Part 6: Crazy TrainUpdate 6: Crazy Train
Alright, folks, we've got a lot of stuff to cover, so let's get to it.
First things first, we're actually going to be leaving Seiryu City, rather than talk to that suit that I ended on last time. Don't worry, we'll still be getting to that, I just want to do something SUPER IMPORTANT first.
Click for ambience!
It's about damn time!
Teddy: Hey, Kite! This is big! Really big!
Teddy: Lucky Mouse! Lucky Mouse appeared!
Ducky Lucky the sky is falling!
...The rest of this game will now be portrayed as a Tom & Jerry skit featuring giant dinosaur monsters.
Kite: What? Lucky Mouse?
Teddy: Don't you know? He's a genius hacker! He can hack into any program!
Pictured: my reaction to pretty much anything this game throws at me in a nutshell.
Teddy: I'm a big fan of his. I really want to meet him!
A fan of a hacker at this young age? That doesn't bode well. In a rare twist, Kite is being sensible.
DING DONG DING DONG. For whom do the bells toll? For a System Announcment, actually.
Tron: We will be undergoing emergency maintenance at this time. Because of this, you won't be able to return to the Real World, but you won't be charged during this time.
Tron: ...I repeat. Everyone will be playing for free!
Normally, I'd complain that this kind of announcement is complete horseshit since you should mandate all players log OFF before maintenance. But given that the start of the cutscene force-fed the info about Lucky Mouse, then it's likely his doing with a fake announcement.
Everyone heard that, Teddy, you idiot.
Teddy: I'm sure Lucky Mouse had something to do with that! Man, I can't stand it. I'm gonna go find Luckly Mouse.
Game, do I need to implement a Fuckup Tally? This is starting to get annoying.
Teddy proceeds to give zero fucks about his erstwhile friend and wanders off to go search for some hacker/cracker/whatever.
Kite: He left.
Kite: He's always like that when he gets excited.
So, in summation: We've been given half a scoop of plot - there's some hacker who may or may not be in the game, and there's also some problem going on with the servers that means the players inside have to stay inside. In other words, though we're playing for free, we're stuck here.
Incidentally, if this wasn't a fake announcement, then it's poor management by the admins. You can't force your players to stay inside, game.
Click for music!
However, Kite doesn't give a shit about any of this, there's Digimon Online to play~! So anyway, let's figure out what this weirdo wants.
DRI Jimmy: Oh, I'm Jimmy. I research at the DRI.
DRI Jimmy: Hey if you have time, can you help me? It's easy. Just get a Guilmon DDNA from WarGrowlmon. If you do it, I'll add Guilmon as your partner!
Y'know, I'm curious, now. Would Digimon even have DNA? Deoxyribonucleic acid does contain the blueprints for the human body - all the genomes and such - but wouldn't that be just the code used to generate the Digimon?
Pictured: Jimmy's position represents my tenous grasp of the game so far.
Click for ambience!
So theoretically, we've been tasked to go slaughter an Ultimate Digimon (ignore the fact we have one of our own, Digitamamon doesn't really count) and then beat it up and steal the blueprints on how to construct it.
Though, we have numbers on our side. So an Ultimate's not as big a deal as you might think. Plus, we have an actual brain and items to rely on. Don't be scared of the challenge, wussies.
DRI Johann: I'm looking for MetalGreymon... But I have no idea where he is. If I can get Agumon's DDNA, I can proceed with my research...
DRI Johann: Oh! If you see him, can you get the DDNA from him? I'll add Agumon as your partner as a reward!
And judging by the 'reward', we'll be using that incomplete data to recreate a younger, less evolved version of the monster we attack as our own personal
Click for ambience!
But if we could do that from the start, why not simply generate legions of weak Rookie Digimon and throw numbers at the problem? I mean, Johann gets a pass simply because he doesn't know where MetalGreymon is and we're adventuring, so we're simply more likely to find the target. But Jimmy just tells us to get the DDNA, so he might actually know where WarGrowlmon is and is just having us do his grunt work.
I would presume 1 Ultimate, canonically and not gameplay-wise, is like 1,000 Rookies.
Click for music!
Regardless, we're now in the East Station. We could have visited this sooner, but there was no reason to do so, since we couldn't leave East Sector until we'd defeated the Seiryu Leader. Now that we've done so, we can move on to South Sector.
"Who the fuck is that awful looking kid?"
Barring that one girl just standing in the corner, there's... not a whole lot to do here.
So let's talk to her!
Ahahahaha, this is your date spot? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tamer Tomomi: ...but it's more fun playing games with everyone else!
