Part 17
Jesus Christ, this is taking a long time to write up. Almost as long as the trip itself. Suffice it to say: I arrived in Toronto at 1:15, and it was about 2:30 by the time I got to my hotel.quote:
>go to train station
Are you sure? You have a funny feeling you're forgetting something.
>look in suitcase
All packed up. Looks like everything's there.
>count underwear
One, two, three - yep, you've got enough.
>go to train station
Okay.
Halfway there you remember that you forgot to post the Bureaucracy update.
Your blood pressure just went up.
>girlfriend, I forgot to post the Bureaucracy update
"Don't worry about it - you can find a wifi café when we get to Toronto. Just hurry up or we'll miss the train!"
>look at watch
It's 4:30. Your train should begin boarding any minute for its 5:00 departure.
An announcement is coming over the P.A. system: "VIA Rail train 46 to Drummondville, Oshawa, Toronto and Oakville is now boarding at platform 17."
>get on train
You take your seats. It's much more cramped than the one you were on earlier this week. You realize you've been spoiled.
An announcement is coming over the P.A. system: "Due to a freight train derailment near Pickering, this train will be stopping at Oshawa. There will be busses provided to take you the rest of the way to Toronto and Oakville. However, this will cause some delay."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>look at ticket
The train is scheduled to leave at 5:00 and arrive in Toronto at 9:15.
>look at watch
It's 5:00.
Right on time, the train pulls out.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train stops briefly at Drummondville, crosses the Quebec border, and travels through Ontario for a few hours.
You begin to get a cramp. Your girlfriend looks bored.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train rolls to a halt. "We are now approaching Oshawa. We'll have to wait here while two other trains ahead of us stop and unload passengers, then we will pull into the station. You will be asked to remain on the train until your busses arrive. We aren't sure how long this will be."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A. "There is now one more train in front of us, after which we will have to make a Y in order to enter the Oshawa station. We estimate another 30 minutes, after which you will have to wait for the busses to arrive. We aren't sure how long this will be."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train begins to roll backwards. After a while, it stops and begins to roll forwards.
>look out window
You see the Oshawa train station. There is a GO Transit (Toronto area commuter) train parked in the station.
>girlfriend, they should just put us on the GO train instead of waiting for busses
She ignores you. She is listening to her iPod.
>collect luggage
You pack up all the books and packs of cards and things that got scattered around your seat.
>put on boots
You put your boots back on. You're ready to get off the train as soon as it stops.
>z
The train rolls to a halt. An announcement comes over the P.A. "Good news - you can exit the train immediately. There is a GO train waiting for you on the next track. They are already late because they are waiting for us, so you have exactly 2 minutes to collect all your luggage and get on the train."
>stand up
You get up.
Everyone else on the train stands up and begins to slowly collect their luggage and put their boots on.
Your blood pressure just went up.
>get off train
You can't. There are people in the way.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The rest of the passengers slowly shuffle off the train.
>get off train
You step down into the Oshawa train yard.
>get on train
Which do you mean, the VIA train or the GO train?
>go train
You get on the GO train. It looks more like a subway care. There's no space for your luggage.
>sit down
You squeeze your luggage between the seats, and squeeze your legs between the luggage. They fall asleep instantly.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "Now leaving Oshawa station. Next stop: Whitby. Stand away from the door."
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train starts moving. A few minutes later it stops.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "Now arriving at Whitby station. Whitby."
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "Sorry folks, we just have to wait for another train to pass. We'll get moving again within 5 minutes."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "Well, it never rains but it pours. We're having trouble with a switch up ahead - we've got maintenance people looking at it, and we'll get moving again as soon as it's fixed. It shouldn't be more than 3 or 4 minutes."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "We're still having trouble with the switch, but we do have people out looking at it, and we'll keep you updated. We should be moving in another 5 minutes."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "Ok! We've got the switch fixed. Now we just have to drive up to it, get out and flip the switch manually. It shouldn't take more than about 5 minutes."
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train doesn't move.
Your blood pressure just went up.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train drives forward a little bit and then stops.
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train waits for just a few minutes and starts up again. You're moving! You're finally moving!
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
The train rolls about 100 feet and then stops. "Now arriving at Ajax station. Ajax."
>z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z
Time passes.
An announcement is coming over the P.A.: "You're not gonna believe this, folks, but we're waiting on a rail signal ahead. We'll just have to wait here until we receive the signal. It shouldn't be more than 5 minutes."
Your blood pressure just went up.
