Part 12: Episode XI: Phantom Hourglass (Ghost Town)
Episode XI: Phantom Hourglass (Ghost Town)
When last we left our heroine, she'd just teleported through a circular portal square. With that said, let's continue...
Whelp, our latest endeavor into the occult rites has stranded Alyssa in what appears to be some manner of gloomy loading dock. Why in the blue hell did we use that portal, again?
Accessing Miss Hamilton's mapping clairvoyance reveals we are currently in the "Ghost Town". Does that mean it is a ghost town in the abandoned sense? Or is it indeed a village established by poltergeists, complete with a phantom mayor?
The highlight of the 'town' is a Lion Statue for all your free flowing holy water and savepoint needs.
Swinging around a back alley from the delightful main square reveals a new variety of apparition. One that is colored bright red. There is nothing different from it and the previous ones. It is simply red.
Nearby its post is a teddy bear. I had a teddy bear when I was a child. His name was Ted. Did I ever mention I sucked at naming things?
Alyssa evades the spirit (which is accomplished by stepping two feet to the right) and ventures further down the alley.
The corpse of the departed is stuffed into a dumpster and demands the other half of a heart shaped pendant to put its soul to rest. Perhaps Alyssa should ask the deceased's psychiatrist for clues to its whereabouts.
Alyssa travels further down the alley. She encounters yet another ghost and another corpse.
A crushed box in the boot. Was it a present being delivered?
Well, take one good guess where that Teddy Bear's final resting place is. There seems to be a distinct slant in the exorcising department. Some ghost require a stuffed animal in a trash can down the street or a Bic pen a few feet from their corpse. Others require a specialized watch hundreds of miles away and owned by a completely different dead guy. Politics... I'll never understand them.
With a brief stint of ghost busting accomplished, Alyssa heads inside the nearby building.
A trail of blood from a body being dragged off... Well, that is always a welcoming sight. Why are we here, again?
Miss Hamilton follows the trail down the hall, ignoring the locked door earlier in the corridor.
A bell rings down the corner of the hallway. You remember all that courage when Alyssa faced down Bob with her magical arrows? Or even her magical arrows in general? Yeah, forget about all that. She's back to being a spineless whelp scared by ominous shadows and loud noises.
Someone lurches down the hallway. Alyssa's wits snap into action.
Solid Snake she ain't...
Alyssa falls back to a safer position. Luckily, the advancing character has the eyesight of your average Genome soldier and fails to detect Alyssa's stealth tactics.
Make that sub par stealth tactics...
Luckily, her new foe seems to be blind, has no AI, or is a Japanese horror creature or some shit and passes by none the wiser.
"My penis is erect. Confirm or deny?"
"What are you doing here!? Confirm the earlier question! CONFIRM!"
The bloody eyed vagrant proceeds to trip to the floor and spaz out with glorious motion capture animation.
I'd pay you twenty bucks if you could tell me.
"Where have you got to!? I've been living off Spaghetti-O's for weeks! Do you know what that does to you?! Say something! Mother! Chef Boyardee cannot sustain me! MOTHER!"
Bloody-eye McNutjob wanders off into the ether.
Her latest threat evaded, Alyssa decided to hunt down a new one. It doesn't take her long.
Maybe it's just the guy in me. But, hearing a woman crying in another room. Especially one I do not know? That's like a dubious exit sign in the opposite direction.
"I missed Dr. Phil! I missed all of my programs! What am I to do?!"
"I told you, mother. I'd moved on to super villainy. I have my own game now."
"Not you, ya loser. Nobody likes you."
"...I like me."
"And waiting and waiting and waiting. Then I stopped for a while. Then I waited some more. Then I stopped again. Then I waited for someone else. But it just wasn't the same. So I kept on waiting."
Alyssa, being a beacon of bad decisions, decides to enter the room.
"Is that you!? Did you get the mail? I'm expecting a catalog. Christmas is coming, you know. I need a new sweater."
You've got red on you.
Unfortunately, Alyssa just happened to barge in the moment a band from the next flat over began practicing for their next concert.
The result is decidedly fucking metal.
"What's going on?!"
"It's time to rock the fuck out, bitch!"
Headbanging of alarming degree ensues.
"You can't handle the mosh pit, bitch!"
Alyssa gets rocked the fuck out so hard it ejects her from the room, along with a sizable amount of the old woman's cooking utensils.
Unfortunately, the net result is our heroine crumpled on the floor in a pool of her own vomit. Like any metal concert should properly end.
Tune in next time for:
HEARTWARMING FAMILY MOMENTS!
Still not to be featured:
A running joke I'll be glad to be rid of!
Blind Guy Hallway Cutscene
Blind Granny Cutscene