Part 33: Episode XXXII: Mischief Makers (Stage Four Finale)
Episode XXXII: Mischief Makers (Stage Four Finale)
When last we left our heroine, she'd just witnessed her grandpa fuse with a painting to turn into some manner of shit monster. Also, Dennis is still in peril. With that said, let's continue...
Alright, then. Time to get down to business.
Business such as... having to redo the friggin' axe hallway again.
And also having to redo the goddamn dungeon corridor time trial.
Eventually, Alyssa makes it back to the torture chamber.
Where the Scissorwoman is waiting for a fight. So much for the whole choosing to give up your heart thing. To make no mention of the failure of having a twin duo of villains and making you fight them separately...
Oh well. Queue up the magic girl transformation sequence.
Twenty-two victims...? She was part of a campaign of terror across the countryside in which entire villages were rounded up for slaughter and she's managed less kills than a burly guy with a big hammer?
Unfortunately for old Jemima, she's only a mini-boss. She also happens to be the easiest battle in the game, at that.
PREPARE FOR THE NEXT BATTLE!
Fortunately, the only 'difficult' part of this battle is they turned off the auto-aim for god knows what reason. Normally, when drawing an arrow, you'll automatically lock on the enemy (you can't actually move your aim once you begin charging). So now, you have to manually face a direction and hope Jemima runs in front of you like an idiot. Which she will. As she is, indeed, an idiot.
She can also teleport. A lot. If she does an attack? Teleport. If she gets hit by an attack? Teleport. If she's just taunting? Teleport. Unfortunately, her ability to teleport all willie-nillie makes it impossible to bind her for overkill finishing attacks. But, we won't be needing those anyway.
Oh yeah, she can also summon a goddamn tornado that covers half the area by spinning around.
But, other than the twister-out-of-fucking-nowhere, she's about as dangerous as a goomba.
Dennis has somehow reappeared on the pedestal despite being hidden away prior to the fight.
They only used some flimsy rope to tie the kid up and hang him upside down for the better part of an hour?
"Jemima! Dennis! Paddington Bear! The Queen!"
Ralph does the usual 'tarding out knife swings and misses before tending to his sister.
Who explodes into confetti upon being touched. How did we go from violent explosions with flying angry faces to...festive paper?
"Who is going to give me piggyback rides and tie my shoes?! Me? I cannot give myself a piggyback ride and tie my shoe at the same time! That's absurd! You took that away from me! You'll pay for it! I'll make mincemeat out of you!"
"I'm just gonna disappear again for a bit. Good luck."
"Thanks, Dennis. You're a real pal."
Ralph slightly beats out John but doesn't hold a candle to Harold.
And despite having a sizeable life bar, this battle is only a fraction as tedious as Chopper's gimmick bullshit.
JEMIMA WAS SERIOUSLY WOUNDED! BUT THE SOUL STILL BURNS!
Ralph has roughly the same attacks he had while just chasing you. That is running fast and stabbing things. Though, he does get two new attacks.
The first is achieved by him channeling the spirit of all-American fighting game hero Guile.
While he fails to yell "Sonic BOOM" while performing the technique, it does prove to be fairly effective. In the nearly impossible to dodge because it fills the screen and only does it when he's off screen, so you can't see him charging up.
His second new attack involves slamming the ground and producing ethereal blades to erupt from the earth and home in on Alyssa. Remember back when I thought Corroder getting acid Hadokens was silly? Those were good times.
Though, unlike his sister, Ralph can get hit by binding arrows.
Shockingly, Ralph's death cry is something along the lines of meek "Blehgh."
Ralph's fiery death results in...him freaking out on the floor while spinning like Curly of the Three Stooges fame.
Alyssa takes this time to help untie Dennis, who's suddenly reappeared and apparently made no effort to free himself during that whole ordeal.
"You think you can just ignore me?! ME?! I'm a fucking albino clown with no fucking pants on!! YOU CAN'T FUCKING IGNORE ME!!"
"Umm... Alyssa... You don't seem to have killed the bad guy. Now would be a very good time to pay attention? Hello! Heroine of the bleedin' story?! You there?!
The usual dodging blades affair ensues. Alyssa manages to get herself, once more, cornered in a room larger than most houses.
"B-But there was a boss fight and I beat you. What about the Rooders being able to destroy Subordinates with their powers?"
