The Let's Play Archive

Barkley's Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden

by N.N. Ashe

Part 17: Call Me Bananas

Music- Spalding Building (I highly recommend playing this through the update)

Barkley presses forward into the well lit and maintained factory. The lights all on, the walls and floors perfectly kept so signs of the chaos of the cyberpocalypse. It's almost as if, in this factory at least, time stopped.

He hesitated for a moment, and listened to the hum of the machinery around him, there are other noises too. Something or someone is here.

Ah a friendly cleaning droid, that explains why things are so clean. Unfortunately for the party, the second it sees them it charges.

Mech Gatorade fling their mechanical parts, and when relieved of all there metallic parts, suicide attack all party members. They have quite low health so they aren't a threat.

Mutant Ballers are an upgraded version of the named player's we've already seen, same brute type monster with a charge pummel and regen.
Taking the left path they find themselves in one of the offices

And that we shall, infact in the first cabinet, we find a report!

Progress Report :12/30/2039
The prototype's aerodynamics by far surpass anything else ever witness. Our top scientists estimate that in capable hands, the prototype can pass the speed of sound.

Dear Clispaeth… the b-ball that they were working on-
We don't know if it's a basketball, Cyberdwarf. Spalding made a number of balls in their heyday. This could be any number of things. We'll just have to keep going and find out. We're wasting too much time just standing here. We've got to keep going.

There's a ton of places to search. And most get you something like this.

let's get back to searching.

Ugh, that's disgusting.
Do we want to find the key or not?
Whatever, look.
…nope. Nothing here.
The next offices have central computer consoles that still give off a faint glow. As Barkley slowly rummages through another trashcan, Hoopz calls out excitedly from the computer
Hey Dad, there's a .ARWJE file on this computer. It says…
Progress Report: 12/22/2039
We've been experiencing phenomenal results with the prototype. The test subject's slams, jams, and freethrows have all increased by atleast 1,000% each. The performance enhancement capabilities of this ball are tremendous to say the least.

So it's a b-ball…
This ball… it's amazing.
Yes, it sounds incredibly powerful. The benefits it could have provided to society seem limitless. Still, we have to question what it could do in the wrong hands…x

Barkley goes back to his trashcan rummaging and find something.

What the hell is this sticking out of the trashcan?

Got 1 Dwardbane(s)!

Hmm, it's a Dwarfbane. I can use this.

At the very sound of trashcan rummaging, cleaning bots rush to attack the party

Don't be afraid to use SP for all the battles here, the inn is just steps away and the dungeon is set up so you have to go back to the front.

And another progress report!

Progress Report :12/13/2039
The test subject's b-ball glands have shown rapid growth in the past two weeks, increasing by nearly twice in size. His jam output has quadrupled in the last week alone when using the prototype. Still, Dr. Cosby seems skeptical about the recent progress we have made, claiming that we are trying to become the 'gods of b-ball.' Surely he is mistaken.

Gods of b-ball?
With a ball like this, it's no wonder some would be skeptical. Dr. Cosby must surely hold great respect for the rules of the game.
We all have respect for the rules of the game, Charles. It is not about that. I think this… "Dr. Cosby" is more afraid of the destruction this ball is capable of.
I'll keep that in mind. We should move on.

A man? Maybe he's a b-ball treasure hunter that we've been hearing about?

??? Well hello there, you must be the visitors the Master said we'd be expecting!
Someone's expecting us?
??? The Master said he's been expecting you for a while. Must be important business stuff. I don't know what goes on in those fancy meeting rooms, I'm just the janitor. Leonard's the name, pleased to meet you.
What are you doing here? Nobody's here, man.
Leonard Haha, good one! Hey, I've got to get going but if you're going to stick around, make sure you don't make that much noise. I think they're busy on some new prototype b-ball or something. Catch you later!

the lights dim for a moment and when they return, Leonard is gone

What the hell was that?
I'm not really sure. One thing I thought was interesting that he said Spalding was working on a prototype b-ball. Do you think it could be what we're looking for?
I'm more interested in who's been expecting us… We should probably get going.
Yeah, let's go.

More Battlin'. Slam Phantom are pretty interesting enemies. They can heal each the opposing force, increases their already great brain stat, and some nominal attacks. Bullet dance, since it attacks brains, sadly doesn't do much damage.

Bullet dance here, however, does enough damage to bring tears to my eyes. Anyway, let's get back to explorin'

Got 1 BBall Juice(s)!

In the next office, another report
Progress Report: 11/14/2039
The test subject's internal Gatorade levels have risen dramatically. His ability to retain electrolytes is impressive and has even managed to make an impact on Dr. Cosby. There seem to be no negative side effects of the prototype and the Master says that we may have a physical product on the market by mid-2041

2041… the year of the Great B-ball Purge…
This ball would've been out there if it weren't for the Purge. If it weren't for me…
Come on, let's go.

The party makes it way through the offices to a door in the back. Going in, they find themselves in a large room. The computer systems are power down, but there's still a feel of electricity in the air.

Screen on motherfucker.

Nothing. Hmm. Well let's just get this key card then.

Got 1 Red Keycard(s)!

A red key card; this should work on those terminals we saw earlier.
I guess we need to head back to the start.

Barkley and Balthios head towards the door, Hoopz begins to follow but falls onto a console

Hoopz! What's wrong?

Hoopz's eyes close and he slumps onto the console

The prototype performs even better than planned. The test subject's strength, stamina, and speed have all improved remarkably and his skill has increased nearly tenfold.

A slender Sephirothian looking man enters

I agree, this is very incredible but… doesn't this remind you of anything?
Remind me of anything? What do you mean, Doctor Cosby?
The… Space Jam, Davis. Look at all of this. We have created a basketball that not only enhances the physical attributes of the user but also the skills and abilities. Think of the destruction this ball could cause in capable hands. I'm not going to be held responsible if some nobody does a Forbidden dunk in a pickup game and someone gets hurt because of this ball.
That's ridiculous, Doctor Cosby! This ball is not nearly as powerful as the Ultimate B-ball. It is not only completely unfounded for you to compare the two, but it is just plain bananas.
Call me bananas, Davis. I don't give a damn. I'm not going to let anyone get hurt because of a fucking b-ball.

Hoopz begins to notice his father's voice
Hoopz! Are you ok?!
My head hurts, dad.
Something's not right here…
None of this shit adds up. None of it.
Fortunately we found the keycard. Let's go back.