The Let's Play Archive

Barkley's Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden

by N.N. Ashe

Part 13: A Treatise on Libertarian Ideals and Goddamn Animal People

Charles knows only that does not want to pay the toll, so the party moves back through the sewers to find the offices of Dr. Allard.

We find a new door to new unexplored areas.

It leads to a lower level with a couple men idly standing about. The guard quite brusquely asks the party to leave him alone, when something catches Charles's eye.

It's a door. A locked door. Maybe it contains some sort of key item we will need later on in the game? Or some neo-shekels? Regardless we need to find out how to get inside. Maybe someone knows something about it.

Oh, we'll that was easy.
Dave I heard there was a trick to opening it. Something about a key in Cuchulainn's Tomb? Does that mean anything to you?
Dave Yeah, me neither. Just wondering.

Welp, let's get going up the ladder on the right side if this corridor. It leads…

To what seems like a relatively safe island in the middle of an inhospitable sewer.

Pump Among the most prominent Japanese composers (although I use the word 'Japanese' superfluously, as even the most well-known American composers are barely competent at best), one in particular stands out to the enlightened vidcon soundtrack consumer. His name: Yasunori Mitsuda. For the record, this is not to undermine the amazing worlds of other incredibly talented composers such as Uematsu-san or Sakuraba-san, but to highlight the unique, almost celto-tropic music ( the word music is an understatement) that Yasunori Mitsuda has been composing for years. It would be sheer ignorance to deny that the Chrono Cross soundtrack is anything but the magnum opus of vidcon music; its lilting and oftentime hauntingly peaceful guitar melodies soothe all but the most savage of breasts while its tense battle themes and mysterious donjon tunes ignite a blazing passion that can be quenched only by the vidcon's profound story and gameplay. It is a wonder that anyone can listen to anything besides vidcon musical compositions after listening to Mitsuda-san's immensely powerful soundtrack, but give that the primitive thuds of hip hop are America's current choice of 'music'( I use the term music liberally), one can see little hope in the mass appreciation of Mitsuda-san's work.

With our progress saved, and the best Fruedian slip of the game acquired, let's talk to this dude over here.

I think you can guess what Barkley would do.

There are plenty of suckers out there. I'm not one of 'em, chump. Try that shit on the next sap that comes through.

And now another vending machine, maybe now that Barkley has a few levels on him, his invisible science stat has been raised high enough to hack this one.

Ah well, we can come hack this when we return back with the key for the ominous door. For now though, let's just go through the doorway.

Music Doctor's Office

We have somehow in a bustling waiting room for a complete with faux plants and a water fountain. Let us hustle some bustle. Let's just pass all this bullshit and walk right in.

Seems we can't do this, no matter how many times we attempt, the guards push the party back. Maybe if we talk to some of the people here…

You see this hair? A few months ago it was a dirty blonde bowl cut. Three treatments and nine thousand neo-shekels later and look at me! The spitting image of Klaaust Mitsurgiri…
The hell are you talking about?
Klaaust Mitsugiri, aka "He Who Walks with Death." Pilot of the DEVIL_[blade] Mk. II mecha.
(Akward silence)
He's the protagonist of ~Hyperborea XII: Hyperborea no Legends~. It's only my favorite installment of the greatest vidcon series in existence. Frankly, I'm a but shocked you don't know what I'm talking about.
Hey I played that! Remember that part right, it's at when you're fighting that uh…
Hoopz, we gotta go.
Dad, I'm just…
We're going. Now.
Charles walks to the other side of the room. Balthios, who was idly watching the exchange, comes forth.
Charles, he was just talking.
Look at him. Look at his hair. I'd rather Hoopz talk to those animal people back at Cesspool X. Yeah they've got problems. This guy's a damn freak. No way in hell my son's gonna turn out like that.
… fair enough.

One of these freaks must know how to get in immediately.

I see you staring. Don't worry, I actually get it quite often. You're wondering what I am, correct? I'm a Geldrach, a species of my own creation. Some restrict their appearances to imagery found in the natural world. Animals, and the like. I aim for true expression. My current form is a testament to the awesome powers of imagination, and of the good doctor here. Dr. Allard is expensive, but extraordinarily talented. He had the ability to transform me into exactly what I desired, not just some mundane barnyard best. Needless to say, I took advantage of this. Ezekiel, Geldrach of the Far Plains. Greetings, strangers

We'll that gentelman was no help. Maybe one of the two normal dudes have information.