Well, her title is Tamer, so that means we can fight her!
Tamer Tomomi: If I win the battle, I just won't go on the date!
I hope the guy/girl she'll be meeting is nice.
How do you even know it's a human? It's the Internet, it can be a fucking dog.
o shit it's Slippy
Click for music!
Her first two Digimon aren't very threatening. Honestly, we've dealt with worse by this point, so there's no reason to even talk about them.
Her final partner, however, is a new(?) face. RedVegiemon is... it's, um... it's got spiked clubs on the end of its vines? I'm not sure why. It dies just as quickly in the end, though.
Duh, it's called a SHINY. It's a shiny Victreebel.
Tamer Tomomi: This had better be an enjoyable game!
Sure thing, brat. Didn't you hear the announcement anyway? Nobody can leave. You're all stuck in here, so you wouldn't be able to go on your date anyway. (I'm pretty sure we can fight Tomomi earlier, so this line would make slightly more sense if you hear it before we beat the crap out of Seiryu Leader and got that announcement.)
Well, now that the important bits are out of the way, let's get going to South Sector.
Kite: ...Huh?! Who's in charge here? Where is everyone?
If I were a more... suspicious LPer, I'd be wondering why this system needed to reboot in the first place.
01010010 01101111 01100010 01101111 00101101 01000111 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000011 01101111 01101101 01101101 01100101 01101110 01100011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00111010 00100000 01000100 01101001 01110011 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01010000 01110010 01101111 01110100 01101111 01100011 01101111 01101100
Kite: Woah, what?!
Tron: I AM THE OPERATING SYSTEM OF DEEPER CREVICE'S GONDOLA. TO TURN ON THE GONDOLA HEADED TOWARDS SOUTH SECTOR, ACCOUNT REGISTRATION WITH A BLUE CARD IS REQUIRED. DIGIMON BORN FROM A BLUE CARD POSSESS IT, THEREFORE OBTAIN IT FROM THOSE DIGIMON.
Sorry for the capslock, folks. Except Giver. I'm not apologizing to him.
01010011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100011 01101011
Kite: ...hmm... I think that's Guilmon... I should go ask Guilmon in the city.
Renamon is also born from a blue card, actually (if we're talking about the cards in this game. No idea in the official TCG) and we have one of those in the party. Speaking of, no, you don't get off easy if you started with the Maniac Pack, you still have to go speak with this other Guilmon.
But hey, there was that Guilmon in Seiryu City, so let's just go talk to him, get the Blue Card, and then we can be on our
Fuck. He's gone.
...Robo-Giver mode deactivated. Disrespect Protocol still engaged.
Look at that piece of shit on top of the chair.
Nowhere in the city, either. So... Where else was there a Guilmon?
Oh, oh, I know!
In good news, though, Angemon hit level 30, and Patamon has at least 180 base Intelligence, so we've unlocked Angewomon. I've already got a good physical attacker, and a good magical attacker, so I'm sending Patamon down the support route. Angewomon won't be getting many attacks, but the end of the route (Rosemon, and eventually Pheonixmon) have very powerful healing Techs, both for health and for status. If I want physical techs, I'll stick with the level-up route for Patamon.
Angewomon? These fucking names.
Before we can enter Asuka City, though, we have to deal with this chucklefuck. He looks like Giver, in that the very sight of him makes me feel homicidal.
So you're saying he looks very cool and can wreck your ass in a second.
Interestingly enough, one sentence is enough for me to feel homicidal, too. Giver, did you manage to get a cameo in this game?
I've been in many games, dude. There's even a game that was inspired by my tendencies. Take a look
Hey! I'm playing Digimon here!
Mystery Man: Of course! I mean you! You're Kite, who beat Seiryu Leader, aren't you?
Kite: Yeah...and you are...?
Kite, when a mystery man comes up to you and knows exactly who you are, the answer is not 'And who are you, Mr. Stranger with a van and candy?' He even has the fucking trenchcoat too!
Giver's terrible behaviour strikes again!
Keith: I'm the one that's going to win the tournament!
Kite: Oh yeah? We'll just have to wait and see!
Keith: Ha ha ha, I see! Then you want to battle with me?
Kite: Go for it!
Keith: Sorry, but I'm not going to pull any punches!
Maybe he'll actually be a challenge.
Click to watch the fight!
First off, for those who won't or can't watch the video, the battle music this time is the Leader battle theme - meaning he's roughly on par with the Seiryu Leader, adjusted for being about five minutes down the plot. Like the Seiryu Leader, he's got three Digimon.
