The Let's Play Archive


by Squint

Part 24: Session 022: Suneiku

Session 022: Suneiku

Day 33, 1806

With Mr. Rodriguez's revenge exacted upon the killers of his family, I decided to check in with Victor de Castigo since I was in town anyway.

"Ah, the Beacon! Done with your time off, perhaps?" he asked as I walked into his warehouse. "I hope you are ready to get to some action."

"Couldn't hurt to learn the details," I said.

He smiled. "Rumor has it you can apply a delicate touch to matters that require them."

I shrugged. "When it's called for, I try my best."

Supplemental translation: "Please kill Las Vacaciones's chief of police. There's a dude who curates the museum in that town by the name of Mateo Matti. He's got a major hard-on for snakes. He can probably hook you up with something ill-tempered and venomous. Tell him I said hi."

I shifted my weight to the other foot.

"Six thousand, huh? Well, I having a reputation as a cop-killer wouldn't exactly be beneficial, so I'd definitely try to keep it low-key."

de Castigo nodded. "You can go where we cannot, mercenario, so it would be good for us as well if you retain your ability to come and go as you please... at least for now. You will do it, then?"

I let out a sigh. "All right, sure. I guess some cloak-and-dagger shit will be a fun change of pace."

I closed the door to the GAZ, put the key in the ignition, and stopped. It was quiet in the vehicle. I looked over my seat into the back, where four pairs of eyes (six if you count Jenova's glasses) were looking at me patiently from the benches on either side. I then looked over to Deadmeat, sitting in the passenger seat.

"It's a hit," I said.

"Awesome!" squealed Jenova. "I get to snipezor another hapless llama!"

"Cram it, pencil-neck," snapped LvK, wrinkling her nose. "Cap'n's gonna let me slit the mark up good, ain't he?"

I scratched the bridge of my nose. "Actually... we may have to be a bit unorthodox for this one."

"Ooh, something kinky," breathed raverrn.

"Yeah, right, what could you do, you gentile hussy?" asked Deadmeat. "Spit pingpong balls at him from your hoo-ha until he chokes on one?"

I started the engine and sighed. Five mercs on the team, and the one who had shot up a school was the sanest among them.

Day 33, 2348

After parking, we walked a couple of blocks to the building with the sign "Museo" out front in gold letters. I figured Mr. Matti would be inside somewhere.

"What the hell is there to look at in Algeyra anyway?" asked LvK. "They got an exhibit in there called 'Historical Landmines Through the Ages' or somethin'?"

"More like 'Cocaine: Algeyra's Cash Crop of the Past, Present, and Future'," said ZeeToo with a snicker.

"It's late so Mr. Matti's probably in his quarters," I said, ignoring them. "You people stay here, I'll check out the museum grounds."

A side entrance to the building led to a short hallway, a sitting room, and a door with a plaque reading "M. Matti, Capataz." I knocked, and a few moments later a timid voice said "Come in."

He was a little taken aback by my rifle, but it wasn't exactly a rare occurrence to see heavily-armed people walking the streets in Algeyra so he didn't flat-out panic.

"Mr. Matti, I have a job that I was told you could help me with."

He eyed me suspiciously. "Who? Who told you?"

I held out a hand. "Whoa, whoa, calm down. He said you knew a thing or two about snakes."

That snapped him right out of it. "Snakes? Snakes? Why yes, I know all there is to know about them! They are my hobby, my joy, and my life!"

I withdrew my hand and scratched the back of my neck. "I'm sure they are, but all I need is a snake that can kill a man. I-"

Apparently this has some significance but I can't figure out from the translation how the conversation went in this direction.

"All right, so, er... I'll be sure not to open any baskets for a while. Thanks."

Mateo seemed to be in a hurry to get rid of me. "Please, just take it and go! I don't want to know any more about what de Castigo has you up to, but I don't want to risk getting on his bad side, either, so just..." he shooed me to the door with his hands.

This wicker basket has a secret compartment in the bottom that contains a poisonous snake! This is among the deadliest baskets to appear in a squad-based tactical game in years.

Outside, I discussed the plan with the team.

"A snake? A fucking snake?" LvK arched an eyebrow at me. "Cap'n, I'll be the first to admit that it's a punk-as-fuck way to kill someone, but why can't we just go in and shoot or chop the guy up?"

"Yeah, it seems a little... contrived. Nothing wrong with sticking to the classics," said ZeeToo, patting his M14.

