The Let's Play Archive

Barkley's Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden

by N.N. Ashe

Part 15: Proto Neo New York

Music- Proto Nep New York

What the hell is going on! What was that laughter? Who are you?
??? Shhh! Quiet! He will hear us!
??? The… Ghost Dad.
Just tell me what the hell is going on here!
??? K-keep it down! He's still here! Can't you hear him? Shit…

The laughter shakes the walls of already decrepit shack, and then, just as sudden as it began, the haunting laughs fade away.

???I think… I think he's gone now. That was close. Charles, I haven't seen you in a long time.
What? I've never seen you in my life.
??? You don't recognize my sensual curves and delicate frame, Charles Barkley? I was once the talk of the WNBA. Oh, but I suppose that the loose b-ball energies have ravaged my body and time has ravaged your memory.
Ju… Juwanna? Juwannnas Mann? It can't be you. You were one of the first killed in the Purge! What happened to you?
That's what the TVs said. I paid off those lousy reporters with what money I had left and went into hiding down here in Proto Neo New York… What I didn't know was that the b-ball energy levels down here were so high that all who were exposed became…. b-ball mutants.
Juwanna, I had no idea…
Nobody did. Not at first. But that's not even the worst of it.
…the Ghost Dad.
I don't know who he is or where he came from, Charles, but he's terrible. He haunts the streets of Proto Neo New York looking for victims for his sadistic whims. We were already miserable, but before the Ghost Dad, we could at least be miserable in peace.
I'm really sorry, Juwanna Mann, but we're only here because we're on our way to the old Spalding building. We're not here to stay.
Heh, the old Spalding building. Want to relive your past glories, huh? That's a shame , Barkley.
A shame? Why?
Because the old Spalding building's cut off by the fog. Don't even bother trying to stumble through that shit, you'll just get lost and wind up back here. Trust me, we've tried to reach it and… we lost a few men. It's because of the Ghost Dad, Charles. He's causing the mist, and I'm sure if you destroy him you can clear it out. Your only real option is to go into town and accept the hunter quest on the bulletin board to defeat Ghost Dad and clear out the fog.
Bulletin board? Hunter quest? What's all this?
Ask Ramirez. He's standing next to the hunter quest bulletin board and he's an expert. He can get you started out as a monster hunter.
It looks like we've got no other choice. We'll accept the hunt quest and kill Ghost Dad.
Thank you Charles… I mean it. Thank you.
Don't think I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart, Juwanna.

Let's get a feel of this city, starting with house next store-

A strange greenish, man watches incredulously as Barkley and crew enter his home.

??? <cough> … Get away from me.
Suit yourself, chump. See - wait… Do I know you?
??? B…Barkley?
Wildman… You're pale as a ghost now.
I'm ashamed to say we used to jam together… <cough>… I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot the meaning of that word.
Why you gotta say shit like that man? What changed since we last met that would make you think something like that?
Get off your Clispaeth damned high horse Barkley. You killed the only thing that ever meant a damn to me. <cough> You cursed us all, Barkley. You cursed us all.
Charles, there are more pressing issues to address right now. I suggest -
No, Balthios. I gotta sort this out. Look, I know I messed up. I can't change that, but I'll be damned if anyone tries to stop me from making things better.
You make me sick… In fact, you're the very reason I was infected with the negative B-Ball energies. Now, this place is a wasteland. <cough>… B-Ball was always there for you when you needed it most. Where were you when B-Ball needed you most? <cough> … Running like a coward, you pond scum.
You don't know what it's like. You'll never know what it's like.
You're right, I won't. I'd never become the monster you are.
I… I don't know what to tell you.
Hardly surprising… <cough>… You never even had the guts to say you're sorry.

You ain't worth my time. I gots better things to do.

Proto Neo New York is a strange and wonderous place.

You don't have to stare at me, I know I'm a freak. I wasn't always like this. I used to be a pretty handsome guy, kind of like yourself. That all changes once you start living down here, once you start sucking in those b-ball energies. It's everywhere. It's in the air, it's in the ground, it's in the food, it's in the walls. You can't avoid it no matter what you do. It'll get you as long as you're down here and when it does, you start to change. Maybe your hair will get thin and wirey like a net, or maybe you'll grow a b-ball tumor or maybe your hands will turn into whistles. It's different for everyone, but one thing's for sure: as long as you're down here it'll get you.

