Part 6: Episode 2: DreamgirlEpisode 2: Dreamgirl
I think we're done with these guys for now. I have a mystery bottle of pills, and I'm gonna use them more than air. Do we even breathe in dreams?
I'M STILL FOREBODING!!!
Let's check out what's going on inside the barn.
A tiny cat with a headband and an overweight dog are at a stand-off in the center of the room. Neither look like they're going to budge for quite some time. The tiny grey cat totes an enormous shotgun. The fat dog holds a rope in his mouth as he stares down the barrel of a gun. A mousehole is gnawed in the side of the barn's walls.
If cartoon cliches have taught me anything, the cat is probably the protagonist of this pair. Let's talk to the Rambo Tabby.
Who are you?
Barth, defender of Feline Dignity.
What's going on here?
This IDIOT ya see next to me just -happens- to think he can foul my backyard. Well, he can't. So, I came here with my shotgun to teach 'em a lesson but I guess he was ready for me...
How do I leave this place?
You gotta go through the NiteMare. That ain't too easy... The entrance to the NiteMare is WELL hidden, and I don't know where.
Two screens to the east of Barth...
Yeah, that hill. The one that's blocked by a personified bone and rock. That's the entrance. The cat is clearly brain damaged. Let's talk to the dog.
Who are you?
Me? I'm Jazz, yup, I am...
Why are you going to crush this little cat?
Well, he's a mite bit crazy, he is. Comes in here with that big ol' pea shooter lookin' for trouble... Weeeeeel, trouble he's a gonna get. I ain't budgin'!!!
How can I escape this strange world?
I don't have a clue. Ask the little grey loony next to me.
That was illuminating. Thank you, awful cartoon animals. Dog, I am going to steal the barrel on your neck. I can see you're too busy both holding up a ton and engaging in a Mexican Standoff to object.
You "borrowed" this keg from Jazz the dog. It appears to be empty at the moment.
Ok, so that was pretty much just petty theft for the sake of it. Now, you may think this room is totally useless, but you'll notice there is a mouse hole. And we have a bottle of magic pills. We about to get all Alice in Wonderland up in this piece.
The mousehole is as nicely furnished as a mousehole can be. A large candle melts away in a holder that rests precariously on a box of matches.
Moving on eastward...
A large mouse dominates the room. He's a bit overweight and leans on a strawberry.
Hi, I'm Tyler. Who are you?
I am Borish Gershman, ze Russian mouze. Nize to meed you, Ty.
What happened to your foot?
Oh, zat... Ze ztupid cat, 'Barth', got me ven I vas climbing ze fruit tree outzide. I don'd eat ze cheeze, I eat ze fruit!
Why are you leaning on a strawberry?
I had zis ztrawberry here in caze something like my injury ever happened, but I hate ze ztrawberry now!
Fun fact: His cast is clickable. And I have a stick.
Aw, I'm sorry, Boris. Here, have a mystery fruit.
Thank you zo much! Da, dis is de fruit I vas talking about. Now I vill not have to zervive on dis zdrawberry! Lizen, az zoon az I can find zomething to pay you back, I vill! Visit later, da?
And that's all we can do here for now. Well, almost...
Ok, I'm good for now. Let's go back outside the barn.
To the northwest is a castle.
Yes, this is how loud it is in the game. Enjoy.
A small castle stands before you. It appears as if it is seriously warped. The blue sky seems almost painted on, and the clouds look like cotton.
This is the only room in the castle. Before you stands a tall leggy girl approximately your age. She smiles coyly at you.
Oh my god. Snarky words cannot do this justice.
Was this the face that launch'd a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
Her lips suck forth my soul: see, where it flies!
Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again.
Here will I dwell, for heaven is in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena.
I will be Paris, and for love of thee,
Instead of Troy, shall Wertenberg be sack'd;
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear thy colours on my plumed crest;
Yea, I will wound Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.
O, thou art fairer than the evening air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars;
Brighter art thou than flaming Jupiter
When he appear'd to hapless Semele;
More lovely than the monarch of the sky
In wanton Arethusa's azur'd arms;
And none but thou shalt be my paramour!
Hi, Tyler. I'm Lissa. Do you remember dreaming about me? I do. You're pretty romantic for a young boy!
May I ask, er, what exactly -are- you doing up here?
Waiting for my knight to defeat the dragon. Guess who my knight is! The dragon, of course, is Him...
Do you know where the 'NiteMare' is?
Ohh... That's where the 'dragon' is. The gate to it is somewhere near those silly trees. Look carefully EVERYWHERE!
That... that's great. Really. I think that astounding visage is a perfect place to take a break. We'll deal with Tyler's puberty and drug problem next time.