Unlike the Seiryu Leader, however, he's not a total pushover. His Triceramon has a ton of health, and hits like a truck. Granted, I'm using Angewomon, who has basically no defenses or attack power, but still...
That being said, everything dies when Dinohumon comes out to play.
His second Digimon is a Kuwagamon, which gets met by Angewomon (remember, I loaded the Air Blast Tech, so I can still swat the bugs without Angemon).
And his final Digimon, uh...
:woot: We won.
Not that it was in any doubt, of course.
It always is with your incompetent skills.
Keith: Ha! I went easy on you kid.
Kite: I thought you said you weren't pulling punches.
Keith: I don't know what you're talking about! You better watch out. I'll get you next time!
Keith: Don't forget me. Sayonara, sucker!
You, uh... you tell him, Kite.
Anyway, now that we've taken care of that idiot, let's head in to Asuka City.
Mika: I can keep on playing!
Patamon: I'm happy I can play with everyone!
Some of the NPCs have new dialogue since we've heard the announcement.
Welp! We ruined a potential relationship. We're just great hereos!
The spawn camper has some new dialogue too.
But more importantly, he'll refight us.
He hasn't changed much - his first Kuwagamon got beefed up a little - but he's also added this green Kuwagamon to his roster. It's...
How many fucking shinies are there?
It's still a Kuwagamon. Two Air Blasts takes it down.
Anyway, that's enough of that silliness. Let's go get that Guilmon, get the Blue Card, and then get down to
Oh COME ON.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Take that!
Patamon, did you do this?
Don't blame Pikachu! Abuse! Abuse! Someone call PETD!
Ugh. Now I have to run around Asuka City to find this stupid lizard.
While doing so, however...
Click for music!
We've apparently stumbled on a pit fighting ring. I can take them!
: Divine Barrier, admired by all members! The Patamon exclusive shield will start at 400 BIT!
Oh, never mind, false alarm. It's just an underground auction.
I bid 3 bottlecaps and 1 GeneralYeti
400 BITs is too rich for these dweebs, though.
After a few bids, RPG Fan Masao raises it up to 700 BIT.
Kite: Hmm... 800 BIT...hmmm...
Yeah, I'm gonna be bidding. It's only a shield (i.e. useless) but it's exclusive, and a lot cheaper than it would be normally. You can get another one in one of the late game shops.
: Wow! 800 BIT! Anyone above 800 BIT?
No one has the stones or wallet to go against us.
: Seems like there's no one else. Divine Barrier is sold for 800 BIT! Congratulations to you over there! I'm transferring the item to your satellite now!
Hooray, go us. Now for it to languish in our inventory forever or until I need to sell it for a quick amount.
Kite: OK, I got a pretty cool item, so let's go somewhere.
Click for music!
Something I found out since we first visited El Dorado - the amount of Charisma needed to get in and the amount needed for the El Dorado ID is different. You need 150 Charisma combined to actually enter, but you need 210 to get the ID. The thing is, by the time you get 150 Charisma, you'll probably have a full set of equipment (about... 60 per Digimon, so 180 for the total) and have leveled up a few times, breaking 210 Charisma easily. That's why I thought it was the same amount for both.
W00t! A trainer battle! Money and XP here we come!
The reason I bring it up is because the El Dorado ID gets us access to the back.
Junior: Then you can go ahead and pass through.
The back room has two exits, one on ground floor and one up that rope ladder.
The top shop doesn't have much of interest, just some Super Charges. They're the next rank of healing item, up to 2000 HP instead of just 500. They're also more expensive, and I have Patamon able to do healing, so I don't bother buying any.
Riggs from LA (the guy off to the right): What? Divine Barrier isn't here either? This is weird... I heard that it was in Asuka City!
This is our only real hint that the auction exists. Only problem is, the game never tells you when a new auction item goes up for sale, and if you miss the auction (i.e. keep progressing with the story instead of schlepping back to Asuka City) you miss out on the item for sale.
I HATE missable items in RPGs. HATE.
The bottom shop is our real prize, though.
Miss Asami (off to the left): Only the selected few can come here.
It's not all that exclusive, though? All you need to do is buy a full set of equipment for your Digimon partners.
The Heavy Armory, on the other hand, is frankly ridiculous.
It is, however, a little out of my price range. For now.
(Which means that I went out, fought Coelamon, Cardmon, and Divermon until I had enough money to buy Kotemon the Zweihander, the first instance of a two-handed weapon. I only get one weapon boost, and eat a speed penalty of about 8, but I also get a 150 power boost so fuck the speed loss, I can just train to raise it again.)
