Part 28: Episode XXVII: Cooking Mama (Clock Tower Castle)
Episode XXVII: Cooking Mama (Clock Tower Castle)
When last we left our heroine, she witnessed her grandfather wandering in a zombie like daze toward a castle. There was also some business with a mirror world. But, it wasn't very important. With that said, let's continue...
Right then, a desolate landscape holding an ominous castle with the title's feature time keeping device displayed prominently. But, enough about that. There's another narrated file to take in.
Dick's Notes 3
2nd April, 1998
Something tells me Dick doesn't have a lot of friends. And mothers don't let their children get too near him...
15th July, 1998
How do you just 'stumbled across' documents pertaining to arcane ritualistic sacrifice? What? Was it nestled behind a Reader's Digest in a doctor's waiting room?
Ah, the moral dilemma of whether or not to gut your only granddaughter and eat her heart. I know I've pondered over the concept a few times.
The Burroughs/Barrows family were the villains of the first two Clock Tower games. Though, there was no "Lord Burroughs" and everything from this point on is pulled out of the developers' ass.
Bobby Barrows was the Scissorman of the original game.
Dan Barrows was the scissorman of the second game. This namedrop is literally the only connection the game has to the rest of the series.
ADN...? DAN...? Like WOAH! Again, this is all we're getting. This letter scheme doesn't amount to any startling revelation. Only <surprise> an exceedingly dumb plot point in a bit.
Putting away the rather disturbing note from her grandfather, Alyssa storms the front of the castle. Scissoretard decides to show up for the party too. Joy of joys.
Miss Hamilton now finds herself...back in the area she was at the end of the last stage... Then...what in the blue hell was the point of that entire hospital sequence? At least the rest of the stages' locales had some relevance to the villain of the day or the plot at large... I really don't think the pants lacking fruitcake has a PhD so...fuck you, Sunsoft.
Alyssa decides to climb the main spiral staircase.
Which...leads to absolutely nothing and it takes a good 45 seconds of climbing before the camera angle gets high enough to reveal the dead end...
Alyssa climbs all the way back down. There is a door to the west and east, at the base of the staircase. Alyssa heads east.
A short staircase and a brisk jog down a corridor later and Alyssa finds another dead end. Brilliant assessment, by the way, kiddo.
But, not to fear, as there is an alternate route found by sidestepping a half-foot wide ledge across the length of the castle. What's the worst that could happen? Plummeting a few hundred feet? Like that's deterred our plucky heroine yet.
A good minute of ledge sliding later and Alyssa reaches the opposite end.
Okay... Well, look there. There's another ledge to haphazardly sidle across.
There's also a ghost. But, it's less than impressed with Miss Hamilton's daredevil stunts. In fact, there's absolutely no danger during any leg of this journey, as it's impossible to fall off.
Alyssa reaches the other end.
Come again? Just crawl or something... Look at that gap in the bars! You're a thin girl. Don't hesitate.
Yep... Seems I went the wrong way...
A three motherfucking minute journey back to the main hall.
You see, the developers want you to go left, not right in the main hallway. How were you to know this? Why, it's simple a clue to lead you in the right direction:
BE A MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHIC, JEDI, OR ASSHOLE WHO MADE THIS GAME.
Alyssa proceeds through the opposite, copy and pasted and reversed western hallway.
Scissorfaggot is stalking this half of the hallway. He's guarding a file. And guess what this file tells us.
Ralph? Jemima? You know what I think of when I see these names.
Both would make far more terrifying villains than the chucklefucks chasing Alyssa at the moment. Then again, a goddamn six year old with chickenpox would be a better villain than either of the two chasing us at the moment.
One of the bars in the kitchen, you say. I'm not going to even get into how idiotic it would be to imprison people in a kitchen. What dwells in a kitchen?
Goddamn Chef Gordon Ramsey.
Any of these three things could be easily used to murder the shit out of the skinny carnie villains of the day. To spoil a bit further into the stage, there's an actual dungeon. But, they decided to use the kitchen for their holding cell and put upward of ten people in it. Ten plus against a force of presumably the Scissortwins and a butler. Was this a village populated by quadriplegics or the French?
This is the corpse of the wandering spirit on the other side of the area. He's missing his head. I'm going to use his skull as a goddamn ashtray, if I find it, for being such a pain in the ass.
Five minutes of backtracking in which absofuckinglutely nothing happens.
Guess what Alyssa can now do? Go through the grating. Guess what my eye is doing? Twitching like a man who would punt a baby out a skyscraper window.
Alyssa proceeds through the window she should have been able to access twelve minutes ago.
And we're in the kitchen. A few items of note are scattered about here.
The oven has that poor soul's skull. I guess one's head qualifies as a sentimental item. But, guess what fuckface? I'm selling this thing on Ebay before I take another ten minute round trip to give you it back.
And as for the last update, I mentioned the reward for exorcising all the spirits. Here it is: Nothing!
On the table is an entirely unnecessary clue.
For there is a fetch quest item in the back of the oven here. Obviously, Alyssa can't just stick her arm in there to yank it out. I wouldn't put it past her to try, but it sadly not an option.
I figured: Hey, I've got a bottle full of water of dubious holy nature. Surely that can calm the flame. Then, I realized non-linear thinking was frowned upon in this title.
Something tells me fire fighter wasn't a popular profession in the Rooder line.
We just need a 'D' "N' and "M' to spell out my usual thought on having started this thread.
An evasion point has popped up back at the previously clearly unlit oven. Time to show how utterly incompetent our pursuers are.
"You've been chasing me for over a minute and I've yet to leave this room. No duh."
Jemima is a camwhore.
Alyssa tosses that sonuvabitch open.
Apparently, they hadn't come up with the concept of 'backing up' in...whatever time period we've warped into.
And thus Jemima was defeated by a friggin' Tom and Jerry gag...
Tune in next time for:
Oven Evasion Point