in the village like a creep until its occupants finally notices and comes to investigate. I’d like to imagine he did that with every house in Lahan until someone finally opened their door.

”One blink for ‘yes’, two blinks for ‘no’. I can’t rightly say I’m able to decipher masked glaring eyes’ intent...”

Back to the present...

“And it's all thanks to our village chief, Lee. My, should you be grateful!"

”Don’t worry. I am.”
“Why, back in my day...if someone did that for me I’d have. Say, have I ever told you the story about how I go—“
“Oh, boy. Sorry, ma’am. Look at the time. I’m late for an appointment. Bye!”

Welp, enough of that nonsense. Let’s head upstairs to check out the rest of the house.

No, we’re not on the second floor. Our hero is just a basement dwelling tortured artist. Anyhow, there’s a few jerks wandering around to chat with, but only two are worth our attention at the moment. First up: our best bud, Timothy.

“But, we have to talk about the big day tomorrow with the village chief."

"Yeah tomorrow, huh... Your wedding with Alice! Now that is a big day!"

"Yeah... right... But it still hasn't hit me as reality though."

Fei decides to take a cue from the maid and blurt out some general exposition of his own. Don’t worry, Fei doesn’t do that too often. For reasons that will become apparent quite quickly AMNESIA!

“3 years ago, I woke up in this village without a trace of my memory... I didn't know who I was, where I had been, or what I had been doing up until that day... I couldn't recall a single thing... Despite that, you and Alice sympathized with me and encouraged me to go on. If the two of you hadn't been there for me, I don't know what would have become of me... Timothy...From the bottom of my heart, I thank you! Now, you and Alice had better live happily ever after!"

"Hah! Quit it will ya! You don't have to go and get all mushy on me...”

”...”
“Yeesh... I don’t know what came over me... That was embarrassing...”
“Yeah...it was a little... Save that sort of crap for your speech at the wedding, eh?”
<Aw hell... I have to make a speech now?!>

“Anyway, to me it feels like I've always been friends with you ever since we were kids. And we will go on being friends forever, right?"

“Of course!”

”We’d never stop being bros, unless something crazy happened like the town was burned to the ground by a giant Gear fight or the like... Heh, and what are the odds of that happening?”
“Man, Fei... You’ve got a weird ass sense of humor... Oh, right...”

Timothy asks us to go stop buy his fiancée's house to make sure she’s not getting cold feet or banging the best man or the like. This is our new objective. But, before we go, let’s talk to our benefactor, Chief Lee. Don’t worry, he won’t punch us in the dick like a certain other old, mustached village chief from other JRPGs...

“We're in the middle of discussing Timothy and Alice's wedding arrangements. Hey, why don't you bring a girlfriend or two home once in a while? Just because you live with an old man like me doesn't mean you have to hold back now, you hear!? Why, when I was as young as you are, it seemed like every day I would...”

”...be plowing a different hot piece of country ass that came my way. Hell, I think the only reason Aveh has kept up in the war is because I provided them with an entire generation of new recruits across the countryside from my exploits. Heh. Why I remember this one time I was at church and this redhead was—“

“Ahem! Ohum! Oh, errh... never mind. Now, we still have important things to discuss... so don't get in the way now."

Well, that was educational. Now, let’s go down the rabbit hole to find Alice.

Fei goes to leave the Chief’s house when...

Sweet fancy Moses... That is a forehead and a half...

<Don’t stare at his massive dome, Fei. Just stay locked on his eyes... Do not look at the forehead...>

Timothy turns around toward Dan...

"Dan! Don't be so rude. What's this barging in and all?"

"Argh! Timothy's here too. Butt out, Timothy! Until you marry my sister, you have nothing to do with me at all! I just have some business here with my friend Fei!"

"What is it, Dan? It sounds serious!"

<I bet he wants help waxing that bowling ball above his eyes...>

"Yeah, that's why I can't talk about it here... There's a certain person listening in who could cause us trouble...! It's really important! We gotta talk, seriously, one-on-one, man-to-man! I'll be hanging around outside. So I'll see ya there later, OK!"

Dan does a gesture which I can only guess is probably flipping Timothy the bird before the gravitational pull of his cranium escorts the kid back outside. Timothy mumbles something about how being that spaz’s brother-in-law is going to blow. But, apparently his sister is hot, so Timmy will just have to take the good with the bad.