None of us chose to come down here, we're all victims of circumstance. Some of us might have been running from the law, others because they just didn't fit in up there. It doesn't matter why we're here, what matters is that we're outcasts and none of us can ever go back up. They say there's a doctor up there who can help people look however they want, but could he help a person like me? My hands, my feet…. They're basketballs. We came down here because of shame. If we went back up, it'd only be worse.

It seems the negative b-ball energies can be effectively shielded by the building. Let's see how these fine gentlemen are living.

Welcome to Hundley's Casino.
Huh? Casino?
Why don't you try your luck on one of our games?
I don't see any games-
Our most popular game is called "Bones". Care to play?

It seems the game might be a bit rigged.I lost every game except for one tie.

Lets talk to the guy with the basketball skull. He sells gun's.

And boy does he. We'll take the most expensive one by selling our defunct equipment, and get moving.

High tech, indeed.

Psst, hey I hear you're going to the old Spalding building.
What's it to you, chump?
Gun's… Let me elaborate, I'm what you call a "Gun'sbraster", a collector and aficionado of gun's. In fact, you could go so far as to say that all I care about is gun's.
Get to the point.
Ah, but what is the point…? But enough of my enlightened musings, I am sure you want to know what my extreme love of gun's has to do with you. You see, it has come to my attention that a particular item of note to gun's enthusiasts such as my self is currently inside the old Spalding Building. It's name: The F.I.N.A.L. G.U.N. Some say it was a prototype that Spalding was building before it disappeared in the Purge. Others say it was made by the devil himself. Heh, I don't care. I only care about gun's…
You want us to get this gun for you, huh? What's in it for us?
The knowledge that you have aided the premiere gun'sbraster should be enough to slake your… primitive desire for a reward.
Fuck you, buddy. No deal.
Okay, okay. I'll give you something nice, Something rare and valuable, okay?
That's more like it. We'll get you this… F.I.N.A.L. G.U.N. or whatever.
..anything for gun's.
We'll we've talked to everyone in town, maybe we don't have to do the monster hunter mission-

Nope we gotta do it, let's talk to this Ramirez character.

This your first time at the hunter quest bulletin board kid?
Huh? Yeah, I guess.
Heh, greenhorns. Well I'm sure you got a whole mess of questions just waiting to be answered. That's my job. Ramirez, pleased to meet you. Let's get started on the basics. That's the hunter quest bulletin board. It shows all the hunter quests that are currently available to you. Hunter quests are jobs or missions you can accept that require you to perform a task for someone, usually hunter down a monster. You got that?
Heh, you're not as dumb as you look, kid, but don't let it get to your head. The bright ones are the ones that always think they know everything and do something stupid and I don't want to see that happen to you. You can see more information on a specific hunt by selecting it. You can gauge your hunt's difficulty by its monster grade, which can range from E - weak to S - strong. I'd start with rank E monsters and work your way up if I were you.
But that's not all. Once you accept a hunt, you still have to go and talk to whoever commissioned it. After that, the hunt begins. It sounds a lot more complicated than it really is, but you should try it out. Who knows, if you're smart and know what you're doing, you may end up a real hunter after all.

Oh but before that, there seems to be an old friend here as well.

The Vidcon Manifesto by Pump
1. All vidcons must be released alongside a minimum of FOUR limited edition wall scrolls. The wall scrolls will feature pictures of characters from the vidcon in anime style. The only exception to this rule are sports games, which will not be released with any wall scrolls ( as there is enough sports memorabilia to last its ignorant fans for a lifetime).
2. 2 Only one vidcon per sport can be released a year. For example, there can only be one basketball vidcon, one football vidcon, one baseball vidcon, etc.
3. All vidcons with English voice acting must make Japanese voice acting optional. Furthermore, they must allow for subtitles. "Subs not dubs."
4. All RPGs must strictly adhere to the moe aesthetic ( This may anger some Western RPG vidconners, but I barely consider them vidconners at all.)
5. All vidcons must have a minimm of three beautifully crafted anime cutscenes.
6. All vidcons must be released alongside its full, feature-legnth soundtrack. In order to avoid confusion the soundtrack MUST be called GAMENAME OST (for example Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia OST). It may not have any subtitles (for example Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia Rhapsody of Music Soundtrack). This rule does NOT apply to arranged sound tracks.

Next time, the battle against the Ghost dad, and we begin my favorite section in the game.