Part 799: Let's Read Warrior: En Garde - Part 9
Let’s Read Warrior: En Garde (part 9)Book 2
Chapter 23
Solaris VII (The Game World)
Rahneshire, Lyran Commonwealth
20 March 3027
Justin and Noton are talking in this scene, Noton commenting on the choice of equipping Yen Lo Wang with an Autocannon/20. They kinda ramble for a bit until the Space Mafia shows up to break Justin’s kneecaps for not throwing the fight like they told him to. Rather than give them a chance, Justin breaks one’s jaw with his Martial Arts (he’s Chinese, you see
) and breaks the other’s elbow. He then pounces on the “little man” who’s the brains behind the muscle and spouts some Chinese at him and tells him to go fuck himself.En Garde posted:
Noton refrained from laughing as Jeff and the bookie dragged the unconscious thug from the room He sputtered a chuckle when the door finally shut behind them, then shook his head. “I thought you said you were shrewed. Now, how was that shrewed?”
[Justin replied] “That will make the Federats here on Solaris more angry. I guarantees me more fights and larger purses. You and I both know that fights here are not combats as much as they are theatrical spectacles. If I’m to fight battles with high purses, I have to be someone that the spectators can either love or hate. Doing things to make the Federats’ blood boil is money in the bank.”
And it’s segments like this that are why I actually like Stackpole. Yes, everyone’s a smug dick, but this is a pretty slick piece of douchebaggery right here. I find it genuinely humorous without being over the top, and both Justin and Noton are likable provided you can forget how Justin set himself up to deliver this chapter’s smug shipment.
They then discuss Kym for a few moments, and Noton takes Justin to Valhalla, that bar where Shang Tsun lives.
Justin’s arrival in Valhalla makes a stir, since both Phillip Capet and Billy Wolfson are there. They’re pissed because Justin’s killed Armstrong (even though he spent a good half of a chapter asking Armstrong to punch out). Justin of course ruins any good will the reader may have for him by mocking Billy Wolfson so furiously that Wolfson challenges him to a fight (which was really the whole idea). They then retreat to a booth.
Noton offers to let Justin view all of Wolfson’s past performances because he just so happens to own a comprehensive library of every Solaris fight ever. They’re just sitting down when someone brings over a wine bottle with a note on it. Noton remarks that “It’s in Capellan.”
No.
No, it’s in Chinese you stupid bastard.
It’s from Tsen Sheng. Surprise. Noton comments that he simply must introduce Justin to Tsen, and Justin agrees once he hears Tsen owns two Heavy `Mechs, since he’ll need a heavy `Mech to take on Phillip Capet. I won’t spoil anything, but this plot point goes nowhere.
Book 2
Chapter 24
Solaris VII (The Game World)
Rahneshire, Lyran Commonwealth
20 March 3027
This chapter is all of a page and a half long. Seriously.
Kym Sorensen is having a coffee in a Café, but she’s really passing SPY INFORMATION to her SPY MASTER in UNKNOWN SPY AGENCY.
Noton witnesses this and just kinda rolls his eyes about it since she’s about as subtle a spy as she is anything else. Read: not subtle at all.
Book 2
Chapter 25
Tharkad
District of Donegal, Lyran Commonwealth
10 April 3027
Hide your underage daughters, Lyran Commonwealth, because Ardan Sortek is here. He bitches silently about how cold Tharkad is, then tells Andrew Redburn to stop fucking with his dress uniform. Andy nearly panics because
We’ve hit the half-way point on En Garde, but the Stackpole is starting to get to me with this chapter; since the very first thing he does after being extremely formal with the Archon is gives Melissa a hug. THEN he looks at her for a while. It’s creepy. It’s also an excuse for Stackpole to describe a character, but I’ll be straight with you I’m pretty sure he’s only given physical descriptions for Kym Sorensen and Melissa Steiner, so… yeah. Still creepy.
Also, I could probably tell you what Mirax Terrik or whatever looks like, but Corran Horn was also never described. In fact, let me try from memory: Athletic, brown hair, high cheekbones, leather jacket, grumpy.
Yeah. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.
Ok, anyway, Ardan Sortek then ratchets up the creepy factor by commenting that Melissa will “Make Hanse Davion very happy.”
For the record? Hanse is 44 or so. Melissa is 18. Actually, no, she’s 17. She’ll have her 18th birthday just in time for the wedding. So yeah.
The dialogue here is also extremely… well. It’s full of Stackpole-isms, which is unfortunate. You see, for all his decent ideas, Michael A. Stackpole has a lot of difficulty writing characters and making the dialogue seem authentic. He’s fine with the military fiction, but good lord the dialogue.
Main Event posted:
Melissa smiled brilliantly. “I miss the time we spent together while you recuperated here, Ardan, but I’m glad you have not again needed my ministrations.” […]
“You’re not alone in either thought,” Ardan admitted quietly.
This is not good dialogue. This isn’t even passable, it’s verbose garbage. I understand he’s trying to make Melissa sound more formal and intelligent, but read that shit out loud. Ardan’s response is the big offender, though. Shakespeare had Hamlet quip: “Brevity is the Soul of Wit”, and he’s entirely correct.
Or, as Stackpole would say: “I am in deep personal agreement with this true fact.”
But no, seriously. This shit’s bad.
En Garde posted:
“Forgive me, Leftenant [Redburn]. I’m afraid I cannot understand how a man so courageous on the battlefield can be so baffled in a social situation.”
Ardan started to answer, but Redburn decided to speak for himself. “I think, Archon-Designate, the difference is that, on a battlefield, if I don’t know what else to do, I can always shoot.” Redburn smiled sheepishly. “That could get very messy in social situations.” The four of them laughed at Andrew’s witticism, which helped to relieve his anxiety.
… Ghk.
The Archon then drops a line about throwing Ardan and Andy to the “Social Wolves” tonight, since they landed late due to weather and the reception in their honor has already begun. She then introduces Ardan to her real daughter.
We then cut to Ardan and the Archon talking with Simon Johnson about the double. Andy isn’t here, and he’s still pretty much in the dark about everything. They talk about the double, and it makes Ardan nervous but we won’t be seeing much more of Ardan Sortek so who gives a shit? Anyway, Melissa then drops the bombshell that Jenna is a `Mechwarrior, but she was too skinny so they trained her to be infantry.
… The fuck?
How does that make any sense?
Melissa then says she doesn’t feel worthy of the sacrifice Jenna is making on her behalf, but Andrew Redburn overhears this and even though he doesn’t have a goddamned clue what the context is, he tries to reassure her by saying she’ll be a great Archon some day but that it’s a hell of a responsibility. Melissa is uncertain since Andrew isn’t talking about the same thing she is, but he offers more and more ‘helpful’ advice and I just can’t bring myself to care about any of it.
En Garde posted:
“Yes, but how do I know I can stand up under the pressure?”
[…] Redburn’s head came up and he winked at Melissa. “I do believe, however, that the only folks who even think about the question are the ones who have what it takes.”
BULLSHIT.
Chapter over. Ugh.
edit: And I have heard from GrayjoyBastard. No details, but he or she is not dead, which is very good to know.