The Let's Play Archive

Awful Fantasy

by Roar

Part 11: Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Or, as I like to call it, The First of the Exposition Chapters.

Pipebomb: Unhh...
Fistgrrl: Morning, merry sunshine!
Pipebomb: Hello. I'm Laura Bush. Where is my sled?
Fistgrrl: Yeeeaah. Anyway, OMGWTFBBQ flew away somewhere...he was...A SUPAR SSAIIYAJIKN!

EPG: Whatever. Just sit your ass down and drink your goddamn TEA!

El Pinto channels Cid.

Pipebomb: Let's forget about this and end the game right here! There are penis monsters ahead for Christ's sake!
Fistgrrl: This sounds like that story... with that boy who had a box.
EPG: What happened in that story?
Fistgrrl: The box blew up and the boy died...
Ozma: ...what in the blue hell were we talking about?
Jeddite: This situation needs something... it needs...needs more cowbell!

The group's in agreeance with that.

EPG: Hey gang, I've got a groovy idea! Let's split up! Those who aren't searching for OMGWTFBBQ have to stay in this suckass town. They rebuilt my castle! We can use that to go do something! Something NAUGHTY!

Alright, time for votes.

shut up.

Also, TACO has no intentions of staying in Canada with the others.

He's gonna go out and hunt while they're gone.

 For some reason the stupid game genie code doesn't work correctly so this doesn't really happen 

Anyways, everyone says something a little different about the coming events.

Fistgrrl: All I ask for is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own self.
Jeddite: Todd looks AWFULLY familiar...
Geno: Follow the path, for the path is grey. Follow the light, for the light is grey. The future is ours. The future is grey.

It's so obvious now

Airdisc: EVerything you say is stupid and you are stupid for saying it.
Pipebomb: They say everyone enjoys the smell of their own farts, but I think I may be taking this to an extreme...
EPG: Holy fuck. I quit. Game over, man.
Ozma: In the name of all that is good and just, WTF?

Anyways, let's head back to Figaro.

Where EPG's loyal subjects are happy to see him.

Ozma splits off. For reasons.


And we buy a drill and a Flash for half-price. I forget what their names were changed to. I'll tell you later.

Let's find out what Ozma's up to.

Ozma: Ahh, it's good to be the king! Or Queen. Or whatever I'm supposed to be. I don't even know anymore.
Ozma: W-wait! Not a flashback sequence! NOOOOOO!


Ms Ozma!!!!!

Ozma: The angst fuels my soul!
Shade Fell: El pinto! The King is dead! A-a-a-and he said that you are the new KING OF AMERICA!

Ozma: It's because I'm a girl, isn't it?
Shade Fell: You're a girl?
Ozma: You sassin me, tubby? I'd eat all your brains, but then I'd be infected by stupid!
EPG: Shade're bringing me down, man!

I think everything happened like it did in the original, only with much more stupid reactions.

EPG: Look, I went through all that trouble of poisoning that other king...are you the bettin' type, Ozma?
EPG: If it's heads, I am of the win. If be it's tails... you are to be living in the mountain for all eternity.
Ozma: Why are you so mean?
EPG: Because I am a cruel mexican. Mean is my way of being.
Ozma: You don't even sound Mexican. You sound like a fat man from Detroit.

EPG comes out of hiding over to the right.

EPG: So where have you been again? France?
Ozma: France is for Gays and Damn Dirty Jews, both of which own Hollywood.
EPG: Uh huh... I've missed you so much.
Ozma: Go roll a donut, molesturd!

No idea what a molesturd is.

EPG: Don't be angry...I never meant to jacknife that school bus of swine children onto Princess Di on Christmas day.
EPG: I just wanted to eat my food in peace and slap some teenage ass.
Ozma: Well you did, and it landed you in JAIL!

If something sentimental just happened, I missed it.

Let's just go to town.

Yes I know shut up.

On the west side of town sits the house of someone Pipebomb used to know.

Pipebomb: ONE! I went out on ONE date with her!

Flashback time!

Here's the SAClopedia entry for Rabid Hamster.

Zinovy posted:

Rabid Hamster was an (ugly) female goon that gained her notoriety at GoonCon 2k3. Apparently she had spent GoonCon acting like a drunken slut. A series of pictures of her were posting, notable ones include: her topless (stomache side on beg, no nudity) getting a massage from a male goon, a picture of her with a wierd facial expression while Geckolio is behind her with an enraged face and a middle finger up, and a variety of pictures of her in pseudo sexual cirumstances with other goons. During the week that followed she became a forum star, especially in FYAD where it was common to see her face extremely zoomed up. She never posted much after the whole GoonCon incident. The only posts of hers I remember was when she commented on her avatar (insert quarter to lose virginity, or something similiar). If you see a picture of a really ugly readhead, chances are its Rabid Hamster.

Pipebomb: Grrr....Darling, please come here and hold this dynamite for me.

The bridge begins to shake with Pipebomb on top of it.


She pushes him out of the way and falls.

Pipebomb: That's not enough to kill such a monster. I must...finish the job.

...Pipebomb's starting to grow on me.

Pipebomb: What I meant to do was shove this turkey baster up your uterus!
Rabid Hamster: I FEEL NOTHING

Pipebomb: Not just any seed, old man! In her dwells the spawn of SATAN himself! Prepare for you all to DIE!
Rabid Hamster: Pipebomb...even though your demon sperm is mutating within me and eating my brain...I you...
Pipebomb: Fuck you, my crotch deserves a purple heart for where it's been!

Yep, he's definately growing on me.

Oh really? Let's go visit her!

Old Man: I stuffed her full of jam and beans and sauuuuce.

Flashback time AGAIN

Creepy old duder walks up.

Pipebomb: What's in it for you?
Old Man: Well, what I'm gon' do is saw the top of her head off and root aroun' in 'er with a stick.
Pipebomb: That is the greatest fucking thing ever.
Old Man: Kuha, ha, ha!!

Oh hey ISnoop.

Isnoop: I'll run around with you for a while, and then leave for no good reason! How bout it?

Buy off Isnoop

Fuck yes we're picking him up.

Oh, by the by, I did some experimentation. When there's one enemy, Shock does 700's damage. When there's two, it does 300-400 damage. So apparently shock is dependant on enemy size. Imagine that!

Oh no you don't, fucker.

Next time: