The Let's Play Archive

Def Jam: Fight For New York

by Lasher

Part 5: "Hi! I'm from the internet!"

What's wrong with mixing buisness and pleasure? Nothing at all if your name is Oyster.

"Hi! I'm from the internet!"

Welcome to "The Limit" a biker/metal bar full of tough wrestler/brawler types. Oyster sticks out like a sore thumb and a fight starts. Good news is it's full of hot women and the bar belongs to Crow (The rival Kingpin) so Oyster can win another bar for D-Mob AND find a loose woman all in one night. BONUS!


You gonna bleed tonight holmes!

Bitch please, I'm a bling-ninja and whatnot.

That's not Oyster going all "28 days later" on Skulls ass. Oyster just chopped him so damn hard his hit the ground before his blood did.

With the grace of a cat Oyster leaps from the pool table and plants his snakeskin clad foot into Skulls, er, skull. And yes, Oyster is wearing white socks.

Back to chillin' with Method Man at the bar.
Method Man:
Damn, there are some fine looking tang things in here tonight.

He aint wrong either.

All eyes are on you, Oyster. Who you gonna take home with you tonight?

This is where normal LP threads would let you choose what woman Oyster would try and poke, but remember this is OYSTER we're talking about here. He's going after the Asian chick, obviously.


SON OF A BITCH! Will Oyster ever get laid? It's fine for you lot to take this piss but THIS is what happens? He just SAYS random black guys cockblock him. He doesn't tell you about how they HEAD BUTT him all the time.

A pair of shoes swim into focus and a voice from a million miles away asks softly,
"Do you have stairs in your house?"
Groggily Oyster replies,
"I'm protected!"

"OYSTER! It's ME! Shaniqua, from Myspace?


You said it, Blaze, you said it all.

Method Man:
Hey man, it's Blaze. What happened last night? You didn't go home with that beast did you? I swear she l... Whoah, she's not still there is she? I, I'll call you back.

Man, what Method doesn't understand is Oyster and Shaniqua get along so well. She's just as funny in real life as she is over the internet and Oyster might even buy her an account some day. They can have a goon wedding with an cake and they can play the Benny Hill music as the walk down the aisle. Sure she wont put out, but it's ok because she's got a great personality.


I hope you all bet on me! Because this is gonna last about a "ese unos*" baby! *Something Spanish. I think he's saying 1 second. I dunno.

Some people have no finesse

See THIS is how you do violence.

Oyster can also pull off some awesome Matrix shit.

K.O.!All too easy.

Snoop Dogg
: I seen what you done against the small timers out there. But if you're for real Let's see you go against someone serious.

Damn, someone serious, huh? The bartender at The Limit is the last guy I have to beat to win that bar and he's Danny Fucking Trejo. It doesn't get more serious than the ultimate movie badass... Oyster had better get his a-game on and get some REAL fighting clothes on.


We have new voicemails too!
Must have been your lucky night bitch. I'm gonna see you again. Then it's ON!
You smacked Crows boy around last night. He should be hurtin' after that loss.

We also get a text from Method Man about a free for all tournament going down next week. Maybe Oyster will check it out after taking on Ice-T.

I forgot to re-size the Cruz pictures to 450 pixels. But I think they look better because you can't see the jaggy edges and shit. What do you guys think? Bigger pictures or better quality?