The Let's Play Archive

Buck Rogers: Countdown to Doomsday

by Vexation

Part 17: Viva La Doomsday!

Part 15: Viva La Doomsday!

: We know by going after Asha the and put the whole operation, and Earth itself at risk. We've talked it over and we decided that it is in the best interest of NEO that we offer our resignation.

: Oh is that all? I didn't even notice. Back to the business at hand.

: Wait, that's it? We disobeyed a directed order. Shouldn't there be some sort of disciplinary action?

: Nah it's fine.

: Is there something you're not telling us commander?

: ... Of course not, everything is just fine.

: Spill it!

: ... Ok look, I'm going to be honest with you. The reason I can't let you go is because you're all that I have.

: All you have? What do you mean?

: I mean that besides agent Wilma you're team is the only resource we have available.

: But this station, all these troops-

: Lies, all lies! This place used to fish cannery and all these people I just picked up off the street. It worked well for years and I was rolling in cash but then these RAM jerks came along and things started to fall apart.

: How about Buck Rogers?

: The real Captain Rogers died from syphilis years ago. I found that sponsors wanted a big name they could get behind so I found a look-a-like on the gay model circuit, bleached his teeth and hair and then squeezed him into a pair of leather space pants.

: ... This is all too much. I think we'd better be going now.

: Do you know how many defense contracts I have with the Earth government? If I let the planet get blown up by RAM my creditors will eat me alive! Please I'm begging you!


: Well guys what do you figure?

: I say we set course for some nice tropical asteroid and never look back.

: But we don't we have a duty to all the people of Earth?

: Screw 'em. I never liked that place anyway.

: I'm all for saying to hell with this NEO crap but a part of me just can't let those RAM assholes win. So I say we go over there and give them one last beating for old times sake.

: You've got a point there... Fine we'll do this on last mission and then we're done.

: Damn that's bright.

: Well there she is. I wonder what types of unimaginable horrors await us this time?

: Hopefully these key codes we found on the RAM genetics lab are still active.

: Good luck gentlemen.

: Did anyone understand any of what we just did?

: No.

: Good then it's just not me.

: Back at you.

: Wilma! Quick there's something you need to know about NEO.

: That it's a tax shelter ran by a bald,

: Wait, you knew?

: Of course.

: Then why did you stick around?

: Sure it's a crummy gig but it's still protecting the planet so I will do my best damn it!

: ... I guess we'd best be going then.

: The security gates will detect you immediately, so head to the left.
There should be some unwatched airshafts or maintenance corridors
somewhere. Near the end of the Rue de Sol there should be an unguarded
entrance to the Core. The Core is the only route I know to reach the
Doomsday Laser.

: Get up there and destroy the laser before it fires on Earth. We'll
keep them busy down here. Good Luck.

: Yoink.

: Hey that's my line.

: Wait, is that a tacky gift store?

: Maybe it's just a front, let's check it out.

: Ok, this is freaking me out. Let's go.

: I'm not leaving until this bastard quits trying to stare me down.


: We've been wandering around for hours and we've found nothing but tacky gift stores.

: Well we'd better come up with a plan soon as the laser is scheduled to fire at any time now.

: Oh excuse me sir.

: What's the password?

: Umm, 'Two if by Sea'?

: Meh, close enough.

: Dancers?

: Go into the Bazaar and find the door to the old maintenance shaft.
Then blend into the parade going down the Rue de Sol, until you reach
HoIst Plaza. Go across the plaza, down the corridor and into the Core.
Our fearless leader waits there for you. Viva le Mercure!

: Uh yeah, Viva viva!

: This appears to be the Bazaar the old man was talking about.

: Let hurry and find that service tunnel. It smells like cheese in here.

: Nothing but dusty garbage that was crap when it was new.

: I don't know, some of this stuff is kind of neat.

: Champions of Krynn... Pool of Radiance... Savage Frontier... Yeah your right it is all trash.

: Hey guys we have a locked door here. Shall I break it down?

: Go for it.

: Bingo.

: Ok guys, you guys ready for whatever horrors await us on the other side of this door?

: Check.

: Bring it on!

: Ok brace yourselves...


: Oh... my... god...

: My eyes! They burn!

: We would really rather not--

: Common it's carnival! Everyone wears one! Here let me put it on you.

I need an adult.

: Oh god!

: Everyone join hands so we don't get separated!

: I'll take my chances!

: Nothing here but freaks. Let's go.


: There's the exit! Our only chance to make it is to push on through or we're doomed!

: I can't there's too many of them! Leave me and go on

: *pant* Oh god that was horrible. Let me out of these damn fruity costumes.

: I never thought I would say it but I think I prefer the horrible mutants.

: I was touched in places no man should ever be touched. 

: We shall never speak of this again. Agreed?

: Agreed.

: Well there's the core. At least the man wasn't lying.

: Let's just go to the top and get this over with so I can go home and take a shower.

: Crap.

: Those don't look friendly.

: Head back down!

: Well that was a bust. What now?

: I guess we should explore a little around here and see if we can find a
way past those lasers.

: Who the hell is the "Sun King"?

: I don't know, but didn't that creepy guy say something about his leader? Maybe this is him.

