Part 15: Chapter FourteenChapter Fourteen
We start today's chapter onboard X JAKK's airship.
Fistgrrl helps her friends in. She helps Pipebomb, too.
Fistgrrl: Who can help but urinate all over your pretty little face?
Pipebomb: Alright, everybody remembers the plan, right?
Fistgrrl: We never came up with a plan.
Fistgrrl: Might I interest you in some MACE IN YOUR EYES?!?
X JAKK: HURRR I UHHH HURR THE WUHHH BUHH FUDD MUHH GUFF
Fistgrrl: You was all dissin me and shit. I aint taking shit from nobody. Nobody!
Pipebomb: Hey, I took bubble baths with my brother until I was 12. That's normal, right?
Ozma: Can you get pregnant if you do it in the mud?
I'm fully aware that EPG has lines in this and the next scene and I didn't remember it until I had already gotten here.
I refuse to be assed into going through the entire opera sequence again for two lines worth of nonsequiters.
X JAKK: Hold up, enough questions!
Fistgrrl: Or what, you'll shoot us?
X JAKK is classy.
Fistgrrl: We were hoping you could take us to the Black Science Institute.
Pipebomb: Magical cosplayers are being held hostage and we need to kill them and use their corpses on our friend!
And here's the main quest of the game summed up in one sentence, in case you've missed it.
Ozma: We killed a beluga whale once. They scream like crazy.
X JAKK: I dunno. Scooby-Doo is on and if I don't find out who the snow ghost is, I'll never sleep again.
Fistgrrl: Do it or I will roll you down a hill while jumping up and down screaming Prodigy lyrics!!
Pipebomb: No, this whole situation is getting too rigoddamndiculous! NO NO NO!
Fistgrrl: Just give him the fucking Oreo, Pipebomb, geez...
X JAKK: Yes! And then can I break rules and tear through ass like a frothing lunatic?
Fistgrrl: Knowing you, you have unfair super powers. You just stay on the ship for now. But I'll let you inappropriately wield snack products as a melee weapon. How's that?
X JAKK: Great! And after this, let's having boring, passionless sex totally devoid of spontaneity!
X JAKK knows how to have a good time.
Pipebomb: A plot piss poor as this one should be considered a terrorist attack!
Fistgrrl: A toast, to the destruction of American infidels by Allah's almighty radioactive pregnant cyclops from space!
Not shown: Fistgrrl chucking the oreo into the air and watching it land. And bounce several times.
Fistgrrl: Yes, the 5-second-rule is in effect...
X JAKK: I feel just like a world-renowned penis enhancement surgeon who drives Batman's car to work every day!
Fistgrrl: Now there's a man who loves his Oreos.
X JAKK: I love them as much as dinosaurs travelling through time searching for pirate treasure!
X JAKK: HAHAHA I PUKED UP A WHOLE OREO LETS FUCKING DESTROY EVIL FUUUCK!
Need I remind you all: this is the dialogue he chose for HIMSELF.
X JAKK: Yeah...the sun called, guys. Wanted to see what's up. It's been a while.
X JAKK: Hey, did you know I've stuck my penis in almost as many things as I've stuck up my ass?
DIALOGUE HE CHOSE FOR HIMSELF.
Pipebomb: What, you're like 20-something now? I hate you.
The game's bugging out again. For some reason, the trip to Vector is fucked up in AF3. I'm pretty sure it's normal in the normal ROM. Fortunately, as far as I can tell it's graphical only.
Anyways, who wants to see some cosplayers!
And I forgot the name of this one.
>Skull fuck central
Old lady: I don't like you crackas, mang!
>Dance all night
Old lady: Your chance to give up is long past, now it's time to pay the piper!
She sends a few pathetic Hawzy's at us. We decimate them.
Old lady: Women are bitches since they won't fuck me. I'm scared of the small people, scared for my life.
And then she heals us but you knew that already okay.
Dude: You gomer! You shall not climb on my box!
Feed him an acid brownie?
He has an adverse reaction to this.
We go up on the rafters and travel past him yadda yadda yadda.
Welcome to the Black Science eanstitute. There's some dudes in here and a bunch of treasure but who cares?
Because Todd is here.
Oh my God!
...I have no idea who that is.
But the SAClopedia does!
An incredibly annoying poster back in late 2001. Lowtax finally got sick of him and made an image macro saying "I HATE YOU KING REOL", and posted it in every thread posted by REoL. He eventually got banned, and started a campaign against Lowtax. It started when SA went down due to server problems. REoL emailed Lowtax, saying that he got what he deserved. Lowtax in turn posted his website as an ALoD, the site being a bunch of crappy Doom maps. His message board got royally flooded. He spammed Lowtax with ASCII art of 9/11, along with victim lists. He emailed ALoDs advising them to sue Lowtax. He emailed, or claimed to have emailed several news networks about Lowtax. He declared his message board a "crime scene". This continued for months and months until Lowtax finally blocked his emails. He still posts occasionally in ALoD guestbooks.
