The Let's Play Archive

Birth ME Code

by Mix

Part 55: INTERVIEW: Superbia

BGM: Meridianus

You invade my home, and then you...

We simply need you to answer a few questions...

If you think I'm just gonna fucking do that, you're a real piece of shit! Get out! Where are my damn parents?

You have no choice, so please simmer down and answer the questions. Your parents are cooperating with us.

Do you know who I am? I'm Annie Sansoucy, I'll have you know.

That's the first half of the statement done. Now, if you would please give your occupation too.

I'm sure you wish you were. I'll just note here that you aren't cooperative...

Who will care about that?

The superiors. They'll terminate you promptly.

Terminate? As in, kill?

In a way. You won't have any of this very small freedom anymore, at least.

Fine, then. Fine. Fucking fine! I'm a student. Let's get this shitshow over with...

What is your birthday?

And your favorite color?

Blue. Baby blue, specifically.

Good, we're already making progress.

Fuck off.

I have a few in-depth questions to ask you. If you answer these... eight questions, you'll be put back in and transported elsewhere.

What? Elsewhere? I'm home.

Not yet.

This is home! When we'll be done, just go and leave me alone.

I can't do that.

Why are you like this?

What is your obsession with me? And what do you mean, “like this”? Like what? The best? Yes, I know many would like to understand just where my perfection comes from, but I really don't have the time to painstakingly explain my entire life from my birth onwards. You'll have to be content with just this, then.

Natural order, really.

Very good. We have one question down already.

That was a question? Ah, fucking hell!

Have you ever done any cheerleading before, or is this outfit just for show?

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't wear this if I wasn't the head of the cheerleading team. It's not too bad, but I look better than this, trust me. Yeah, I've done cheerleading. I don't look like it, but I'm a very good actress. I can easily cheer for a team of dumb fucks who can't think with anything but their muscles and their dick.

I'm cheering for them, but the only reason the match exists is so everyone looks up to me, and wishes they were me, of course.

And yet, you claimed those clothes weren't flattering enough.

Damn right, but I'm not going to cheerlead in a hot dress.

Anyway, speaking of dresses, are you interested in fashion?

I'm not interested in fashion. Fashion is interested in me. Wherever I go, I set new trends simply by existing. What I wear becomes the highlight of the moment. I've got dresses of all kinds, and I even have a bunch prepared for the future. Give it a few years, I'll fit into some that would make your jaw drop and your eyes roll out of your sockets.

I even have gold-laced white clothing straight from the Greek pantheon to name only a few. Athena herself will be jealous of me after I fill it out.

Athena doesn't exist- she's a mythical figure.

Even better. Fiction will be in awe, too.

Many consider this trait of yours a negative. What's your situation with your boyfriend? They believe it to be bad for him.

Are you kidding? I'm the best thing that's happened to him, ever. He was out in the streets before, you know? Now, he can eat. If I wasn't with him, he wouldn't even be in school. Now, he gets to be my arm candy as I parade around my cohort of dumb, giggling servants. Think of it what you will, but my relations hip with him is something he wouldn't want to give up for anything in the world.

I have proof to the contrary. What is he, even, in your eyes?

He doesn't have a brain. All the better, anyway. I'm the thinker, he's the muscle. There's no reason for me to lower m yself to his standards. I'm the standards he can't get, and a guy like him can do nothing but accept this and relish in what I give him. I already told you, right? I'm perfect. It's only natural that I step all over who I damn well please, and if it happens to be him too, then so be it. He'll love it, even. Just like all those disgusting perverts out there.

Let's change the subject to something a little less narcissistic. Someone else apparently sent this as a joke: they asked if you could be their waifu.

:froggonk: kill meeeeeee

Is that some kind of weeaboo thing?

What's a weeaboo?

Never mind. Just... just explain.

It's a corruption of the word “wife”, which is when you call a character you enjoy from a show or another your “waifu”. There's also a term for men, “husbando”. Neither of which are creepy or anything.

Oh, I see. Yeah, it's not weird at all. What the fuck?! Of course it's fucking weird! Do you ask that to every girl you meet?!

They should already know I'm dating someone. That sounds so immensely pathetic. They're probably a big loser who can't get a girlfriend.

I'm not like one of those anime girls you love so much. I'm an actual, bona fide, honest-to-goodness human being.

Debatable, but continue.

The point is, maybe you're interested in girls who exist only for their tits, but I'm better than that. I'm leagues above. You wish you-

Alright, try not to insult them too much, or our funding is going to suffer. Anyway, let's move onto the next question.

I wasn't done!

What's the most annoying thing adults do, in your opinion?

That. Yes, what you just did was the most annoying thing adults do. Deviating the questions. Changing the subject. They do this all the time.

If a little discomfort is going to hurt your little brain, you're not gonna make it far. You're an adult, for fuck's sake. Stop telling me not to worry about something if it's worrying me with due reason. And stop avoiding the topic of where all our money is going.

Alright, alright, that's enough. Speaking of your parents...

Who said I was talking about them?

I sort of guessed. If you were up against one of them in a Prisoner's Dilemma game, what would you choose: ally or betray?

What the hell is a Prisoner's Dilemma?

I'll keep it simple.

If both of them say nothing, it'll be hard to figure out who did it, so they'll both serve prison for only one year. That's “ally”. However, if one of them decides to tell on the other, they'll get away scot-free due to a deal with the police. The other suspect will eat prison pudding for six years, though, but that won't be the traitor's problem.

Twelve whole years. Obviously, they want to avoid the outcome where both tell on each other. There are four outcomes: both clam up and serve one year one tells on the other and gets away, one gets told on and serves six years, and both tell on each other... which makes them serve twelve years each.

Okay, I think I get it. You're asking me if I'm gonna ally or betray knowing all that, right?

And your opponent is one of your parents.

Weighing all that, I'm gonna say... betray. I know these self-centered assholes will pick betray at the smallest chance they can avoid prison at all. And anyone who picks ally is stupid.

Why? The outcome where everyone serves one year is only two years total of time wasted, while all other outcomes are six or twenty-four, which is the worst possible waste of time.

I don't have a choice, anyway. I know they'd pick betray; they aren't stupid, so that's the choice they'll make. And I'm not letting them get away with it.

And that's it for the questions.

Unfortunately, we can't really let you do that.

And why not? I answered all your stupid questions!

Well... Let's just say you've picked betray in the past, and someone else picked betray too, so you're both in prison now.

That's stupid! That's fucking stupid! You won't get me like that!

This one was messy, but it was inevitable. Anyway, interview over. Any further questions will be declined. Log complete.