The Let's Play Archive

Barkley's Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden

by N.N. Ashe

Part 16: Ghost Dadding the whip

Music- Proto Neo New York

Barkley and crew stand huddled together in front of the town's billboard looking over the names of both monsters and monster hunters:
B-Ball Tailed Scorpion - Rank D Monster:
Commissioned by - Reginald James
Comments- "I can't do any vegetable gardening until this monster leaves my carrot patch alone! Be careful of its poison, it's just dribbling off his tail!"
Accepted By: John Karrigan
Status: Complete

The Gatorade Grenadiers - Rank B Monsters:
Commissioned by- Jonathan Bradley
Comments- "This gang of wild Gatorades somehow got a hold of some heavy weaponry; watch out for their quench cannons!"
Accepted by: Carl Shultz (dead)
James "Rim top" Joyce
Status: Complete

The Commissioner - Rank A Monster
Commissioned by - Anonymous Griswald
Comments "I've had some run ins with this monster recently, and I can't say much about this behemoth. He tends to like sunny rocks during the day, so maybe use Ice magic."
Accepted by: Jasmine "From Downtown" Gutierrez
Status: Complete

Ghost Dad - Rank E Monster
Commissioned by - Juwanna Mann
Comments- "Yuckamundo! The Ghost Dad has been making a real mess of things down here in Proto Neo New York! Help us get rid of him and maybe even the fog on the road to the old Spalding Building will clear up!" - Juwanna Mann
Accepted By: John Karrigan (Dead)
James "Rim top" Joyce Rank (Dead)
Jasmine "From Downtown" Gutierrez (Dead)
Suzanne "She's on fire" Caprice (Dead)
Michael "Field Goal" Calandero (Dead)
Status: Incomplete

Hoopz began to tremble as Charles picked up a pen and wrote in all capital

Music Quest Accept

He turned around and headed for Juwanna Man's house. The party followed.

So you accepted the hunter quest, Barkley? I thought you would. The Ghost Dad's been terrorizing Proto Neo New York for years now. We've been living in its wake and its mercy for too long and it's time something is done about it. Problem is, we're just not cut out for fighting here, so that's why we hired y-

Her explanation is cut short by the now familiar sinister laughter.

Shit, it sounds like he's back.
That's your cue, Barkley. Oh and be careful out there… for me.
Juwanna, you know my heart belongs to Maureen even in death.
She slowly turns around and faces the wall to hide the welling with tears.

I'll do what I can, Juwanna…

Music- Jonathan Taylor Thomas

This is Ghost Dad; he can be a bitch to fight, as some of you have pointed out.
His primary attack does a hundred or so to one character and gives glaucoma,

can spit out a cloud that lowers everyone's speed,

do a dance to give everyone a bunch of status effects,

charge one man for huge damage and a large guard down de-buff

Or strengthen himself with the power of ghosts. We were unprepared for the power of ghosts.

If you go in prepared, there's a pretty fast way to burn him down. So let's rest at the Inn-

Oh right. So after selling a few things and sleeping, we head back into the heat of battle! Three rounds of bullet dancing, double teaming, thunder zuabering, jabs later…

He's… gone Juwanna Mann. Ghost Dad is gone
And so is the fog, Barkley. She edges closer Charles, I want to thank you for-
Juwanna, you know my heart still belongs to Maureen.
But we're both so lonely, you and I. I could make you happy again Charles. We could both be happy.
I'm sorry, Juwanna, but I can't be happy knowing that somewhere out there, someone with the will and ability to perform another Chaos Dunk is alive. I can't sit still while people like B.L.O.OD.M.O.S.E.S. Plot to molest the world.
But… but why Charles? After all the world's done to you.
What's the world done to me that I haven't deserved, Juwanna? I took b-ball for granted and when it was taken away from me, I realized how important it really was. That's why I'm doing this Juwanna. I'm not doing this for me. I'm not doing this for you or Maureen or the world. I'm doing this for Hoopz. I'm doing it so he can grow up in the same world I grew up in, a world where layups got you applause, not arrested. I'm doing this so he can know the same sport I did.
I'm sorry Juwanna, Goodbye.