: I don't know...

: Well we've got nothing else so let's go pay him a visit.

: I've got a bad feeling about this...

Trumpets blare as you are led into the audience chamber of the Sun
King. Your heavy armor leaves deep footprints in the purple velvet
carpeting extending between you and the Sun King.

On either side of the room are benches, pillows and lounges on which
the members of the royal court are seated.

The court members wear outlandish costumes from the French and American
revolutions, although attire from many other cultures and time periods
is present. The overall effect is one of an extremely wealthy costume
ball, complete with peacock feathers and clouds of incense.

The Sun King himself wears a long powdered wig and waves a tiny French
flag. His golden throne sits atop a dais near the rear wall, and two
huge silver statues of swans wave mechanized ostrich feather fans in
their bills on either side of him.

The occupants of the room fall silent as the Sun King prepares to
address the team...

: I'm scared.

: We all are Rick, we all are.

: Uh, oui?

: What's he saying?

: No clue, just keep saying yes.

: Uh, oui?

: Oui!

: Great, just something about those lasers in the core tunnel and we'll get right on it.

: Why the hurry amis? The party has just started.

: Uh, we'd love to but we really need to be going.

: Nonsense, we'll have a bon time!

: Look we said no alright?

: Ooh feisty. I like that in my servants.


: And don't forget that I will be keeping a close eye on you. Especially you, mon petit oiseau.


: Let's get the hell away from here. Ahh!

: Just a little pinch for good luck. Bon voyage.


: Whatever, just make sure those lasers are down.

: Whew.

: Ok guys this is it. After this there won't be any turning back. Is everyone ok with that?

: I'd rather die than go back there.

: Ok then it's settled. Let's rock.

: It sounds like we are getting close.

: As you can see it is very deadly. In fact at the temperatures it emits the water molecules in flesh instantly-

: Not helping Scot!

: Oh yes, of course.

: No power, no boom. Check.

: Ok everyone heard the magic man, let's boogey!

: Oh god, not another countdown.

: It's like some sort of Countdown to Doomsday.

: ...

: ...

: ...

: ...

: What in the blue hell possessed you to say something so goddamn stupid like that?

: I haven't said anything for awhile. Sorry...

: Well stop it.


: We already wasted 20 seconds.

: Well there's no point in being sneaky anymore. Let's hurry!

: There it is!

: Stand back while I cut the power.

: Are you sure about this?

: I know a thing or two about circuit breakers. Trust me.

: Son of a Bitch!


: At least it worked. Now we have to get up to the gun before they figure out what's going on.

: *zzt* How is my laser coming confreres? *zzt*

: We're working on it. God damn leave us alone.

: Holy crap it actually worked.

: If for some god forsaken reason we ever go back to Venus, remind me to thank that scaly bastard Landon.

: Huh, Looks like everyone cleared out when we blew the power.

: Ok let's shut this damn thing down for good.

: Finally someone I can legally hit.

: I've had enough of these goddamn robots!

: What are you doing?!

: See you in hell you metallic bastards!

: Ok it's rigged to blow.

: Cheese it!

: You want some of this too?!

: Ah!

: Oh god, calm down before you kill us all.

: It's a risk I'm willing to take.

: Fat chance mon frere.

: Good, go and cry to him and tell him to come up here himself so I can blow him up too!

: Uh gentlemen, I believe it's time that we thought about getting out of here.

: Good idea. Let's go!

: We exactly are we supposed to be going? Our ship is docked all the way at the bottom of the station, we'll never make it.

: Oh right... This is bad.

: *zzt* You broke my heart coquette and now I'm afraid you must die!. But c'est la vie. Adieu. *zzt*

: I can't take this any more!

: Die you cheese eaters!

: Escape pods, we're saved!

: How about this one?

: Who cares, as long as it can get us off this death station.

: Oh no it's locked.

: Stand back I've got it covered.

: Just like you had that power panel covered?

: Hey it worked didn't it?

: Crap.

: Bravo.

: Quick in here!

: Half a minute until we're toast.

: Scot! I never thought I'd ever be happy to see your wrinkly old face.

:patiot: : Do whatever you have to do just please hurry!

: Scot I'd kiss you if you had lips.

: Uh, I'm honored... I think.

: Why do we always cut these things so close?

: Hurry up you stupid door!

: Put the pedal to the floor!

: It's an escape pod it doesn't have a pedal!

: Well do something!


: we're alive... We're alive! Oh god we did it!

: Yeah!


: How did you get into our ship anyway?

: Next time don't leave the keys in it.

: Right.

: Does that mean you will you go out with me later then?

: Maybe. Also why do you have the smell of a 40 year old drag queen on you?


: This should be good.

: Just stop right there chief. I think it's safe to say that we have fulfilled our contract in full. So come morning we are out of here. Oh and we're taking the ship as back pay.


: Save it slick, we know all about you. Now please get out of the way as we have some serious partying to take care of.

: ...

: Ok everyone let's hit the bar. The drinks are on NEO!

: Huzzah!

: Well it looks like it's back to working the streets for me... Oh well I had a good run.

: And as for all of you out there, I hope you enjoyed this little space opera of ours. May the stars always shine down on you. Adios.