He certainly seems the bad guy type!
King REoL walks down to some Cosplayers that are totally not Ifrit/Shiva palette-swaps.
King REoL: You may have thought you were REoL tough, but in fact you're very dumb! Adios! The gate closes after each body! DO NOT CHALLENGE THE GATE!
He dumps them down the garbage chute. We follow them...
And fight them. Goku is whatever, but Sakura is weak to Fire 2. Guess what all those ill-gotten Flame Shields from Gogo teaches?
This terrible screenshot proves that a few rounds of Fart makes this fight a simple matter.
Sakura: WTF...I sense Yiff Tokens...you have Moltar's power? Wait! We're...Cosplayers...
Goku: King REoL is using us to become immortal and control the Kings County Sheriff's Office! And he stole my stapler!
Sakura: No...no...not the stapler. I...burn this place down.
Goku: We would rather die than live in a world where toast crumbs are in the butter!
So now we've got Goku...
We also fought this guy and he wasn't very hard at all.
In the next room, we find the Cosplayers.
TACO is a cold motherfucker. They all turn into Yiff tokens.
Stuntcock: That's a lot of pie.
That he is!
Stuntcock's career on the SA Forums got off to a rather rocky start, typically known for a rather casual sense of posting, and the rather odd habit of using bold and italic tags constantly through-out his threads.
Before very long, though, he became known as a figurehead within the DPPH forum, having a penchant for posting massive amounts of pale, skinny, beautiful redheads. Despite some derision from the other forum goers at point, Mr. Cock kept his head held up high and eventually became known as one of the forum's best, kindest, and most prolific posters.
Stuntcock, to a certain extent, is also known as the originator of the 'Bigpeeler Syndrome', in which he lives a life so close to any sane man's fantasy that it seems unreal. However, unlike some posters who make outlandish claims reguarding their everyday life, Stuntcock's existance as a Rennisance man/lover of women/partaker of wine and song/all around lucky bastard has been verified, mostly due to his blow-out goon meets in New Orleans.
In addition to all this, he has also proven himself to be extremely talented in the artistic realms, even going so far as being the end champion in the great Worth 1000 vs SA photoshop showdown. He also runs a website devoted to his artwork and photography, which stand as shining examples of his work.
See also: Don't Post Porn Here, DPPH v2.0, Bigpeeler, Worth 1000
I like how the definition called him "Mr. Cock" at one point.
Stuntcock: So you get pretty tokens for slaughtering Cosplayers. Neato!
They all swarm to TACO. TACO attracts all the bitches.
Fistgrrl: We meet again, Stuntcock...
Stuntcock: Now this is what I call a sticky situation!
Fistgrrl: I still remember that time you threw a brick at my head!
Stuntcock: Well, you were strangling me, shouting "YOUR SOUL IS MINE, HUMAN." What did you expect?
Pipebomb: I really am enjoying this little reunion, but I am compelled to choke you to death with your small intestine.
King REoL: C'mon, who needs Pipebomb? I wouldn't even let my adorable Shih Tzu puppy tinkle on trash like him!
Pipebomb: You fuckin' mad-dogging me, you ugly ass motherfuckers?
King REoL: I could've been taking a nap with my beloved Mr. Cuddles, but now I shall annihilate you infidels!
Pipebomb: Alright, you wants my herpes? Free herpes - come and get it, you punk ass pencil dick bitches!
King REoL: It's not the size that counts, it's the amount of hickory-smoked goodness!
Two Magiteks wander into the scene.
King REoL: Cower before my superior lighting effects!
Fistgrrl: That is not the lighting for dance...I will show you lighting skills... on the dance floor in the sky...
REoL has the best sprites.
Stuntcock: Don't...ever...knock... on my door... again...
Shit starts shaking up.
Stuntcock: You didn't happen to hit the "Murder Cosplayers Then Self Destruct" button we put in plain sight, did you?
Stuntcock: The Black Science Institute fades out of existence yet again!
Taco and the gang hop on the elevator and head on down.
Stuntcock: Hmmm, Fistgrrl could have said: "You can stroke my keys anytime!" while pointing to her aroused, pizza-sized nipples. Indeed, it was a narrow escape...
Stuntcock: At least you weren't being stalked at school by a 4' 400lb beast. That was the most horrifying experience ever.
TO BE CONTINUED