"Look," I said, "the target is the chief of police, all right? We can't exactly go and shoot up a police station. Even if we did manage to kill every single policeman in town, we sure as hell couldn't ever come back here. Also, stealth won't help. Cops note people who come in and people who come out, and it wouldn't take Sherlock goddamn Holmes to figure out that one of us iced the chief. His death will have to come from something that happens after we're long gone."

That seemed to quiet them a bit.

"So what's the plan?" asked Deadmeat after the pause.

I held the basket up; everybody but raverrn shied away from it a bit. "There's a venomous snake in a compartment in the bottom of this basket. We get the basket into his office, open the compartment, and let nature take its course."

"All right, how do we get it into his office without all the warning bells?" asked ZeeToo.

"We'll need two people," I said. "One person to distract the chief if he's on duty-and he almost certainly will be-and another to plant the basket."

As I looked the team over to determine who would do what, my eyes were drawn to raverrn-or, more specifically, her top, the top two buttons of which were undone.

I pointed at her boobs. "Those will do nicely," I said. "raverrn will be our distraction."

She giggled. "All's fair."

After a couple of minutes of standing outside the police station, I deliberated on who the basket deliverer would be.

Meanwhile, on the second floor of the station, raverrn glided into Chief Lima's office to give him the business.

I saw the lights in the second-floor windows go out so I figured she'd gotten to work on her lapdance or striptease or God-knows-what she was doing up there. Having the lights out would also help our basket planter do his or her job better.

Perhaps it was just me, but I could have sworn I heard raverrn singing "Happy birthday Mr. President" in her best breathy porno voice.

"Put me in, coach, put me in!" screeched Jenova out of nowhere. I turned to look at him. "Let me put the basket in there! I'm stealthy as fuck."

"Er, Jenova, it's an indoor environment and you're in a Ghillie suit."

"If someone starts to turn in my direction I'll just stand in the basket and pretend to be a potted plant," he said.

"You'd crush the snake," I reminded him.

"Just trust me, sir, I shall not run afoul of any constables of the law whilst within, I swear it!"

"All right, fine," I grumbled. "Here's the basket. For the love of God, just... I don't know. Whatever. Good luck."

He saluted me smartly, wheezing out his pride through the sniper mask. "I won't let you down, sire Beacon! I shall away forthwith, verily!"

"It will be like something out of my Japanese animes," he added with a braying cackle. I guess it was some kind of in-joke.

He strode up the steps into the lobby of the police station and instantly dropped into the prone.

"What in fuck's name is he doing?" whispered ZeeToo.

"'e looks like an overgrown caterpillar in there," murmured LvK.

"Suneiku, this is a sneaking mission," huffed Jenova as he scrabbled along the bare floor. "If you're detected, it's game over. Try to avoid conflicts. Use the environment to your advantage..."

His voice trailed off as he crawled up the stairs to the second floor...

...and into the room where I suppose raverrn was grinding on one very confused (but not complaining) chief of police.

I have to admit, Jenova chose a good place for the basket. He placed it under the chief's desk, which would expose his legs to the snake the next time he sat down while remaining difficult to notice.

Once raverrn had given Jenova enough time to get back outside, she too excused herself from the station.

"That owned!" squealed Jenova. "Wait'll I write in my LJ about this!"

"He was a nice man," said raverrn with a small smile. "Not grabby like some guys."

Deadmeat snorted. "Well, I have to imagine he was more than a little blindsided."

"'ey, I 'ate to break up the commentary," pointed out LvK, "but we should get like a heroin addict 'n make tracks."

"Yeah," I said. "Don't want to be the ones loitering around outside the station when that snake finds him. Let's go."

We just included this screenshot to show you how we're "notified" that the police chief is killed. Apparently he screams so loudly that you can hear him from the map screen; he sure does regret dying, I guess.

"Actually, I'm kind of surprised that worked," said ZeeToo on the road down to Ciudad de Oro.

"Me too," said Deadmeat. "I suppose sometimes the old ways are the best ways."

Day 34, 0402

"It's done," I told de Castigo after getting back in town.

"Will it come back to us?" he asked slowly. I shook my head.

"Outstanding," he said, nodding his approval. "You show your worth more every day. Here."

He cocked his head at his assistant, who tossed me my money.

"So," he said with a sniff, "what will you do now?"

Sidequests? See what the government is up to? More from Victor de Castigo/the rebels? Throw out your suggestions!