Part 40: My Dude's Theme Goes With EverythingPART 40 - My Dude's Theme Goes With Everything
Welcome, folks. It's time for an Eagle mission, and you all voted Sami... this brings back painful memories.
Let's just get through this.
I do like the mission name this time around. Sounds pretty cool.
And hey, at least this mission probably isn't gonna be Fog of War. I mean, would they do six maps in a row-
Number Of Fog Of War Maps In A Row: 6 And Its Not Even Funny Anymore
So, yeah, this is gonna be painful, isn't it? I mean, Sami vs Eagle in Fog of War last time... I remember bombers, fighters, death and several deaths or near-deaths.
Can't wait to do it all again in an all-new map! /s to the highest degree
Harrying? Was that, like, a pun on harrier?
I wasn't going to post this, since I'm sure most people know what a harrier is, but I was just endlessly amused by the fact that the guy who designed the harrier, Hawker Siddeley, intentionally named it after a bird of prey, but not the one that was in his actual name.
Anyway, regardless of whether that pun was intentional or not, Eagle is certainly intrigued to see Sami again.
Get in Eagle's way? Aren't we the ones attacking him? I dunno.
As an aside, Sami, can you ask that question to literally every other CO in the game, too?
You have a problem with Dipshit? Eagle, buddy, you're preaching to the fuckin' choir.
The game has demanded we arbitrarily carry on for a few more missions, unfortunately. So we're not gonna get any more plot this time around either, I'm guessing.
Sami, this is our chance to get rid of him for good. Come on, just hand him over. We'll get rid of Dipshit AND we won't have to do an Eagle Fog of War map. That's the literal definition of a win-win.
I mean, yes, you're technically my superior, but as your ACO I advise that you just hand Dipshit over.
Sigh. Looks like we're fighting. See, Sami, this is why we can't have nice things. You keep ruining my hopes and dreams.
Well, he's certainly telling the truth there. This map is a BITCH.
And, well, it's time to begin. So, as usual, I'd love to get all "here's the strat" on you, but again, it's a godforsaken Fog of War map, so what strategy is there other than "die a lot until you learn where everything is"?
Alfonse and Dave make a start on capturing the nearby properties. Barold's being a tank again.
Eagle likely has the advantage in numbers and air superiority. Our only advantage is our location: Eagle's forces are gonna have to go quite far to get to me, through forests and the like; of course, that advantage is negated by the fact that any fighters he has ignore mountains anyway.
Speaking of fighters, I'd rather not have mine get murdered right now. We're retreating all the air units until I can ascertain where exactly the fighters are. Besides "fuckin' everywhere", which is accurate but not terribly helpful.
Gareth and Arthur are on hand, too. Gareth hops into Michael...
And Arthur clambers into Bernard. I mean, we're retreating Bernard, but hey, we might need a mech handy at some point.
This is roughly how things shape up on the first turn.
Oh god, here it comes.
See, Eagle, "Wings of Victory!" sounds cool. "To the skies!" does not. Where the fuck else were your planes going to go?
The entire enemy phase is just ominous plane and vehicle noises in the dark. Christ, I hate Fog of War.
OK, cool, we have no idea where anything is still. Great.
Alfonse and Dave do some capturing in the meantime.
I drop Arthur off.
And hey, Rose is in a bro copter! It's been a while, she's been doing most of her work as a medium tank lately. Go and scout, Rose!
"I can suit whatever is required of me." Rose says, observing the field. "Though my tactical ability is limited with this accursed fog."
...Oops. I think I just signed Rose's death warrant.
I decide not to move anything else, since I am incredibly paranoid about fighters and bombers.
Some guy does a capture. Everyone in this world is obsessed with buildings and owning them. Is Monopoly part of the curriculum at military academy or something?
Oh, a fighter, excellent.
Of COURSE he has enough movement to go for Bernard. Seems like forests don't hide air units, so uh, that was good to know. I mean, the AI cheats anyway, he shouldn't have had the vision to SEE Bernard, but I'm at least pretty sure that's how it works for air units.
"Looks like this is where I'm goin' down for good." Bernard mutters. "Hey, put a statue of me up or something, 'k?"
The transport copter crashes and burns as it collides with the mountainous terrain around.
And what's better than one fighter, folks?
"Even I... couldn't have predicted that..." Rose says, falling out of her seat as the copter begins to explode. "I... I need to get away!"
But she doesn't, and the copter explodes violently.
A couple of tanks and a bomber also show up. They, too, are assholes. Everyone in Eagle's army is an asshole.
Fuck's sake... what am I supposed to do now?
I set Cassandra against her fellow men for the crime of being massive dickwads.
They take their punishment well. Anti-airs really don't seem to do well against fighters.
I send Howard over, but...
Oh, what's the point? I'm definitely not going to win if my transport copter gets destroyed, and we can't have Rose be canonically dead. Nobody would like that.
Let's do it again but less badly this time.
Nell, I didn't even SEE Lightning Strike. He didn't need it to destroy me. Also, funny that Nell mentions battle copters, because Eagle actually doesn't have any in this map.
Sorry for disappointing you. I swear, I can do it!