And indeed we shall, after talking to Ramirez and taking a rest. For free this
time! Since we rid the town of its most deviously handsome enemy.

It looks like you bagged your first monster, kid. I knew you had it in you, but you can't stop there. There are even more hunter quests posted on the bulletin board that you can accept for rare and lucrative rewards. Heh, who knows, maybe you could be a rank S hunter like me some day.

During the night Barkley is visited...

It is I, the Ghost Dad. I have come to haunt you, but also to help you. It is true that I haunted Proto Neo New York but I did it with good intentions. But this is not why I am here. I wanted to thank you for freeing me from my ghastly chains of bondage, for saving me from the hex that I unwittingly placed upon myself years ago. I am finally free to return to the Ghost Domain thanks to you and I am no longer cursed by this dastardly hex. I want to show my appreciated by giving you a power that very few ghosts attain, let alone mortals. It is the precious Ghost Muscle, a skill that fortifies your body with the incredible power of ghosts. I hope you use it as wisely as I did.
"Barkley Learned 'Ghost Muscle'!"

Farewell, Barkley. May my powers aid you on your journey.

Perhaps so Barkley, Perhaps so.

The party heads east and moves into the Spalding waste grounds. The land is littered with tennis balls tubes and human skeletons, this is no place for child of Hoopz's age, but Barkley presses on, doggedly to find the prototype basketball and save the world from itself.

Dear Clispaeth… it's terrible.
After the Purge, all hell broke loose. Any place that was even remotely identified with basketball was ransacked and looted. It's amazing that the place is even standing.
Do you think there's really something in there that can counter the Ultimate B-Ball?
We'll just have to see for ourselves, Barkley. I can only hope…

To the left, there appears to be a man in a suit staring at the party. After craning his neck and checking a small photo in his left hand he approaches saying,


Don't worry, Mr. Barkley. Square-Enix-Goya is not at all concerned with your current legal status. We wish to propose… a business arrangement.
I don't really want to hear it.

It has come to the attention of Square-Enix-Goya that a particular object of interest is within the ruins of the Spalding building, one F.I.N.A.L. G.U.N., a weapon of incredible power and magnitude. We believe that it would be in the best interest of Square-Enix-Goya stockholders and consumers for the company to obtain and replicate this product for mass consumption.
Wait, so you want to sell this thing? Put more gun's out on the streets?

Precisely, and we are willing to pay you 2500 neoshekels to retrieve it for us.
Your shining suit and fine words have convinced me. I will help Square-Enix-Goya any way I can.

One last thing. If a certain gun'sbraster named Mark approaches you about the F.I.N.A.L. G.U.N., ignore him and remember your obligations to Square-Enix-Goya.
Anything to further Square-Enix-Goya's corporate agenda!

Music- Spalding Building

What are these?
They appear to sill be functioning, even after all these years.
Barkley approaches the Red console and poke around a bit
computer Current lift status: inactive. Please insert red key.
Lift Status? Is this a fucking vidcon or something?
It probably means there's a lift somewhere that's not working. We've probably gotta put in the red key to get it moving.
How'd you figure that out, Hoopz?
Vidcons, dad!
We need to get moving, Charles.
Alright. Let's see what we can find in this factory…

Well we have two things already. We've leveled up once since our last hacking attempt.

Not yet. Maybe there's an item in this dungeon that could help our current situation?
There is, perhaps only one medium of art that matches the excellence of vidcons and that is (obviously) visually kei. Combining absolutely exquisite j-rock and j-pop, sprinkled with hints of vidcon melodies, with the pyrotechnic visual flare that the Japanese are known for, visual kei takes its viewers on a rollercoaster ride of lights, fanfare, and music that even Beethoven could tap his toes to. Would that I were Japanese, (though under careful scrutiny, it appears my genealogy tree does in fact show sign of a Japanese presence) I too would participate in this art of the 21st century and even perhaps venture onto the visual kei stage myself. It is no surprise that the impotent minds of Western society cannot fully grasp the total splendor of visual kei and instead choose to squander their time listening to rap and country "music."

Edit: This is why I love Bullet Dance Even Ghost Dad himself is shocked by the sick moves and constant stream of damage.