Part 809: Let's Read: D.R.T. - Part 1
Let’s Read: D.R.T. Part 1: I.S.A. Incredibly Stupid Acronym
Would you believe no good-quality scans exist of this book’s cover? I wonder why. Oh well, let me give you a close-up!
Now just try to tell me your eyes weren’t immediately drawn to Feyd Harkonnen’s crotch and pretend that the cover DOESN’T spoil the book’s ‘climax’
Anyway, D.R.T. is sort of an odd duck. It still stars a smug asshole and his smug asshole friends (and the few members of his own family who can tolerate his presence), but unlike Main Event it has an actual antagonist! I mean, he’s not introduced until Chapter 21, but still! An antagonist! It’s also from the relatively brief era where BattleTech novels got in-novel artwork (by a ‘Rick Harris,’ who’s body of work I was unable to locate), alongside the 17th Recon books, Wolf Pack, Far Country, and pretty much anything that wasn’t written by Stackpole in this time period. So yeah, for popcorn fiction the Battletech novels weren’t exactly low budget.
It’s a pity D.R.T. still sucks.
And yes, in case you’re wondering, D.R.T. is an acronym. A really stupid one. I wasn’t going to spoil it, but the book does that with the teaser text.
D.R.T. posted:
“COMMAND TWO, SWEEP THE REAR!”
Anything coming from behind?” bellowed Rose.
“Affirmative,” Riannon reported. “I’ve got another star moving on our six. They’ll be within range in the next five minutes.”
Rose focused on the fighting in front of him and watched as Hawg and an ambushing Shadow Hawk crumpled into the boulders. Coolant dripped like blood over the boulder that failed to provide cover for the fallen `Mech. A flight of long-range missiles streaked past Rose, and he involuntarily flinched as they exploded behind him. He scanned for the attacker, but the firer had already ducked behind the protection of the boulders.
An enemy `Mech popped up from cover and fired at Esmeralda. As the Clanner’s shot slammed into the Mad Cat, it in turn was skewered by return fire from five different Black Thorn `Mechs. The Clan `Mech fell backwards behind the boulders, but Rose knew the shots had been fatal.
“One cat,” said Hawg, “D.R.T.” None of the Black Thorns responded to the cryptic announcement. After a moment of silence, Hawg came back on the channel. “Dead right there.”
Anyway, the book opens with a picture. It technically opens with a prologue, but it’s generic “life sucks in the 41st millennia!” Black Library-type garbage so it’s forgettably ignorable. So yeah, here’s an X-Treme 1990s picture!
Pew Pew Pew!
So yeah, interpreting that picture Jeremiah Rose, Esmeralda (from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which came out in 1996 just like this book) in combat fatigues, and Hawg are in a shooting range together. Also, in spite of the fact that Rose is the main character, he’s standing in the back looking like a smug asshole while Hawg Han Solos some practice dummies right up front.
So now chapter 1 begins.
Chapter 1
Houston
Borghese, Federated Commonwealth
1 October, 3056
So, this chapter starts off and I already know we’re in for a world of pain because our viewpoint character is Esmeralda, who’s personality could be generously described as “like a worse Ellen Ripley” but which I will describe as “fucking awful.” She pauses to eavesdrop on Jeremiah Fucking Rose and two other people he’s talking to. One of them is Hawg, but the book won’t mention who the third man is for a while.
They’re discussing Sun Tzu Liao of all people, but since Sun Tzu hasn’t really had any motives assigned to him yet, Sun Tzu basically occupies the same “yellow peril” position Max Liao did, except combined with Janos Marik level of “not accomplishing anything.” Unfortunately, aside from tormenting his cousin Kai, Sun Tzu doesn’t get awesome until the 3060s.
Anyway, Esmeralda mentally compliments Hawg’s aim since it’s perfect. Of course it it. Then she spends way too long sperging out about Jeremiah Fucking Rose’s perfectly silent laser pistol because holy shit! It’s awesome! And so, we’re supposed to infer, is Jeremiah Fucking Rose!
Anyway, they’re talking about who to sign on with and Jeremiah of course shoots down the Capellan Confederation (because they’re the bad guys herp derp) and the Free Worlds League (because they’re the Free Worlds League). That leaves the Federated Suns, Rasalhague, and House Kurita… except here’s the problem: The Black Thorns are still on contract in Lyran space and Rose is being extremely picky for a mercenary. Go where the money is, idiot!
But Rose didn’t become a mercenary to make money, he became a Merc to fight the Clans!
And now you may start to understand why BattleTech, like House Kurita before them, had to kill all the mercenaries.
Anyway, Rose also eliminates St. Ives, Tikonov (despite the fact that Tikonov hasn’t existed since the mid 3030s), and any periphery government as employers because, and I fucking quote, “they couldn’t afford us.”
You’re (currently) six or seven living pilots and fifteen or so `Mechs. Fuck you, Jeremiah Rose, you bet your sociopathic ass any government bigger than a single planet can fucking afford you. Anyway, he also discounts Rasalhague because Rasalhague’s leaders have been “totally demoralized” ever since Prince Ragnar refused to let himself be rescued from the Clans. Given that he’s partly responsible for the awesome Ghost Bear Dominion, I don’t blame him.
So yeah, Hawg points out that leaves them the Federated Commonwealth and House Kurita. Rose then shits on the Federated Commonwealth, because reasons? He’s a sociopath, I have no idea what motivates him Oh wait, yes I do. He’s motivated by his desire to hurt people, mitigated only slightly by his Com Star indoctrination. Esmeralda points out that the Great Houses may not want them, even though the Black Thorns have somehow captured something like ten Clan `Mechs. To put that in perspective, at this point in time? It’s rare to salvage even a single Clan `Mech. But since Jeremiah Rose is God made flesh he has a ton of them and because he’s decided the Draconis Combine is going to hire the Black Thorns?
Well, spoilers, but the Draconis Combine hires the Black Thorns.
Jeremiah then spends two to three paragraphs foreshadowing the FedCom civil war to distract everyone from the fact that the reason he doesn’t want to work for the Federated Commonwealth is because his mother got killed fighting for them, and Rose not-so-secretly blames Hanse Davion. I guess.
And now you know the entirety of Jeremiah Rose’s TRAGIC BACKSTORY.
Anyway, Esmeralda (who is no longer the viewpoint character because Jeremiah is in the room) then tells everyone that the reason she came down to interrupt their shooting drills (why are they even drilling? They never miss. Seriously, the talking gets interrupted with some Robin Hood-esque targetshooting and NOBODY EVER MISSES
) to tell Rose that Riannon has arrived on Outreach to start looking for a contract.… Good thing you had the discussion about who you’re willing to accept contracts from (i.e. House Kurita and NOBODY ELSE) with Riannon before she left. It’s a good thing she telepathically knows what Jeremiah Rose’s decisions are going to be the moment he makes them. I’d say that’s Jeremiah Rose’s reverse omniscience: if he knows something, everyone else does too.
Anyway, Rose’s confidence then wavers for a moment as he wonders whether Theodore will take them on.
D.R.T. posted:
“He’ll have us,” said Esmeralda.
“Oh, really?” asked Bell. “And how can you be so sure?”
“If everything we’ve heard about him is true, Theodore Kurita is too smart not to hire a unit as good as the Black Thorns.”
And after that bout of masturbation, Chapter 1 ends. Only 31 to go!
