Part 831: Battlemechs are Awesome commercials sponsored by Defiance Industries - Excalibur

[Annnnnd I just remembered I promised to do this a week ago.]

Crisp, clear three-dimensional picture and twelve-channel surround sound fill the entire room for this one. Unlike the Houses, who play their ads back on the low-definition tri-vid with their low-fi sound systems, ComStar's technology is superior not just in the fields of medicine, manufacturing, communications, computing and physics, but also home theaters.

Peace of Blake be with you all, Initiates. As new members of the Com Guard, it is your sacred duty to protect the blessed Hyper-Pulse Generators and their secrets from the Houses who would seek to destroy the knowledge we have kept, And it is my pleasure to introduce you to one of the finest tools at our disposal to do so.

BattleMechs are Blessedly Superior
Today's Episode: EXC-B* Excalibur



The Excalibur was, like many of the designs fortunate enough to be spared the ravages of the Succession Wars, originally of the forefather of Our Blessed Order, designed by the Star League. Seeking a mobile fire support machine that could keep pace with many of the fast-moving cavalry machines used in their Light Horse regiments, the Star League commissioned Yankee Weapons Systems to design a fast-moving Heavy BattleMech that could provide both direct and indirect fire support.

A 70-ton chassis is powered by a Ford 350 XL engine, providing a maximum movement speed of 86.4 km/h. Unlike the primitive engines used in the Great Houses, though, Our Blessed Order has followed the directives of the Blessed Blake and preserved the knowledge necessary to produce the Extra-Light Engine, providing equal engine power at only half the weight. Unlike most of our advanced hardware, the low heat curve of the Excalibur does not require Our Blessed Order to use advanced double-strength heat sinks. For as it is written in the Book of Blake, "Just because I can do something doesn't mean I have to all the time. Maybe I'm tired of doing it right now. Get off my back."

The primary armament is likewise far beyond what little knowhow the Successor States have managed to preserve. It's most fearsome weapon is the Ingrid Systems Gauss rifle, one of the most devastating weapons of the modern battlefield. With a range of 660 meters and dealing half-again as much damage as a PPC shot, the Gauss rifle only generates as much heat as walking. It accomplishes this using Our Blessed Order's most holy understanding of superconduction and electromagnetism, propelling metal slugs weighing one-eighth of a ton at supersonic speeds. Complimenting this is Ingrid System's LRM-20 with Artemis-IV Flight Control System, increasing the accuracy of all missiles fired, and an automatic, fast-tracking McArthur Anti-Missile System which helps protect from incoming missile fire.

Due to the extreme long range firepower and mobility of the design, it carries only 7.5 tons of armor, an amount deemed acceptable given its ability to dictate range against most targets. As a bonus to its survivability, however, the Excalibur mounts another of the Star League's great lost innovations: Cellular Ammunition Storage Equipment, or CASE. While an ammunition explosion might gut a House machine on a modern battlefield, rendering it entirely unsalvageable and possibly losing precious technology forever, CASE shunts any remaining explosive force out the back of a Mech. While the bulky XL Engine's shielding might be destroyed, the machine itself will remain salvageable, allowing Our Blessed Order to carry out its mission to preserve the Light of Knowledge as the Blessed Blake commanded.

While Excalibur is one of the Com Guard's primary fire support units and a common sight in most heavy, assault, and even some medium-weight Level II formations, it is believed extinct elsewhere, as all its weapon systems, its engine, and its cooling systems all feature advanced technology beyond the Houses' ability to maintain. Therefore, any mention of your awareness of this design's continued existence will result in a disciplinary meeting with your posting's ROM representative.

Thank you for your time, Initiates. Peace of Blake be with you.

ComStar. Yes, we DID hear you say that.