Part 57: Chapter Forty Three: Fat PrincessMusic: 27 Breath of Fire
See that? That is the image of me walking away from Highfort. It makes me feel warm inside.
God bless you, Tapeta.
Music: 14 Crazy Dance
I use the nearby Dragon Statue to switch the party around. It now consists of Ryu, Lin, Aspara and Rand.
: Okay, now that we have the Masters Flute we should be able to talk to these loons.
We can indeed talk to the people here now, although they only say the same three things:
-That the Queen is a stuck-up brat.
-That they used to be a chef in the palace before the Queen got tired of their cooking and kicked them out.
-Gaping in wonder that you have the Masters Flute.
: The flowers here tell me that the Therapy Pillow is somewhere inside the palace.
: So what, are we just going to barge in and demand they fork over this pillow whatsit?
: Its worked out for us pretty well so far.
: Sounds good to me!
There are a number of interesting things in the palace.
This Highlander is called Farlan, and hes another potential tenant for Township. Hes bored of his job here and offers to come and work for you as a town guard. In practice this means hell laze around doing nothing at all.
: Huh. This is a pretty big kitchen.
: And theyve hired chefs from Fort Nageur. Someone in the palace must have a taste for gourmet dishes.
: Hmm. It seems Her Majesty is currently unavailable.
: Then I guess well just have to look around until we find her.
: Another case for Ace Detective Lin! This time its The Mystery of Maledios Missing Monarch!
: Dont you mean Melodia?
: My god, its a hambeast.
: I-is this natural, or ?
: Shes almost as big as me
: Im going to talk to the old crone now.
: Uh okay. I mean, youd have to be blind not to see the problem, but
: Oh, okay then. Now I know Im the universes errand boy.
: You mean you didnt before?
: I had a faint thread of hope that has now been brutally severed. Anyway, how are we going to help the Queen? The old biddy just told us to do it without any advice at all.
: Uh, well, if youre fat and you want to get thin you should go on one of those thingies uh wait a sec, itll come to me um a diet! Yeah, thats it!
: The flowers here speak of a Diet Wizard called Gedd who used to tend to the Queen. Let us ask about what became of him.
: Okay then. Time to go island hopping I guess.
Music: 11 Its a Whale
This is the island in question. Its to the northwest of Newhaven, so its not too difficult to find.
This place is called Mt. Maori. You will probably notice that there are a number of wooden poles that Sten can use to swing across. Following the path with him in the party will lead to a series of small caves containing a Thorn Whip, a Panacea, a Flame Sword, a Flame Shield, Magma Armour and a Moon Drop.
The summit of the mountain is festooned with mushrooms. This place will be important fairly soon.
Music: 04 Dungeon
The first cave doesnt require Sten to get to. If the party isnt tough enough to fight on Giant Island, this is another great grinding spot due to the healing fountain. Speaking of the monsters here, lets have a little look at them.
Gangas are pretty resilient and tend to come in pairs. They like to Defend and make you waste your attacks, and they can also cast Quake to deal 30+ damage to your entire team.
Dionaeas have the ability to charge their moves and guarantee a critical hit. Luckily theyre quite slow and go down in two or three hits.
Beckonshrooms can be very annoying. They can inflict both poison and zombie on your party members, neither of which are very pleasant. Since were right next to a healing fountain its nothing to worry about, but actually going through the other caves is a pain when these guys show up.
Meet the Atlases. Atlases have a variant on the critical or nothing gimmick, that being that every single hit of theirs is a critical hit. Since they lack the accuracy drawback these guys can quickly ruin your day so its best to just nuke them with a Dragon attack and refill your AP at the fountain afterwards.
Anyway, lets get moving.
: Funnily enough, we do. First of all are you the man called Gedd? And second of all, if you are, will you help us out with something?
: But if theres a pretty lady amongst yerselves, I can chew the fat with ya all night!
: *Sigh* Hes one of those sorts of people, huh
: I do not understand why would a female encourage him to speak?
: Ill explain later, Aspara. Anyway, Lin? Be ready to do what comes naturally.
: I dont get it, but okay!
: *Sniff* *Sniff* Hey, and she smells nice, too! You must be here for my world famous services as a Diet Wizard!
: Uh well
: Uh well, ya see theres actually this really fat girl who needs your help I mean, -really- super fat. What did Ryu call her, again? Oh, a hambeast, thats right.
: Well, why didnt you say so? You, my friends, are looking at the worlds foremost expert in Diet Magic!
: The Queen of Medialo. No, wait thats not right The Queen of Molidea? Argh, thats not it either Uh big island. Full of flutey people. With flutes. Queen. There. Really freakin fat. Blarg.
: M-M-M-M-M-Melodia? You did say Melodia, did you not?
: Thats the one!
: Thats thats the place that hateful woman had me exiled from
: Here it comes.
: But I might be open to a compromise
: How about it, miss? You, me and a wild night of passion! Itll be spectacular!
: What a creep.
: You freak! You old, creepy, wrinkly, smelly creep!
Repeat twice more
Repeat twice more again
: Ill go to Melodia, no questions asked! Just get that stick away from me!
: Hmph. Be sure to keep your hands to yourself, creep.
: My unparalleled skill can turn mountains of flab into skinny little pencils with just a modicum of effort! Lets get going!
If Nina speaks to Gedd instead of Lin, the scene is the exact same up until the wizard starts talking about wild passion.
: You know, youre cute when youre murderously enraged D-dont get the wrong idea, though!
: There, Ive had my fun for now. Shall we be going?
And from there the scene is exactly the same.
---Alternate Scene End---
Overall I think Lins version is far more amusing. Next time well be returning to Melodia in order to trim some of the fat off its morbidly obese Queen.