>look at route map
The stations on the GO line are: Oshawa, Whitby, Ajax, Pickering, Rouge Hill, Guildwood, Eglinton, Scarborough, Danforth, Union Station. That's where you get off.
Your blood pressure just went up.
But now that I'm here, I can update again!
To figure out which order to type PRINTB, PRINTC, PRINTD and PRINTE, we need to remember which order we picked up all the mail. Fortunately, it's not random - no matter which order you visit the houses you find the Popular Paranoia magazine, with its accompanying postal sticker, first and your own envelope last.
Unfortunately, there's a further twist to this that I missed, so I was convinced for ages that I was doing it wrong, and that the order must have changed because of that time I restarted in the middle. Took me a LONG time to give up and go back to the hint book, only to find out I had the order right in the first place:
See why I thought I was still getting gibberish? The further trick is really easy - just enough concealment that if you're brute forcing it, it's not immediately obvious when you've got it right. No, it's not ROT-13 - this game's intended audience can read ROT-13 natively.quote:
>l at paranoia
It's the latest issue of Popular Paranoia magazine, addressed to 114 35th. A sweepstakes blurb on the cover says, "You may already have won $1,000,000.00 in gold!!!" There's also one of those cute little orange Postal Service stickers, with a C printed on it.
>l at flyer
This is a sweepstakes flyer ("You may already have won $1,000,000.00!!!"), addressed to 113 35th. There's also one of those cute little orange Postal Service stickers, with a D printed on it.
>l at coupon
[the coupon booklet]
It's a coupon booklet ("Worth Over $10.00!") for a supermarket so far away it would cost you $20.00 to get there, addressed to 112 35th. There's also one of those cute little orange Postal Service stickers, with an E printed on it.
>l at envelope
The open envelope is addressed to Philaboy Huxley, 111 35th. There's also one of those cute little orange Postal Service stickers, with a B printed on it.
>turn on computer
With a thrilling little click, your Boysenberry computer comes back to life.
code:
BCDOS 1.0 All diagnostics completed Press any key to boot... [Command: PRINTC] [Command: PRINTD] [Command: PRINTE] [Command: PRINTB] [TeHutngdTsnpforltIggttffefrsTitogcwta onephuoihuurrfoahfoowhoixioehshnoaion taoem rebmeo ose oruvaroce ee sl t frdn bientbvmtmt iES,eremsmo 4 ;Selte iaq fenccrei h. dtao e,,pt nd1l o. hc nnueir tearote di suU, l idi,ayu reh dcanreaifc uh Tifittp DWens f sotFe a ertsdnootosecagfs;h;Noe,u ifmtuhat m t tet ynr f ukie ; ows m6sea iu b hter r .tt rnretrzi irnttb4 rkdsilr e eori o hhtour eefift;.he;1eiihnun r sn o ,ehometonr f h er 0nngo r . ,g m embnhfcoo ;iF et5cgiutey , ete e,n fo dh.e tlh o r . e i r e di u , f s ]
Just read downwards.
Hmm, I wonder...quote:
Your screen goes blank.code:
[Command: QUIT]
The snivelling, ratty and ineffectual nerd stumbles into view again. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A digital tooth meter! Only 58 bucks!"
>e
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Switchgear Room 11
>e
Switchgear Room 33
>u
Switchgear Room 63
>e
Switchgear Room 84
>s
Switchgear Room 115
>s
Switchgear Room 140
>w
As you approach what seems to be a blank wall, it slides open, then closes again after you pass through. It looks like a blank wall from the other side, too.
Airlock
This is a bare, inhospitable room. Nothing actually happens here at all; it is merely a sort of nasty one-way filter. It's a bit like being inside the "mind" of a tax inspector, really.
In fact, it is an airlock. The door by which you entered has disappeared, flush with the wall. A door leads north. Pretty atmospheric, eh?
There's a closed airlock door in the north wall, with a card reader slot in it.
>put magnetic card in slot
Which slot do you mean, the airlock door or your Boysenberry computer?
Hee hee. Ok, seriously.quote:
>computer
That would immediately void your Boysenberry warranty which, given the reliability of your miracle computer, you are unwilling to do.
Need a password here - probably the nerd's. Let's finish exploring this place first before we try to figure it out.quote:
>put it in airlock
The card slides smoothly in the reader slot, and you hear what could be a bolt snapping back.
>open airlock
In your current relaxed state, you can't get the airlock door to move at all.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>again
The airlock door seems to budge a little, but springs back in place.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>again
You pull with all your strength, but the airlock door opens only a little.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>again
You pull with all your strength, but the airlock door opens only a little.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>again
Your current rage level is so great that you have the strength of ten. You open the airlock door.