"The rules are very flexible."
"And do that whole ritual of whatever business. I guess that's sorta important. You don't need your head for that thing, right? I'll have to look at the rule book."
"What the deuce?! A scissor-what?! I have my Bachelor's Degree in Villainy Acrobats, I'll have you know!"
"Time to get your ears lowered!"
Holy shit... Did... Did Dennis actually do something badass...?
Alyssa is both dumbfounded by this turn of events and brainless enough to end up on the path of the pendulum.
Sure, she dodges out of the way before being hit by the blade or man-confetti. But, the point still stands. This girl seems like the type that would wave down a speeding train by standing in the railroad tracks.
The rest of Scissorman explodes into paper. It is quickly replaced by.
The cackling ghosts of Ralph and Jemima... But...they were already ghosts... So did we...not kill them?
This goes on for a bit.
And then Ralph, Jemima, and the swinging pendulum, for good measure, all vanish.
"No, thank YOU. It was you who saved me. Or, at least half-assed tried to save me. It was more quarter assed. And I still had to end up saving you after all that. Actually, you can go back to thanking me. Maybe in that cowgirl outfit? Huh?"
"Even if my house hadn't exploded, it ain't happening..."
"Oh well. Thanks for saving me. I just wish you could have been there in time to save Den-2?"
"The robot... He was my friend! We need to have a memorial. Larry is going to be devastated..."
"The robot?! Are you daff?!"
"Mourning Alyssa. Deep, deep mourning... It can do strange things to people."
Dennis begins tweaking out and does the most earsplitting awful fake-laugh this side of that scene in Final Fantasy X. You know the one.
The horribly acted scene is interrupted by the usual Dark Gentleman dramatic intermission.
And the kids find themselves back in the Clock Tower. Presumably, the one in the present that was twenty stories high.
"Three hundred years worth of henchmen gone in the course of a day... I can't say I saw that coming."
"Or you could just leave and hide out for a day or something... That'd probably do me no favors. So, I suppose empty promises are in order!"
"Nevermind that I already told you I'd had her killed. You can definitely save her if you just come up to the clock tower roof. Most certainly, indeed."
<looks at watch> "If you could make it up in about the next fifteen minutes or so. That would be great."
"The real identity of the Dark Man. It's my grandfather."
"The fat pasty guy just now? The one that sounds like he could moonlight as a voice over in a cereal mascot commercial? That's your grandfather?!"
"Yes, now I have to..."
"Why would he disguise himself as a creep like that?"
"I don't know. I'm sure it's some sort of trick to perform the Ritual of Engagement."
"Alright, I read that 'Book of Entities' thing after you ran off and it talked about that. It said that someone of the same bloodline needs to cut out a Rooder's heart on her fifteenth birthday and drink their blood, right?"
"And that's all there is to it in order to become one of those 'Entity' things, correct?"
"I'm pretty sure that was it. Yes. What are you getting at?"
"And you didn't know about any of this Rooder and Entity business until this afternoon, right?"
"Well, no... It's not really common knowledge."
"And you've not seen your grandfather in over three years, yes?"
"No, I haven't. Is there any point to your inquiry or do you want the rest of my life story?!"
"So... If your grandfather had simply shown up at your house and greeted you warmly, you'd probably be perfectly well off spending the day with him. Knowing nothing of his evil plots or whatever is going on, yes?"
"Y-Yes... I suppose so."
"So why in the bloody hell wouldn't he just act like the friendly grandfather you've always known, up until midnight. Then he could just waltz over and murder you when you least expect it with absolutely no problem. Why go to all this trouble with blowing up houses and clock towers and those clowns and whatever else?"
"I-I don't know... I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason... No, look. Stay here!"
"I've made a huge mistake..."
Back to our heroes...
"Dennis, you may be a man, but you're not a Rooder. I am!"
"And that means piss all seeing I'm pretty sure I killed the last bad guy."
"Yes well... Maybe there's some clause in who can and cannot kill Subordinates. I don't know. Just stay here!"
And so ends the fourth stage...
Tune in next time for...
Jemima's Death Cutscene
Stage Four Finale Cutscene
Scissorman Alternate Design: Now with pants!
Scissorman Alternate Design 2
Scissorman Alternate Design 3: Those are hedge clippers!
Scissortwins Scrapped Fusion/Transformation Design: Now with clawed tits!