The Let's Play Archive

BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger

by Party Bug

Part 18: Tao: Story 06

Welcome back to Let's Play Taokaka's Choose Your Own Nonsensical Adventure Forever. Today we will be eating a meat bun.

Actually, I've been wondering about that, meow! Fluffy, soft, and full of meat... It looks delicious, meow.
Meat bun...? You mean this?
Ouch! Please don't pull my cheek, Princess. It hurts! You'll tear it!
Ohhh! That's the one, meow! Tao is super hungry neow!
E-Eek! Are you trying to eat me!? You gotta be kidding! I'm no meat bun!
I'll just dive right in!

It's pretty quick for a meat bun. I can't believe I let it get away, meow!
Princess! Help! Ack!
Meow! I won't let you get away this time, meow!
Hahahaha. I laughed so much, my stomach's cramping. Gii, if you keep that up, I think you can lose a couple sizes!
It did look like excellent exercise. You have been putting on some weight lately, Gii. Perhaps a little more of that would do you good.
How can you two just sit there and do nothing!? I was seriously about to be eaten back there!
Hmm...perhaps that wouldn't be such a terrible thing... The castle would be much more peaceful...
...But I don't know how I could cope without a servant to take care of the chores. I'm not made for coarse work, you know.
Rachel is the 1%. Or I guess really the 100% in terms of vampires that exist.
Wait for me, buns!

This will take but a moment, Nago.
Huh? "A moment"...? Wait, why are you closing me, Princess?

Rachel shut Nago daintily and adjusted her posture importantly.

One, two...



Phew, that was close. Thank you so much, Princess!
Ah, it was nothing. I'll simply see to it that you repay me a hundred--no, a thousand fold. That should be sufficient.
Y-You're kidding, right...?
Ow ow ow ow ow... Gii's the bat, not me! ...No pun intended. That aside... Princess, where did YOU learn that kind of dangerous foreplay? I don't think that cat will bother us anymore...
I am kinda worried for her, though...
You're more masochistic than I though... The prey sympathizing with the predator...
Well, I doubt that she's injured at all from this.
That girl...did you know her, Princess?
Hehe...maybe. I'm kind of tired of walking around outside. Why don't we go back to the castle and have a cup of tea?


Taokaka shot down from the sky like a meteor, buried herself headfirst into the ground, throwing up a huge cloud of dirt. After a few minutes of struggling, she managed to pull her head out of the dirt, blinking at the light.

Wh-What the heck was that, meow? What just happened to Tao, meow?

She had already forgotten meeting Rachel--and why she'd been falling in the first place--but she didn't care very much. That was just the kind of person Taokaka was.

Oh, well. I wonder if there's anything fun to do around here.


Meow, meow, meow, meow, what's that, meow!?

oh christ what's going on now
Wh-What a creepy-looking dude! Too creepy, meow!
Tager will eliminate you.
Right back at you, meow!

Courtesy again of the BBVlog, RinHara5aki playing Tao. He's about the only Tao I've watched regularly.

This the CS2 matchup. Before Tager was good (). Obviously, this is a bad match for Tager. Taokaka just has to avoid flying into any supers or atomic coliders and she can basically mix him up all day. Her speed and focus on the air make her hard for Tager to deal with.

That's right, meow! Tao won!

Taokaka had defeated Mecha-Tager, but her battle had only just begun...suddenly dozens of new enemies swarmed out of nowhere, surrounding Taokaka!

What neow!?

Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao!
i don't even

Taokaka was confused... All of these new enemies looked like robot versions of her! Before she could decide what to do, all of them jumped her at once!

Meow!? I'm sure we can all talk it out, Since we're all Tao, meow!
Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao!
Why do you keep saying, "Tao"? You're not making any sense! Talk like Taokaka, meow!
Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao!
Sooo!? What the heck do you want from Tao, meow!?

One of the machines approached Taokaka tentatively. She began to hope that maybe the things were friendly, when it gave her a good smack on the head.

Ouch! You want a piece of me, meow!? All right. Bring it on! Whenever you're ready, meow!

Twice the Tao!

Unlimited Taokaka gets 4 jumps, and her standard drive moves have been changed into a delayed, super-charged attack that'll deal tons of damage. Also her specials have been beffed up, and she gets two brand new distortions.

Meooooooow! Tao is the strongest, meow! I won't be defeated by a fake, meow!

Taokaka had no trouble defeating Mecha-Kaka after Mecha-Kaka, but her winning streak went to her head, and she failed to notice a single robot she'd failed to destroy...

The last surviving Mecha-Kaka started to shake and sputter... Something was about to happen...

Ready for the final attack, meow! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Huh? There's one left--
0. Kaboom! Meow!

Meooooooow! Everything was blown awaaaaaay!

Taokaka leapt to her feet. She thought she'd been blown away by the explosion of the last Mecha-Kaka, but there wasn't any sign of an explosion...had it all been just a dream?

Wh-Wh-Wh-What the--!? Why must you scream for no reason!

Taokaka spun around and saw the man who had just yelled at her. He was dirty and sweaty and...gross.

Ugh, this guy.

Who are you, old guy?
O-Old guy...? But, I'm not that old-- Ugh... Forget it. My name is Bang Shishigami! I'm the vigilante who serves in the name of love and justice! And protector of Kagutsuchi!
So, what do you want from me, scruffy old man?
I don't know how you came to the conclusion I am "scruffy" from that conversation...but I am a generous man... I won't get mad for something as petty as that...I found you lying unconscious there. Are you hurt?
Am I hurt? No, I'm nyot. Look at me! I'm as good as mew!
Hmm, that's good to hear. By the way, you don't look like you're from around here. What's your name? Where did you come from?

YOU'RE KILLING ME TAO. Explain or Fuck it let's get more food.