>n
You stumble through a brightly lit corridor. As you go, you hear the airlock door slam shut; when you reach the end of the corridor, you look around and find that the wall behind you has no opening.
[Your score just went up.]
Persecution Complex
You are in the Persecution Complex. It is a long brightly lit hall running west, with 3 TV screens on each side of the hall. The screens resemble the security monitors one might find at a guard's station. There is a sign here.
>read sign
You read the notice.
>wcode:
[ REMINDER This week, work on Philaboy Huxley now at Happitec ]
Persecution Complex
>look at left screen
You look at this screen and see an image of the bank teller moving "NEXT WINDOW PLEASE" signs from window to window in the bank.
>look at right screen
You look at this screen and see an image of the llama-food salesman walking around your neighbourhood practising making deliveries to the wrong address.
>w
Persecution Complex
>look at left screen
You look at this screen and see a split-screen display. On the left side, there's a very confused Russian gentleman standing next to his aeroplane in what looks to be a town near Baffin Bay; on the right, an American is wondering why he's in Jakarta. They're both supposed to be in Geneva, which is where their pilots' computers claim they are.
>look at right screen
You look at this screen and see an image of the waiter and waitress practising making customers go through complicated orders multiple times.
>w
Persecution Complex
>look at left screen
You look at this screen and see an image of a computer room with a dirty great mainframe and banks of those flashing lights they put in computer rooms so that people think "Gosh, how complicated computers are, and how amazingly clever the people who work them must be."
The nerd is sitting at a terminal, hacking away. He looks about as happy as someone who has clearly never been out with girls can look. Above his head is a monitor screen, showing a really rather attractive individual looking at a monitor screen which shows a computer room with a dirty great mainframe...
>look at right screen
You look at this screen and see an image of a stockbroker staring dumbfounded at his computer screen, on which you can just make out an order to sell Frobozzco as soon as its price drops five more points.
>w
Persecution Complex
You are in the Persecution Complex. It is a long brightly lit hall running east, with 3 TV screens on each side of the hall. The screens resemble the security monitors one might find at a guard's station. There is an exit to the west.
There's a modular plug here.
>look at plug
You see nothing extraordinary about the modular plug.
>take it
What a ridiculous concept.
>plug computer into plug
With an irritating little click (it used to be thrilling, but, quite frankly, you have really had enough of the damned Boysenberry by now) your portable computer lurches into action.
Your screen goes blank.code:
Boysenberry Terminal Emulator 5.21 All diagnostics completed Press any key to boot... [CONNECTION IN PROGRESS.... CONNECTED TO DVH2 NODE 0106. WAITING.] [ENTER-YOUR-ID,-OR-QUIT-TO-DISCONNECT] [ID: HELP] [ENTER-YOUR-PASSWORD] [PSSWD: IDUNNO] [ENTER-YOUR-ID,-OR-QUIT-TO-DISCONNECT] [ID: QUIT]
The modular plug is automatically ejected from the jack like a little rat from a tiny drainpipe.
Ok, can't get out without figuring out the game's final puzzle, which is actually quite in[NOTE: I AM TOO STUPID TO SPELL THE WORD "GENIUS" CORRECTLY]. You'll see it next time.quote:
>w
Air Shaft
This is a room where hot air is discharged, even barer than the airlock. It's like being inside the President's mind, except for the scrawled graffiti on the walls, one of which says, "This is the werst departure luonge what I ever seen". The others are unreadable.
An exit leads up.
>u
You struggle up the air shaft, and find yourself back above ground, where you see a primitive landing strip hacked out of the jungle.
Look. Um...
We're not quite sure how to put this, so we got the lawyers to draft something instead.
"Infocom Inc. currently possesses no mechanism for allowing proactive product end-users" -- sorry about the tacky '80s MBA jargon, but you know how lawyers love bull like that -- "to escape from interactive fiction situations without having made the least attempt to solve the puzzles.
"The normal penalty under these circumstances would be death. However, we are prepared to offer you the option of returning whence you came.
"Actually, this isn't really an option. Look at it from our point of view. Suppose you said 'To hell with it, I'd rather die', where would we be then? We'd have no option but to sue the guts out of you. And have you the remotest idea of the paperwork that would involve? We have wives and families, you know, and girlfriends, and sometimes we just like to go bowling of an evening or just hang out at the gas station, drinking Fresca and bad-mouthing the treasury.
"So: back you go."
Sorry about that. That's what the lawyers say, so that's what has to happen.
Persecution Complex
There's a modular plug here.