Chapter 6: 2300 A.D.
McFLY. It deserves more than two capital letters.
FULL FUCKIN' SPEED AHEAD
This is the, for lack of a better term, Time Gyro! Each spoke corresponds to six different time periods. There's the obvious ones: 65,000,000 B.C., 12,000 B.C., 600 A.D., 1,000 A.D., 2,300 A.D. But there's two more here, one of which is unseen.
Much like using the bucket at the End of Time, this takes us straight to Lavos to get our faces smashed in. Let's avoid this for now.
Cleverly and logically hidden past 2,300 A.D. is the End of Time. Let's head there for no real reason whatsoever.
MOTHERFUCK WHAT HAVE WE DONE
'Course! It's the McFLY!
End of Time
Gahaha FUCK you Prophet!
Oh FUCK you Prophet
Only place to go now is to the Terra Cave...
Which has mysteriously opened itself to us.
Look out! It's a New Age Retro Hippie!
This place is so so very nice for one reason: totally badass equipment. It's LEAGUES more powerful than what I have currently. The only downside is that it's depressingly expensive.
So let's do something else.
To the right is a strong weapon for _____, to the left is a helmet, I think. Offense or defense?
Up from 90 attack power. Bam, bitch.
This reminds me, there was a door we missed in 2,300 A.D. Let's scoot over there.
It's under the main dome, on the right path. Inside we find a Power Tab, a Lumin Robe, an Elixir, a Hit Ring, and a Gold Earring. Much like how the Silver Earring increased HP by 25%, the Gold Earring increases it by 50%. Very, very nice.
Remember that wallet we got? Abuse time!
The Swallow means we don't have to buy a Demon Edge, but fuck on a stick, I STILL don't have enough.
An hour later...
NOW WE'RE IN BUSINESS.
This results in new weapons for everyone, new armor, and new hats for the guys.
That's how much I'm left with.
Anyway, we climb our way towards the bottom of this depressing village with uncharacteristically powerful equipment, and find out a few things.
Queen Zeal has moved the Mammon Machine to the Ocean Palace to absorb Lavos's energy. The Guru of Life was opposed to the idea, and he was locked up on the Mountain of Woe.
Schala and the Gurus were the only ones to treat the Earthbound Ones as equals. Strangely enough, the Earthbound Ones and the Enlightened Ones used to live together, bring the Enlightened Ones' hypocrisy to a whole new level. But it's okay, they don't survive.
Finally, we head through the Beast's Nest to the Mountain of Woe.
But, of course, we need to take out some beasts. _____'s new sword in action, fellas.
There's one more pack of regular beasts, then these special guys.
Is that so?
This is technically a boss fight, but...
This wasn't even that hard.
The Mountain of Woe...
EDIT: Fixed error. Stud->Earring.