Back to not breaking the game over my knee, we find the Guilmon chilling out in the Inn's second floor. Asshole.
Keep on truckin', Charmeleon.
Guilmon: Huh? Blue Card? Oh, the gondola thing. Sorry, I don't have it, but my cousin does. He said he's going to Seiryu City. But he's hungry, so he may stop somewhere to eat.
Rssm frssm. Stupid MMO quests and sending us all over the place...
Copious amounts of grinding and fetch quests with little to no plot. This really is an MMO!
Well, this is the only place to stop and rest between here and Seiryu, so hopefully we can just get the stupid card here.
Hooray! We've found him! Now to get the-
Guilmon: I don't have it, another Guilmon has it. I think he went to Seiryu City.
This is bullshit. YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME.
You'd better have the fucking card or I SWEAR TO YGGDRASIL- Meh, who am I kidding? There's no way he'll have-
Tricky Guilmon: Hmm? Blue Card? I have it! You want it? Then I'll give it to you!
...huh. Well then.
Finally. We have the Blue Card, we can go on the fucking gondola even though it's clearly some train-like platform, let's just GO.
Kite: OK, now this time it should work.
Tron: Beep. Beep. PLEASE WAIT. CONFIRMING DATA.
Tron: ......BLUE CARD CANNOT BE CONFIRMED. TERMINATING ACCOUNT REGISTRATION...
Charmeleon is now the worst Pokemon in this game.
Kite: I have the Blue Card! ...Huh?! What?! This isn't the Blue Card! The B is an 8! This is a 8lue Card!
Kite: Hey, this is a fake! I've been tricked!
KITE! HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THIS BEFOREHAND. The name is fucking FITTING now!
ARGH I'm going to hunt down that Guilmon and MAKE A NEW PAIR OF SHOES OUT OF HIM.
He can run but he can't hide. I will find him, and when I do there will be bloodshed.
Answer me. Where is your friend.
Guilmon: 8lue Card??? ......?! Oh! It's a fake that Trickster Guilmon made. He just ran out of here.
I am aware. Now, unless you want to be next, I suggest you tell me where I can find your friend.
Guilmon: He's probably hiding somewhere. Umm... he likes it underground, so... He's probably hiding in a place like a basement with ghosts...
Oh good. We've found him.
Trick Guilmon: Oops! You found me... H-hey! I'm sorry! OK, I'll give you the real Blue Card. Go to East Station. Heh heh heh... I'm just kidding! It'll work this time, promise.
This one is the actual Blue Card. Fun fact: if you look at your key items for whatever reason, you still can't get around having to go through this event. It'd be pretty neat if they added that in, but alas.
Kite: Great! Now I get access!
Tron: Beep Beep... PLEASE WAIT. CONFIRMING DATA.
Kite: It worked! Now I can go to South Sector!
See? Clearly some sort of moving platform and not a gondola.
Tron: Code Red! Code Red! We will stop momentarily for safety reasons.
Safety reasons being known as a giant fuck-off earthquake with giant fuck-off boulders.
And... whatever this is.
Kite: What the...? Is that a Digimon?!
The first time I saw this jerk, I thought we were going to be fighting Apokarimon. That actually might cause me some trouble.
Click to watch the fight!
This one has the boss music and a pretty nifty background.
Name: Bulbmon (Boss)
Location: Asuka - Deeper Crevice: Riding the Gondola from the East Sector to the South Sector for the first time
3 STR, 4 DEF, 3 SPR, 2 WIS, 4 SPD,
2 FIRE, 3 WATER, 3 ICE, 2 WIND, 1 THUNDER, 3 MACHINE, 2 DARK
Regular Attack: Machine Element
Technique: Mad Pump (Physical-Water)
Not sure why it's called Bulbmon - it's Japanese name is Valvemon, which is something slightly more apropos, but only slightly.
It's physical attack isn't too dangerous, but it'll do about 150-ish damage to Dinohumon.
Mad Pump would theoretically be more damaging, but Dinohumon blocked it so
Either way, this is an unwinnable fight - after Bulbmon hits red health, any and all attacks do 0 damage and it runs away like a little bitch.
Oh no it's bubbleman
It just rolls away and does literally nothing else. I don't even know why it attacked us.
Kite: Ah... Hey, wait! Shoot, it got away.
Tron: Thank you for waiting. We will now resume gondola operation.
It only took five boss fights and two and a half trips to and from Asuka City to make it here.
Kite: But I wonder what that Digimon was...
Well, we're here. It's a shithole. What fun.
i'm not bitter about guilmon