You gotten in yet?
I'm not here for surgery, son.
Sure. So… What kind of surgery are you "not here" for?
Oh, fuck this.

What's up? What's wrong with you?
My…my fucking eye, can't you see? I work in the sewers. I'm a plumber. So this bolt shoots off a pipe and hits me in the eye and when I fucking get here they make me wait. I'm gonna go fucking blind and this doctor has me waiting so he can see all these freaks who want to be turned into goddamn animals. Goddamn animal people get in when I'm… when I'm bleeding out of my fucking eye. Mother-fucking bullshit. He… he can't do this. It's my EYE for fuck's sake. Somebody should teach this bastard a lesson. Fucking animal freaks get in 'cause they walk in with pockets stuffed with neo-shekels… I'm the one with the emergency and I get the shaft. Fuck this place.

Maybe the lone and noble wolf guy can tell us how to get in?

You look pretty much done.
Excuse me?... you mean with surgery, correct? Well, this is actually a bit embarrassing. I'm actually not done yet. I mean, I've gotten my face pretty much finished, but under this cloak I'm just as human as anyone here. I saw what that reindeer over there looked like half-done and figure it would be best to cover up. It's quite jarring, I think.
Can't say any of you animal people look any different. The reindeer is a real mess though.
Anyway, just a few more treatments for me. It's cost me a fortune, but it'll be worth it to live in peace among kindred spirits. There's a city down here, you know. Cesspool X, it's called. I've heard wonderful things.

The reindeer woman! Of course! If anyone in this lobby would have information to get into Dr. Allard's office it would be her!

Quit looking at my nose asshole, it's not my damn fault.
Looks pretty messed up, chump.
Fuck off ok. Allard promised me 30 grand for a full conversion. Now at the last minute he's holding out. Asking for 35. Greedy son of a bitch. I was just two antlers and a nose away from being the reindeer I've always wanted. I just can't afford another five thousand. I was so close too… do you have any concept of what it's like to have your life's sole dream snatched away from you?
A little…
Well that's what Allard does to me. He does it to all of us. And there's nothing anybody can do. He's the only one willing or skilled enough to do a full conversion, and he knows it.

Angry, Barkley leaves the office and holds a team meeting.

Seems we're at an impasse. It doesn't seem like we're going anywhere until we pay the toll at the gate, large as it may be.
It's 5000 neo-shekels, Balthios. There's no way in hell I'd pay these thugs a damn thing, and I definitely wouldn't pay 'em 5000 neo-shekels. It's extortion, and I'm not gonna tolerate that shit. I say we go rough up that punk at the gate. And hell we should probably go teach this Dr. Allard and all of his goons a lesson while we're at it.
Charles, you can't just go around beating on anyone and everyone you want. What they're doing isn't right, but-
You're damn right it isn't People come down to these sewers to escape from shit on the surface, Balthios. And once they make it down here they've got to deal with this Allard and his thugs. Forget it. I'm not going to put up with it.
So… you're finally showing some sympathy for the sewer-dwellers.
I meant I'm not going to put up with it when it affects me and my son. It's hard enough to make ends meet in the post-cyberpocalypse, and that money could be put to use, not wasted on some bullshit toll.
Dad, it's ok. I mean, let's just give'em the money. It's fine. I don't want to see anybody get hurt. We can always spend less money.
Hoopz, I've taught you that sometimes people need to stand up for what's right, haven't I? Well this is one of those times.
Cyberdwarf, what's wrong?
Hmmm? Nothing, nothing at all. We just need to get a move on. The Spalding factory is our goal. Whatever you decide to do about this, do it quickly. We don't have the time to squander on these petty conflicts. B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. must be stopped.
You heard it, Charles. You decide what we're going to do. Either we pay the toll, or pay a visit to whoever you like. Dr. Allard or the gate guard. You might also want to find out who that "Rufus" in the not is. All we know is a name, but perhaps looking into it could give us something we could use. In any case, choose quickly please.