Sigh. Right, we need a new plan.
BEEP BEEP, MONKEYFUCKERS. ITS ORANGE STAR, AND WEVE COME FOR YOUR KNEECAPS.
By which I mean, lets tango again, Eagle. I have a few new strats. And to go with these new strats, I think its time to bust out my theme.
Starts off pretty similarly. Alfonse and Dave capture the buildings (this'll be crucial, as you'll see) whilst Arthur gets back into Bernard. We really, REALLY need to keep Bernard alive this time.
We don't go far, though. We drop Arthur off here. You'll see.
And this is how things shape up on the first turn. You can't really tell what I'm going for here, but hey, Eagle's about to ominously move in the fog for like five minutes straight, so I'll fill you in on the plan in the meantime.
So, this is several attempts later, you'll be unsurprised to hear. Eagle's air force consists of two fighters and four bombers. Like the last Eagle of War map, the fighters and a bomber will charge you, but the other bombers won't move until you get into their range. The objective of the first few turns is to bait out and take out the fighters. Once they're gone, our fighters can pretty safely advance on the enemy HQ to remove the bombers; once they're go-
quiet, Eagle, I'm talking
As I was saying, once they're gone, we can sneak Bernard in to drop off a mech and capture Eagle's HQ. Our units at home, meanwhile, will be playing more defensively; there's a bomber very close to the northern area, so we can only advance so far without drawing it out. The mission is to hold off the enemy forces just long enough to snatch the victory.
Let's see how it goes. This is by no means an easy map, even once you know what you're doing.
So, you might be wondering, how am I going to bait out the fighters and bomber?
Well, once the capturing is out of the way (still important, you'll see shortly), I'll tell you.
Let's just slide Stanley in here next to Howard, and...
I call this the Fuck Fighters Formation, or FFF for short. All my air units are safely protected, and I don't need to worry about the bomber; it has less range than the fighters, so PROBABLY can't reach me by turn 2, and even if he can, like all enemy units, he'll go for Michael. Michael's not protecting the fliers so there's no way the bomber can break the circle for the fighters. It's pretty good, as formations go.
Welp, now's the time to put it to the test, anyway.
And it worked perfectly. The fighters have come into my range, the bomber didn't even make it to us, and now they're wide open for a counterattack.
Let's do that!
So, the first fighter decided to sit right next to Cassandra, who opens fire immediately. Fighters are surprisingly tanky, but we do actually have enough damage to get them both out of here. (As for the bomber, well, that's why we've got Michael.)
Yeah, not so good now, are you?
I am so embittered at these hell planes.
And hey, speaking of people we've not seen on the field in a while, it's Mulligan. Nice to have you back, man - now do what you do best and murder the hell out of some planes!
Howard can take this lower plane if he gets a little lucky.
Hell Plane Numero Uno is down.
And Stanley's got this one covered, easily.
And with that, the difficult of this map just splintered into pieces. It's by no means a cakewalk, but with those gone, Lucy, Howard and Stanley pretty much rule the skies now.
So, hey, why not test Lucy out? She's not been on the field in so long, and for good reason.
Bombers are frighteningly potent. That's why I love them. Oh, well - that and the fact that basically nothing can counterattack them.
"It's always fun to get back in the field!" says Lucy, excitedly watching the bombs drop. "With me around, you know we're never gonna lose!"
"Nice to have this kind of power on our side for once." Tina says. "I'm strong, but that girl is next-level."
"Agreed." Fred replies. "The act of destroying evil is a noble one indeed, and the blood she draws outdoes the rest of us!"
Arthur can head up here to snag this kill.
Good job, Arthur. Although, thinking about it, we're going to be dealing with a Lightning Strike soon if we're not careful. I should probably stop murdering everything in view and just focus on direct threats.
With Arthur out of Bernard, though, I need a new mech for Operation Carry Someone Across The Entire Map And Get A Cheeky HQ Capture. Gareth should fit the bill nicely.
"Hey, Gareth. Shall we?" Bernard says, giving him a lazy wave as his troops enter the transport copter.
"Mm. Quickly, too. I don't like Green Earth; sooner we're out of here, the better." Gareth replies. Bernard nods, and prepares to take flight.
We're going to move him exactly here. Why, you ask? You'll see next turn. It has to do with some of the ground units that are headed our way.
In order to deal with those units, Dave, Alfonse and the rest are headed up here. The line of trees, going diagonally from Dave to Lucy to Arthur, is the very edge of that bomber's range. Anything that moves past the trees will get one-shot, so the goal is to hold the line here. The trees provide defence and a place to hide, so the only weak link is whoever's in the road.
We'll replace Arthur with someone more able to tank later.
For now, we'll move Michael onto this city. This is why it's crucial that we have it captured - Michael, even with the city bonuses, is going to take heavy damage from the bomber, and we need him healing from the word 'go'.
Also, thanks to the positioning of Mulligan, it doesn't matter where the bomber attacks from - he'll be in Mulligan's range next turn.
So, hey, let's lure a moronic bomber. Moromber? Eh. I'll work on it.
And there he is. Took the bait like a champ.
