Part 24: Episode XXIII: Bad Dudes (Stage Three Finale)
Episode XXIII: Bad Dudes (Stage Three Finale)
When last we left our heroine, she'd finally killed that dick, Harold, by means of a special ancient Rooder arrow which appeared out of literally nowhere for no reason. With that said, let's continue...
With Chopper, the leader of the Subordinates mind you, blown to bits. Hopefully we're nearing the conclusion here.
Alyssa returns to the Rooder spirits hangout.
"Those years of intense Rooder training must have been invaluable in your fight."
"Why, of course. Weren't you schooled in your magical abilities and archery skills?"
"...I sort of didn't know I was this Rooder thing until this morning."
"Well, it was actually more like mid-afternoon. Maybe early evening. Heck, I killed my first Subordinate just sort of winging it."
"...This is bullshit. I'm out of here."
"Since you're such a bloody protégée. Don't expect any more ancient arrows. You're on your own, ya stinkin' twat."
"You know what that is, right? Or are you winging that too? Come on, girls. Let's let miss wondergirl fight evil."
Nancy decides this is a good time to phase in.
"Well, other than the whole coming back home after sending you away for years on end and paying thousands to keep you there. Thanks for flushing that down the toilet, sweetie. Good job on saving the failures, though."
"Will you friggin' drop it already? I lived five miles from home. I think time traveling spectral murders that can open portals through time and space could probably find me there."
The warm family reunion is quickly shattered by the usual. Flashing strobe lights and shit crumbling.
"It seems your mother is in another castle! Gha ha ha ha!"
"Mum! It's a fat guy with a cane. Just knee him in the groin or something. Come on!"
"You'd like that, wouldn't you? It is I who will carry out the Ritual of Engagement to become an Entity. I mean, not right now while you're powerless and I could probably just beat you to death with a cane."
"Won't killing me screw up your ritual?"
"Of course not. I have to kill you to perform the Ritual of Engagement."
"Look, gramps. I read the manual for this thing. It says I need to be fifteen, which I've still got a hour until the date and five hours until the actual event. Then it says someone's gotta drink blood from my heart while it's still beating. There's two steps in your dopey ritual and you're still screwing it up."
"But uhh... I mean... We could put you on ice or something?"
"On ice! I'm not a bottle of beer? Are you complete stupid?"
"Way to dodge the question."
If you were too flabbergasted with the initial clock tower cutscene, that's where Alyssa has ended up. Though, it looks less like a tower used for making time and more like some manner of arcane final dungeon you'd expect to do battle with some fruity guy with a huge sword which would inexplicably turn into some manner of angel after taking a good beating.
No... But...you were killed in Zanzibar!
"How does that even work? My house exploded while you were in it. And this giant tower erupted from the earth beneath it, sending rubble flying in all directions. How could you possibly survive that?!"
"I went home for a bit."
"You went home?!"
"I had to use the bathroom."
"You gave up searching for my mother so you could tinkle?!"
"Other end, actually."
"Okay, I didn't need to hear that. I'm going to bang my head on one of those statues over there to get the mental image out of my head. Well... Why didn't you just use the one here?"
"There was a ghost in there!"
"Oh, for heaven's sake. There's ghosts everywhere. I've exorcised about fifteen in the last two hours alone."
"It was... It was...watching me. I can't go in those conditions. You should really tell your mum to put up a sign or something. It's rather rude."
"Never... Never big on restroom maintenance... And she was... was..."
"Did she get another DUI? Tell her I'm going to need my moped back at some point. It's been three months."
Alyssa yanks out her clover pendant.
"I think I saw a guy selling these for £5 down by the market. Didn't think you were into jewelry."
"At least, the flashback prior to a flashback involving my grandfather murdering my father leads me to believe this."
"Oh... Well, did you check beneath the couch? I mean, £5... You're getting what you paid for."
"It's not beneath the bloody couch. Do you see a couch around here?!"
"Oh... Well, I guess not. Where'd you find the other leaves?"
"Battling demon possessed spirits of serial murders."
"The traffic down by the market really is brutal this time of year."
"No that's not... Tch... Nevermind."
"I can't defeat the Entity without all four leaves."
"Uhh... Right... How did you come to the conclusion a piece of jewelry can help you defeat... The Entity? Or anything, for that matter. My grandfather has a really nice pocket watch he cherishes. That doesn't mean I expect it could be used to fight crime."
"It's just... Look, I'm not sure how I came up with the idea, but it's gonna work. Got it?!"
"I'll do anything to help you."
"Dennis... No offense... But I think you'd be about as useful as an asshole on my elbow."
"You have to believe me, Alyssa. I mean, what's the sense of pulling some bizarro retarded theory out of your ass if you have no confidence in it?"
So, finding all the
"If there's anything I can do, just ask."
"Please don't run off like a goofy idiot and get into any sort of bind that I'll need to blow a hour getting you out of."
"I'm not a miracle worker, Alyssa."
"It's an evil clock tower summoned by the Dark Gentleman as a sacrificial spot for him to cut out my heart at midnight and obtain immortality and possibly resurrect more killers."
"Oh...this? I don't know where the hell this is..."
Tune in next time for:
Stage Three Final Cutscene