Welp, that’s it for the Chief’s hut. Let’s get out into the great outdoors.

Welcome to the quaint pastoral community of Lahan. For a PSX RPG, there’s quite a bit of activity around town. And the community actually consists of more than like five people living two to a house. We’ll be taking a tour of the town next update. So, let’s just complete our errands for the time being.

If we wander around the square a bit, we’ll find Dan struggling to keep upright just a short ways from the Chief’s hut. Let’s get this out of the way. You know that kid is the type to come whining after us later if we don’t see what he wants as soon as we make ~~forehead~~ eye contact with him.

"As you know, tomorrow's finally the day of my sister's wedding... So, what I want to talk to you about is exactly that... Alice's marriage! Fei, to be perfectly honest with you... I've always wished you could have been my brother. It's still not too late. You could go steal Alice and run off with her! If you need me to help, I'd be glad to!"

”You...want me to kidnap your sister the day before her wedding...? Am I understanding you correctly...?”
<Oh, lord... This conversation is already heading down a dark path...>

“It may be odd for me to say this, but my sister's beautiful and a good cook... (and this is just between you and me but, she's well endowed too! Heh heh heh!)"

”I am going to level with you, Dan. This may be the creepiest conversation I have ever had concerning siblings...”
*makes boob bouncing hand gesture*
<Kill me...>

We can agree to Dan’s plan and he’ll be surprised we’ll go through with it and thank us for being a total bro. However, he quickly realizes that wouldn’t really work out. But we’re cool in forehead boy’s book for being a good guy. If Fei refuses, Dan just gets pissed we won’t kidnap and force ourselves on his soon to be wed sister. Anyhow...moving right along...

Alice’s house is just a short stroll from where Dan was hanging out. It’s customary for folks in Lahan not to interact with a bride before her wedding. But meh... Fei is the protagonist, so he gets special treatment.

Fei moseys on into Alice’s house...

Well, I certainly hope Timothy has some money stashed away if Alice’s wooden crate table is anything to deduce her wealth by... At least she doesn’t live in the basement, like Fei. She has a nice upstairs loft. Let’s head on up!

"Oh!? Fei, you startled me!"

”Sorry. It’s kinda hard to knock when your room entrance is just a set of stairs...”

"Yes it is... I just finished it. It took more work than I expected."

Music: Singing of the Gentle Wind

"Hmmm... You did a great job there! It'll look wonderful on you, Alice... Congratulations."

“Thank you... ...”

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing..."

"I see..."

<Great chat...>

"Um... Oh yes, that's right... Fei, have you seen Dan?" "

”Man, you could see that kid from space in the right lighting...”
“...”
“Uhh...sorry. Heh...”

"Yeah, he's outside... bragging as always."

<And talking about your bust size and how he wants men to abduct you... But I’ll just keep that to myself>

"Ugh, that kid! I just told him that I had an errand for him to run! It's for my wedding ceremony tomorrow... I was hoping he could go borrow a camera and some lights from Doctor Uzuki, up on the mountain peak."

"If that's all it is, I'll be glad to do it for you."

"Could you? Oh, but I couldn't possibly..."

"Don't worry! It's no problem! Anyway, it doesn't exactly make me feel comfortable having Dan handle such delicate instruments. What's more, I might have a chance to eat some of Yui's cooking if I go to the doc's place."

"Hee-hee... That's my Fei!"

<Oh, the Friend Zone... How I hate thee...>

Fei turns to leave Alice’s room...

"Huh...? Is there something else you want me to get from Citan?"

"No... It's not that... Fei... Have you ever thought about things this way?"

<I’m not going to like this conversation either, am I?>

“And if we had only known each other earlier on..."

“...”

<Oh shit... Oh shit... She totally wants to rock my bones... Must abort. Must abort immediately...! Cannot have this conversation now! Cannot bang best friend’s future wife! Bros before hoes, Fei!>

"...Oh, it's nothing. I'm sorry..."

"... Well, I think I had better get going now!"

"Oh, OK... Be careful on that mountain path. And give my regards to Doctor Uzuki!"

Fei dashes the hell out of that awkward conversation...