The Let's Play Archive

Crusader Kings 2

by Thanqol

Part 10: Something Fantastic

Wiz posted:

I'm Wiz and this is my favorite CK2 LP on the Citadel.

Really though, I love this thread and it always makes my morning when I find it updated.

with an endorsement like that, how could i not update again today?

Once upon a time there was a very little girl with a very scary dad.

Scary Dad visited England on a business trip. Six thousand people died.

Then Scary Dad came home and he got more people for another business trip. Scary Dad was very good at his job.

Scary Dad had become a lot nicer in recent years, but Scary Dad was still very scary.

The little girl was all grown up and she was very smart. She knew all her times tables and all the people at court. The little girl was so smart that Scary Dad made her his spymaster, and trusted her to discover all plots and schemes in the land of Scary Dad.

Scary Dad also decided that only the best was good enough for the little girl, and married her to a man who was just as smart as her.

Scary Dad had another son, but he was a Disappointment and did not eat his vegetables. Scary Dad knew, though, that when he died his son would get all his stuff, and Scary Dad did a lot of fighting so he was worried he might die at any minute.

So Scary Dad made a deal with Disappointment. Scary Dad would give Disappointment a Duchy and not murder him to make room for the little girl. In exchange, Disappointment would vote for Scary Dad when the King died.

Scary Dad was now heir to all of Denmark. But the Coward King was only forty and Scary Dad might die before he did. And if that happened, Disappointment would get everything.

Scary Dad decided to make sure.

Scary Dad was killing a lot of people in those days. Scary Dad thought that if he made sure that all the bad people were gone, the little girl would have an easier time when she took over.

Scary Dad then went down to the docks, where the Rich Man lived. The Rich Man traded with all kinds of people from distant lands, like El Dorado or Fantastica. Scary Dad purchased from the Rich Man a Sengling Serpent, which had shiny scales and sharp teeth. Scary Dad wanted to give the Sengling Serpent to the Coward King.

Sadly, the Coward King ran away, and then the Sengling Serpent ran away, and Scary Dad was out ten ducats and he was Very Upset.

But then Scary Dad remembered that he'd met a Sad Man a few years ago. And he remembered the Sad Man had taken a fall and hurt himself very badly. Scary Dad got an idea from this, and went over to the Coward King's balcony with a saw.

Structural Engineering is very important. Scary Dad was glad he had paid attention in school.

So then Scary Dad was the king! Hurray! He didn't much want to be king, though. He just wanted to make sure everything was set up right for the little girl.

So Scary Dad got the two Dukes of Denmark together and he told them that he had done all this for his little girl, and that she was going to be king after Scary Dad. And the Dukes said, "No! Only boys can be king! No girls allowed!"

This made Scary Dad very angry.

And Scary Dad locked them both up. Now there was nobody in the kingdom except Scary Dad and Disappointment.

Scary Dad asked Disappointment if there were going to be any problems. Disappointment said no.

So finally, Scary Dad had done everything he needed to do to make sure that the little girl would be king when she grew up.

Everybody hated Scary Dad, but nobody could do anything because Scary Dad was in charge of everything now. Everyone else was in jail. Scary Dad was happy, though. It meant he didn't have to be scary any more.

And so Scary Dad hung up his spikey helmet and became Regular Dad.

The End.

n.b. we have 45 points of tyranny. literally everyone hates us except Disappointment, who is a huge suck up.