Part 801: Let's Read Warrior: En Garde - Part 11

Let’s Read Warrior: En Garde (part 11)

Book 2
Chapter 29
Pacifica (Chara III)
Isle of Skye, Lyran Commonwealth
15 April 3027

Hey, it’s the Kell Hounds! Yet again they’re sitting on their asses in the GI Joe Headquarters Playset base. And by that I mean we haven’t had a fight in forever so they’re running war games against Ardan Sortek’s Victor (piloted by Patrick Kell). Dan Allard bitches because Patrick tears Dan’s entire light lance a new collective asshole with his AC/20 armed Assault `Mech. In a simulation.

A live simulation with real Battlemechs.

If you don’t see where I’m going with this: Patrick Death From Aboves one of Dan’s lancemates.

In a live simulation with real Battlemechs.

As in not in simulators or anything.

He also shoots Dan’s Valkyrie with a simulated Autocannon shot while it’s jumping, causing the computer to declare him dead and shut off his jump jets causing him to plummet 2-3 stories and take a goddamned pilot hit. Why? Because that’s just the kind of asshole Patrick Kell is. No, seriously.




Anyway, do you remember the Kurita Panther subplot? Wherein House Kurita snuck a company of Panthers onto Pacifica in a move that even Cobra Commander would’ve considered idiotic? Well, guess what, the Kell Hounds know about it. And just like their GI Joe counterparts, they decide to do nothing and let House Kurita do whatever it is they’re planning on.

Oh, and Dan exposits that he doesn’t think the Kuritas are there to invade. They just want to murder the Kell Hounds in their sleep. Since he’s the viewpoint character for the chapter, that means this bit of random speculation is, depressingly, entirely correct. Suck it, Wolf’s Dragoons, House Kurita hated us first!

Anyway, their plotting to get themselves murdered by ninjas stand by and let the Kuritas do what they want stop the Kurita plans on Pacifica are cut short because someone is mustering out—but the Lyran Commonwealth is full of imbeciles and won’t let him do so until after the monthly supply dropship has already left. Their solution to this distraction? Defraud the Lyran Commonwealth!

They set the clocks forward a day and allow the man to muster out one day early.

Oh, and just so you are aware: THIS IS A MAJOR PLOT POINT.

It’s then made painfully obvious because we cut to the Kurita Death Assassin Ninja Panther Force waiting in the swamp and they are planning to launch their attack on the day that the Kell Hounds are skipping forward to in order to PERFECTLY SYNCHRONIZE with Yorinaga Kurita’s as-yet undetected attack!

‘Cause, y’know. Why end a chapter with even as much suspense as your average cliffhanger in Dominic Deegan?



Book 2
Chapter 30
Solaris VII (The Game World)
Rhaneshire, Lyran Commonwealth
20 April 3027

Justin is watching holorecordings of all of Gray Noton’s past fights. You remember Gray, right? He’s the guy who shot Justin’s arm off. Well, it turns out he did precisely the same thing in a gladiator fight on Solaris once and now Justin knows that Gray was the one who shot his arm off.

Justin then joins Gray in a hover limo and the two talk about Justin’s upcoming fight with Billy Wolfson’s Rifleman. The two strategize for a few minutes and because last chapter’s little extremely deadly training exercise wasn’t enough of a fight to keep people interesting, we then cut to Justin powering up Yen Lo Wang to go murder some poor idiot from the Federated Commonwealth. Anyway, he bumps into Billy’s rifleman straight away and Yen Lo Wang’s autocannon decides to jam.

CHAPTER OVER.



Book 2
Chapter 31
Solaris VII (The Game World)
Rhaneshire, Lyran Commonwealth
20 April 3027

Noton and Kym Sorensen are watching Justin fight together when Billy mirrors the same trick Gray Noton used to take Justin out the first time (i.e. reversing its arms to shoot him with guns). Noton then expresses, quite audibly, that he was the one who shot Justin out of his Valkyrie RIGHT IN FRONT OF MII5 (STEALTHY FOX) AGENT KYM SORENSEN. Whom Noton KNOWS is a Davion spy.

Rather than being shot with the Rifleman’s reversed autocannons, Justin donkey punches Billy Wolfson piercing the Rifleman’s rear armor and causing its ammo to blow up. Fight over.

Justin then goes full-on retard and pals around with Gray Noton as if he doesn’t know Gray was his would-be assassin. It’s a bizarre tonal shift and I’m really not sure what it is they were going for. Then the chapter ends.



Book 2
Chapter 31
Solaris VII (The Game World)
Rhaneshire, Lyran Commonwealth
20 April 3027

Kym Sorensen reports to her handlers that Gray Noton was the one who shot Justin out of his Valkyrie, using a Rifleman. She’s then told not to tell Justin but, SURPRISE, he catches her reporting because of Gray Noton, calls her a whore, and beats her up. `Cause y’know, it’s the far future of the Space Eighties and battery of women is just something antiheros do. Chapter over (it was only two pages long).