Michael, as usual, makes us all proud by surviving actual fucking bombs from on high with 2HP.
Nothing else attacked, though. Most of Eagle's ground units are vehicles, so even the ones that are really close to us will have a tough time getting through the trees in a timely fashion.
This is why we needed Bernard to be right where he was. If he'd been one space to the right, he'd have been an easy target for the anti-airs that are... somewhere near here. But from here, he has enough movement to get to the mountains, where the anti-airs can't attack him. So we're all good!
Oh, right, this guy exists. Mulligan, would you?
I shift Arthur down, making sure he's still riiight on the edge of the bomber in the dark. From the mountains we can see one of the anti-airs I was worried about. There's another one somewhere, I'm pretty sure. As well as an artillery. Yeah, even Eagle's ground units are tough this time around.
Tina's basically the only person I feel comfortable letting handle the road section of this defence. Roads give no defence bonuses, so raw stats are important, and Tina has raw stats for days.
And Cassandra's on hand to make sure that this 1HP bomber doesn't do anything troublesome.
There we go. And with that, we've definitely given Eagle his CO power, haven't we?
I'm a little worried about Dave, so I shift things around, putting Lucy where he was, and putting Barold in the trees. Slightly more defensive than an infantry, at least.
I'm sending Howard and Stanley up here. This mission can be rather tight on fuel if you're underprepared, so I'm putting them both in a position where Michael can refuel them next turn. That'll help a lot, trust me.
Lightning Strike is on the way. At least we took out everything truly threatening.
Ooh, fuck, never mind. This very threatening infantry half-captures this property.
We got a badass over here.
Some more tanks show up. The tank wisely decides not to fuck with Tina, though he has now revealed Barold's location to the enemy. Lightning Strike will probably have the tank attack him next turn.
Speak of the devil.
I skipped through Eagles dialogue here, but its something alone the lines of I dont want to harm Sami, but I dont have kneecaps.
That was probably it.
And yup, called it. Hang in there, Barold!
"Ngh! I'm fine here. I can hold this line for a lot longer!" Barold shouts. Tina grins.
"Good, because from what Arthur said, there's a lot more coming our way. This is going to be tough!"
"And it's up to us to get it done, hm?" Howard says to Stanley and Bernard. Bernard nods, looking back at Gareth.
"Mm. You ready, Gareth? Could get bumpy."
"Born ready. Let's fly out and take Eagle by surprise."
"Sounds excellent to me!" Stanley replies.
"Let's just hope it isn't too troublesome. I've had enough of stressful missions lately." Howard sighs.
"Alright, let's get going." Bernard says. "You two catch me up."
With that, it's a new day. But hey, our new strategy handled both fighters, the bomber and Lightning Strike without anything going wrong, so we've got a pretty good foothold in this map. Next time, our fighters and Bernard will head out to win the map whilst Tina and co. hold the line, hopefully preventing anyone from getting through.
We'll see how it goes... we're by no means in the clear yet.
The Barracks: Rose and Tina 3
Rose! Working hard? Tina says, walking in to the vehicle compound and spotting a small girl, cleaning her tank with utmost care.
It is I, yes. ...Tina. Youre looking well.
I am. But Im not here to compare myself to you or any of that. Ive been thinking a lot about our last conversation. Tina says.
I dont recall. Rose murmurs, hopping down and facing Tina. Ah, no, I do. I had confided to you about my lack of a childhood. And my subsequent work for the government.
Yeah. Its been on my mind. Tina replies, coming to sit on the treads. She pats the area next to her, and Rose comes to sit beside her. Not having a doll, not getting friends your age, always doing work that was asked of you thats not an eight year olds job, regardless of their smarts.
It is unfortunate. Somewhat ironic, dont you think? I am old enough to work for the government, join an army, and advise on tactics, but not yet old enough to make my own decisions about where I want to go in life.
It fucking sucks, if Im being honest, Rose. Tina says frankly. She places a hand on Roses shoulder, and the girl shudders briefly, surprised at the contact.
What can you do, though?
Well, I cant really make your parents change their minds about you, and I cant tell the government off or anything. But I thought I could at least let you have some moments of being a kid.
Rose turns her head, curious. Tina fishes a small object out of her back, and places it in Roses hands.
This is a little embarrassing, but I brought this guy with me when I joined the army. My mother died in childbirth, and after my dad passed away, I had nowhere to go. Thats why I joined the army. I didnt have much to take with me, but this was always important to me.
Its wonderful. Rose murmurs, looking down at the object. Its a stuffed bear, with floppy little limbs, brown fur and two button eyes.
This is Marlon. Its been a long time since he was in my bed, but I thought youd like to have him."
Rose tears up a little. Thank you. Thank you, Tina.
No worries. Happy to have found a home for the guy. Tina replies.
Rose clutches the bear tightly, then looks at Tina with two tears running down her cheeks.
I hope this isnt too forward, but could we embrace for a moment? Its been a long time since someone, uh my parents "
I understand. Tina says, and without another word, she pulls Rose into a warm hug. Rose closes her eyes, and for the briefest moment, shes three again, and the only thing in the world that matters is that somebody loves her.