The Let's Play Archive

Battletech

by PoptartsNinja

Part 815: Let's Read: D.R.T. - Part 7

Let’s Read: D.R.T. Part 7: Here Comes Santa Claus


Jeremiah Rose, 7’10” tall. Dwarfed by Tai-Sa Santa Claus.

Chapter 11
Mercenary Garrison District
Wolcott, Draconis Combine
28 February 3057


It’s been another eight days and Rose is finally checking in with House Kurita. Y’know, the people who are signing his paychecks. We’re first introduced to Chu-i Reiza Myoto, whom I’m certain won’t be a recurring character or anything. She then introduces Rose to Tai-sa Adrian Zimmer, which causes Jeremiah to shit a proverbial brick since Zimmer was his former commanding officer in the Com Guards is responsible for commanding all of the mercenaries on Wolcott.

So. Zimmer, an ex-member of the Com Guards, just happens to now be in a position of authority on one of the most strategically significant worlds in Kurita space. HMMA Blakist says what?

Zimmer immediately wins me over by calling Jeremiah Rose by a nickname he hates (Rosie) and giving him the “bear hug” you see in the picture that started the chapter. And by “bear hug” I keep hoping he’s going to pull a Zangief and throw Rose into the pavement. But he doesn’t.

Rose then gets a jab in by asking Zimmer about his eye, which is prosthetic. Now, for those of you not in the know? Cybernetic eyes are something the Inner Sphere does not have. Only the Clans have medical technology capable of regrowing lost eyes. So, I guess what I’m saying is that there’s no possible way Zimmer could be an extremely early Manei Domini prototype or anything. No way. That’d be crazy, it’s only 3057! Cough cough.

Anyway, Jeremiah Rose is a complete asshole.

D.R.T. posted:

Zimmer touched the side of his face. “Gods(sic)! It’s terrible. The damn thing is never in proper focus, and I get some massive headaches. And until the medics can get that problem solved, they can’t even cover up the artificial cheekbone with synthetic skin.”

“Good!”

“Pardon,” said Zimmer with a suddenly intense stare.

“I see you’ve brought food,” said Rose with a half-smile. “Will this be a long meeting?”

Asshole.

That wasn’t even smooth. That was just an awkward recovery. Rose then gets very petulant about all the people who died on Tukayyid (as a reminder, Rose was sleeping with one of the soldiers under his command because goddamn is he a creepy bastard). He offends Zimmer because Zimmer lost friends too, but Rose is a sociopath and can’t resist throwing lemon juice into a man’s cybernetic eye or something. I’m too tired for good metaphors, sue me.

The bitchfest is interrupted by the most beautiful woman Rose has ever seen (I really wish I’d thought to make a ‘beautiful woman’ counter for this book. Except it’s not necessary since every female character is described as beautiful). She’s a Tai-i but I’ve already forgotten her name. Since she never appears again, I’m really not sure why she was even introduced. Rose immediately pretends to the reader he’s not imagining her naked, but he fails pretty spectacularly. By which I mean he is a sleazy asshole and I will always think the worst of him, especially since he considers what happened the “night before” (8 days ago?) with McCloud to be a “revelation.”

I call it domestic abuse, but hey, tomato. Tomato.

Anyway, Zimmer then asks for the most lucrative contract on the list. Operation White Knight, rescuing… someone from an entire galaxy of the Smoke Jaguars. The pay is so high it’s pretty much a “name your price and we’ll pay it if you can pull this off you crazy bastards,” and apparently Zimmer has another dozen missions just like it.

So yeah, Wolcott is pretty much a series of suicide missions. Rose thinks this is awesome, and he’s in. Please, please send him on a suicide mission. PLEASE.

Please?

Anyway, Zimmer then turns around and treats Rose like the contemptible piece of shit he is. We’re supposed to hate him for this, but he really is Santa Claus! He brought me the best Christmas Gift of all!

D.R.T. posted:

“Take your time selecting, Rose. Maintenance is getting cheaper by the week.” Zimmer was still laughing when Jamshid closed the door.





Chapter 12
Mercenary Garrison District
Wolcott, Draconis Combine
1 March 3057


So yeah. Rose has spent three days (probably not sleeping) pouring over missions. Clan counter-espionage is so godawful that House Kurita knows where every single Clan unit is, down to the names of each individual Star. So yes, that officially makes the Clan Watch even less effective than House Marik’s SAFE, who are pretty good at counter-espionage even if they’re absolute shit at intelligence gathering.

We then learn that Chu-i Myoto has been assigned to Rose as a liaison officer. Which is hardly a surprise, since Rose knew they’d have one, but spends the better part of a page bitching about it anyway. Myoto is ‘competent but clumsy,’ which is code for ‘she’s a shit pilot.’ She also pilots a Grand Dragon.

Rose then storms into the command post, tells one of the officers he’s selected a mission and then demands to know who Chu-i Myoto really is. Fucking hell, she’s a special snowflake noble isn’t she? I thought the advantage of Kurita space was that they didn’t have any of those. Fuck.

Anyway, Rose knows something’s up (which means something’s up), so yeah. I hope you’re ready to get assaulted by pointless backstory for an incidental non-recurring character at some point rather than getting backstory for one of the incidental recurring characters who are awesome (like Badicus O’Shea, Ajax, Badicus O’Shea, Badicus O’Shea, or maybe even Jamshid if you squint at him and pretend he’s Badicus O’Shea).

The Kurita officer then asks about Tukayyid and I’m already zoning out so I’m just going to skip to the next scene rather than put up with Rose’s whining. Anyway, Rose is just about to finalize a contract when he notices the Draconis Combine is providing the transport so he tries to back out only to learn that, after threatening to shoot ISF operatives, Captain McCloud has been blacklisted and can’t transport troops to and slash or from Wolcott anymore.

Hahahahahahaha this is the best Christmas ever. I mean, oh no! That’s a shame.